Shark of Spades

Moving On

*from Jack's POV*

I wanted to save her. I was serious when I said I'd  give her my heart. I wasn't talking about my emotional heart (she'd  stolen that one); I was talking about the thing that was beating inside  of me.

Hers wasn't beating anymore.

If I had thought it would help, I would've gladly plunged a knife into my chest and ripped out my own heart. She wouldn't have approved of my theatrics, though. She'd always thought I was just acting, playing the world for a fool. Yeah, I acted a lot, especially on the job. But I'd always been my real, serious  self with her, even if she couldn't see it.

Damn it. Stop being serious, Jack. I looked up at the night sky, shoving my hands in my pockets. I'd never been serious about anything before I met her, so what had changed?

How did she know my real name? was my next question. Card had done a pretty good job of deleting Misa from her identity, but obviously not well enough. She'd been dragged back into her old self the minute Evan showed up. But Jonathon - he was so far from me, he was like an entirely different person. Even I stopped believing that he existed. That's how hard I worked to at first erase him, and then forget him.

Jonathon's past didn't matter. We were different people. What mattered to me was that Card - Misa - had somehow known. What else did she know about me? For a single moment, I felt almost glad that she was dead. She had taken my past - she had taken Jonathon - to his final grave.

But my feelings weren't completely accurate. Because no matter how much I tried to convince myself that her disappearance was fine with me, the worse I felt inside. Misa was gone - and suddenly, I couldn't think of her as "Card" anymore. She was Misa now, the way she'd been born. She  wasn't some guy I played cards with and lost to, she was just a random girl on the streets with a nice smile (not that she smiled) and kind eyes (not that she was kind).

Before I deluded myself into thinking that our relationship had ever been deeper than it had ever seemed to be, I lit up a smoke and took a deep breath, letting the nicotine sway my focus for the time being.

Card - Misa - may have been someone I'd hung around for a few years, but a few years are nothing. Jonathon existed longer than Misa did, and he was completely gone. Misa may as well be the name of a speck in the wind for all she will have affected my life. I  threw down the cigarette and grounded it into the pavement with my shoe. The kid was dead, so what was I sticking around for? I had more  important things to do.

***

I arrived at Evan's temporary  residence, some motel near the hospital, twenty minutes later, feeling extremely pissed-off for no reason other than that I had to be there (even more so since I'd been the one to make the meeting).

"Hey, Jack," Evan said wearily, opening the door and letting me in. He couldn't possibly know that I was angry; I was hiding it too well. Only Misa would have known, only she wouldn't have said anything. She would've smirked and observed silently.

"Do you have it?" I asked  coolly, completely unaffected by his new style of  just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-onto-a-landmine-so-pardon-my-unkemptness.

He turned and and looked at me under his eyes. "Seriously?" He shook his head when I didn't respond. "You don't even look upset. You'd think that  you never met her."

I just blinked and looked around. "So where is it?"

He ground his teeth together, probably trying to restrain himself from making a mad attempt at killing me (I say attempt because he'd obviously  fail). Still, he managed enough self control to hold back his violent urges and instead produced Misa's briefcase from the refrigerator.  Without thinking, I started laughing. "What?" he asked, still looking  angry but now mainly confused.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head and adding, "Just, when I first met Misa, that's the first place she hid it, too."

He  released a long breath, one that he must have been holding for a long  time. "She probably got that from me. I had a mini-fridge in my room back at our house, and I used to hide magazines and stuff in the back in  case my parents searched my room."

I smirked at Evan disapprovingly. "So you mean to say that your sister knew where all your dirty magazines were?"

He didn't even blush (no fun, seriously), just rolled his eyes. "Not those kind of magazines. I was always really into fixing up old cars, but I never really got the chance to. So I grabbed magazines whenever I could and read up on it." Without looking at me, he closed the refrigerator and placed the briefcase on the kitchen table. Both of us sat, the briefcase between us like Misa's last  calling card for the world. Well, for us, I guess. We were her world.

Evan was just staring at it like he expected her to appear as a ghost and tell us to screw off.

"Open it already," I said, stilling my foot before it started tapping with nerves. "What are you waiting for?"

He sighed, leaning back slightly, seemingly disappointed. "It's just...I've never opened it before. You know? She always kept it hidden or with her, and even when she opened it, she never let us see what was  inside. So, now it kind of feels like she's come back to tell us this  one last thing. You know?"

"Oh, stop being so climactic and just open the damn briefcase." For a moment, I was shocked by how much I sounded like Misa. Then I shook my head, ignoring it and being grateful that Evan hadn't picked up on it.

Drawing in a breath, he unhinged the clasps and opened the top.