hi I am - my best friend named me I love that name because he named me and I am a hopeless romantic I love, love I love loving and giving a little showing how much I love someone I love giving gifts I love being able to make something meaningful for someone who matters to me I've been in three genuine solid relationships then we're not gonna talk about the other relationships I've been in that didn't last long enough to even be qualified a relationship I was in one relationship for three years I was young but I thought I was in love I gave her everything and all and she never had time for me for us a little to the end of the first year of us dating I found out that she was cheating because I didn't want to lose my virginity yet I told her it was fine and that it was my fault and I let it go and forgive her and continue dating this woman for two years after after she promised she wouldn't do it again she was still cheating on me behind my back I'm just dumb. after that I got into a pretty solid relationship with a man he loved me, but he was my rebound sadly, I was still getting over the last, I was still madly in love with her i needed to be "grounded(cope?)" so he was my grounding and everybody was saying he was bad anyways so I didn't put any effort into the relationship that he wanted to give me he would show up outside my window the days I was grounded and we'd play Romeo and Juliet for a good 2-3 hours just him talking and filling me in on his day saying that he missed me and wished I wasn't grounded saying that we could hang out when all of this is over I miss us I miss our relationship as soon from that i found out he was cheating on me with a friend and both of our relationships with this man were secret so I broke up with him and didn't tell her of me and him. I guess this is where I can put in the ark of i tried to love after I dated this girl she was sweet I gave her everything we just didn't click I did this other girl B she was nice I gave her everything too and we didn't click I dated this girl through my friend K we clicked great we bonded we were genuinely friends and we broke up because she wasnt actually looking for a relationship I made her feel good for the time that she needed to and that's.... I'm OK with that. Because i deserved it after using that guy.
But
I'm currently in a relationship I want to stay in right now I'm happy I've never felt like this other than with that first person that I've dated and I genuinely am in love with her it feels so one-sided like I love her and I just found out tonight that she's leaving in a month I've seen her twice this summer she'd rather hang out with her friends than spend time with her girlfriend I sound selfish but genuinely all i want is to be a passing thought in her mind i ask to hang out and she completely forgets about me and makes plans with her friends she says she misses me and plans to hang out with her friends never asks me to hang out do anything with her i just wish i was a thought on her mind so i wouldn't feel so lonely so left behind i hate one sided love it's always an excuse for hurting me and hurting me. i can't even be mad about it because then she cries like i'm wrong to feel this way?
what did i do to deserve this all of the love i've attempted to give what did i do to deserve all that i've been given back? why must i be walked over?
