Shark of Spades

Family

"What is it with guys creeping into my room?" I asked, rolling over in bed and slipping my sunglasses on before opening my eyes to see Evan sitting on the foot of the bed.

He frowned at me, his eyes narrowing. "I'm more than slightly concerned. Do a lot of guys break into your room while you're sleeping?"

"Not particularly, and I honestly don't care what you think. Why are you here?" I crossed my arms, annoyed by the feeling of the scratchy black  polo I was wearing. I wasn't about to slip up like last time.

Evan laughed easily, lying back and folding his arms behind his head. "Let's both be honest. You wanted me to come here."

"Oh? And how did you arrive at that conclusion?" I asked, shifting slightly and approximating the location of my gun, making sure it was within easy reach.

Evan noticed and turned so he was facing me. "Don't even  think about shooting me, okay? And why would you check in under the name Kate Smith if you didn't want me to find you? It's not your first time using that name, you know."

I cocked one eyebrow. "And if I did? Want you to find me, that is. Then what?"

He didn't blink, just kept up eye contact with me. "I was hoping that for starters, you wouldn't kill me. Again. So stop eyeing the gun under the comforter, please. It's making me nervous."

I frowned at him, not because I was surprised that he'd noticed my actions but because I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep up this distance between us. "And why, pray tell, would I ever even want to see you again?"

He smiled gently, as though he sensed how close I was to  coming undone after all the time I'd taken trying to learn how to perfect the art of holding it all together. "Because you're my sister and I'm your brother. Because we're family."

"Let me just briefly remind you that family is the reason why I was sent to the camps in the first place," I said quietly, no longer able to hide the hurt and betrayal on my face. I felt like I was standing on one foot, balancing on the edge of the cliff, and he was standing a few feet away, holding out a hand.

"No, the government is why you were sent there with all the other girls. I should've tried to help you out sooner, but I didn't understand at the time. Nobody knew how bad the camps are. But when you came back, who hid you? I did. Who protected you when you had nobody else to turn to? I did. Who faked their own death to make sure the government didn't start investigating and find out about you? I did."  His eyes grew more intense with each word. "Misa, I may have let you go off to the camps once, but I damn well made sure that you never had to go back. And screw Mom and Dad for giving away their only daughter. They may have not seen another choice, but they never fought hard enough for  you. Forget about them, forget about the camps, forget about all that. I'm your family, Misa. Me. I'm your family, and there's no way I'm just going to let you go."

The  conviction in his voice was the final feather on the scales of the balance of my soul. I saw myself on the cliff again, vacillating between two choices. On the cliff, he was standing there, his hand  outstretched, his smile radiant. In the real world, he was sitting up now, his eyes clear and utterly serious, his arms tense at his sides, like he wanted to hold me and never let go, but he didn't want to pressure me, to scare me away. I was back on the cliff again, leaning slowly but surely towards the edge, and I made a decision. Maybe it was right, maybe it was wrong.

I reached out and I grabbed that hand.

In  the motel room, I gave up on holding up the walls of my soul and I simply reached out and hugged Evan, tears silently streaking down my  cheeks. I was too consumed by emotions - the very things I'd barricaded  myself against for years - that I couldn't even wonder in surprise at the fact that I still had tears somewhere inside of me.

I cried for a while. Somehow, I eventually ended up sitting on Evan's lap with his arms around me, but I couldn't remember ever getting up or  moving over.

I didn't bother wiping my face and regaining my compose.  I just sat there, relieved that for once, I didn't have to hide the  side of me that had reactions and emotions and feelings and that I could just sit there being real, letting the rain of life caress me gently. I didn't have to build up a castle around myself when I was with  Evan. I felt myself growing weightless with the feeling of burdens being lifted.

Then Evan asked quietly, "Now, give me names and  addresses of anyone who's ever snuck into your room while I was playing dead. I'm going to need physical descriptions, too."

I'd never known before this moment that someone could both cry and laugh at the same time.