His Eyes

His Eyes Cry For Me (Edited)

We were in his room, in his bed specifically. Girls in my school would kill to be in the place I was, that's how popular Ryan is. Yet here he was, in bed with me, not doing anything remotely sexual. Instead he was holding me as I sobbed, wetting his shirt with tears that I hadn't shed since that dreadful night.

"Sarah, you need to talk about it. You need to get over with it." Ryan mumbled in my hair as he rubbed my back soothingly. Is it weird that I found comfort with him, who was practically a stranger, when no one else could comfort me, not even my parents? But then maybe that is just how he always has been. Ryan being the star football player and captain is the school player too, well, the position calls for it; but he is known for not breaking hearts. I had always wondered how that was possible until I asked AJ who promptly told me that Ryan has a one night stand policy, he lets the girls know beforehand its just sex and he will not entertain clingy behavior afterwards. I had thought him to be heartless and a man whore, limiting any interactions with him. But now as he held me delicately in his arms, I thought and believed otherwise.

"I can't." I sobbed in reply after a while. And like an automated response he hugged me lightly and I let him, enjoying the warmth that seeped from his chest and into my entire being, making me feel alive.

"You can. Trust me, you can." He urged me as he pulled away, looking in my eyes.

"Trust? I lost faith in that word months ago." I sarcastically replied in a low voice, as shame washed over me.

"Faiths can be reconstructed, if we want to." His words made me look up at him only to see those soft, brown eyes smile at me. There was something about those crinkles around his eyes that made me want to trust him.

"Why?" I asked him in a low voice unable to control my curiosity.

"Why what?" He asked in reply sounding confused.

"Why me? Why do you care, Ryan?" I asked him.

"I just do." He shortly replied, evading me.

"No tell me." I urged him because I wanted to know, knowing the answer matters to me and knowing the answer would change everything between us.

"Would you believe me?" He asked reluctantly.

"Depends."

"On?"

"Something."

"Okay." He said and we lapsed into silence as his hands moved up and down my back . I suddenly felt awkward, hugging Ryan in his bed and started to pull away, only to be stopped by his words.

"I love you."

I looked at him incredulously and asked, "What?"

"I love you Sarah. I always have, even before you started dating Andreas Jefferson."

"I believe you." I said to him after a while, knowing in my heart I really did believe him. Why, is another question but he never asked and I never bothered explaining him.

"You do?" He asked as I saw those crinkles reappear around his eyes. I only hummed in reply, making those crinkles deeper and my heart beat faster.

It was then when I decide I really did need to talk about it, that I really needed to open up about it to someone and that it finally is time. So I spoke, drawing strength from those crinkles:

"He almost raped me Ryan. AJ almost raped me. He cut me. I thought he loved me but all he wanted was to have sex with me. And when I refused him he punished me by being with other girls, by neglecting me. He was pressurizing me but I didn't show him he was getting to me. And then one day, he apologized. He apologized to me Ryan. He said he wants to make up to me. He said, Sarah lets have dinner together, I want to make it alright. And I was so naive and stupid! I believed him. I trusted him when my heart told me not to. I never thought he would do that to me. I went over to his place only to have him force himself on me and attack me with a knife. See he had cut me" I said as I pulled my sleeves up, showing Ryan the scars as I cried. But I continued:

 "I ran, I saved myself and I ran almost naked. Once I was home I locked myself in my room and dashed to the bathroom. I sat under the running shower for hours washing myself, wanting to make myself feel less filthy. I felt like garbage, I felt used, I felt violated. But it was my fault. I should have known. But no, I walked myself into that trap." I sobbed to Ryan as I finally opened up to someone after an year. And as I cried and let Ryan hug me I felt the burden being removed off my shoulders, I felt relieved.

"Why did he do that to me Ryan? Why is it always about sex only? Why are wrods of love only to get a girl into bed? Why don't men ever mean them? Why?" I asked Ryan as I hugged his chest but I was asking those questions more to myself than him.

Ryan hugged me to himself tightly as I kissed my hair and for a while we stayed that way. Then he pulled away from me and I saw he was crying and his tear tore my heart while I saw them seep down his beautiful face unbelievably. And though, I instantly missed his warmth, I raised my hand to his face, wiping away his tears. I shyly cast my eyes down as I realized what I had been doing but then I looked up again as he smiled slightly and said:

"You know Sarah, before today I cared for you but from today I respect you too. You are so strong, Sarah. You are so brave to face all that shit and still face the world. You did fight for yourself with him and you won. You are an amazing person, Sarah. And no one can ever be like you even if they try. No one."

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