Dear Baby Bear

"BEE"

Dear Baby Bear;

The flowers outside are beautiful. The bright colors of the flowers lightened up my mood and it actually made me realize that there is still beauty in this gloomy and cruel world. Thank you for choosing the apartment that has the best view. Oh right, I'm still living in our shared apartment. I know I should have moved out but I just couldn't bring myself to. I guess I need to give myself more time to heal and let everything sink in, something that you failed to give "time". And besides, I haven't found a place that I liked so I'm staying here a little bit longer. Just a little bit longer because I can't pay for this place on my own. I almost asked my parents to buy this place for me but my friend stopped me saying that it's a bad idea. I still haven't contacted them since that day and asking them for help now will only prove them right and I know they won't willingly help me, their help always comes with a price.

For the first time in months, I left the house on my own without being dragged out by my friends or being commanded by my boss to report to the office. Are you proud of your Baby Panda? It actually felt nice, though I still feel a bit uncomfortable walking alone. I feel like people kept staring at me and whispering things behind my back. I walked around the park near our apartment then I passed by a flower shop where I bought flowers. I wasn't planning on buying flowers but when passed by the shop, something caught my eye and it made me think of you. I saw a bee hovering over daisies. I remembered how much you love daisies saying that their beauty is underrated and only a few people appreciate their beauty. I also remembered that you are allergic to bees, but despite that, you kept saying that they are the most hardworking insect. And I remembered that you used to call me bee because bees make honey and bear loves honey. I still smile whenever I remember that memory, you called me bee for a whole week and I always found you cute. I wish I could hear you call me bee or baby panda again. You were the sweetest guy I have ever met and I was so lucky to have found a guy like you.

By the way, the florist of the flower shop recognized me which surprised me. Now I know where you bought those beautiful flowers that you gave me. She said that you used to brag about me and show them pictures of me. To be honest, I have never felt embarrassed in my entire life. But it was nice to know how much you loved me and how proud you were of me. It made me wonder though, where did it all go wrong for you to not trust me and leave me just like that? Did I do something that upset you? Was it something I said? Did I make you doubt my love for you? Is it too much to ask for you to be completely honest with me? Was is harder than leaving me? On my way back home, I kept thinking of these questions hoping that I would find the answer. But then again, only you can answer these questions. And now that you're gone, they will only be left unanswered and I am left thinking what might your answers be.