Double Trouble

1

Riley

These last 2 years have felt strange in all honesty, don't get me wrong James and I have been good however there's times where he's quite distant with me and the twins. James works long hours to provide for us and we came to the agreement of me staying home to watch over them however I can't help but feel like I've completely lost myself while James can continue going about life

I know it probably makes me come across as selfish but day in and day out all I do is care of Tommy and Poppy and then once James is home I ran around after him since he's worked all day
James can go out with his friends every single week and still do what he loves but I'm not.. how it that fair?

Life just after the twins were born things were fantastic James was a very hands on Dad, staying up and doing some night feeds, making sure I got a break and changing nappies etc but that was short lived
That only lasted up until the twins were 6 months old and I can't leave James since I do really love him but I'm struggling really badly

I had no one to turn too to be honest, all of my friends went off with their lives living it the ways they've always wanted too and we just lost touch
I'll admit it was everyone's fault since I'm really bad at replying and they're always busy so they aren't able to talk when I do reply

Why do mums always have it so much harder then the dads?

I love Tommy and Poppy with all of my heart and I'd never change them but I just thought my life would be somewhat different but then again how silly was I to think that let alone believe it
James was obviously at work and thankfully the twins were down for a nap; I would be lying if I said I wasn't dreading the day they give them up, while I was going round the house like a mad woman cleaning up any food or drink spillages we've had so far

It was Tuesday night so it was taco night which meant my day was a little bit easier since it's quite easy to prepare them, I had everything in the cupboards ready for when James gets home which is usually around 5pm and I know I need to start dinner before he gets in otherwise he'll get cranky
As I finish cleaning the kitchen up I get a phone call something I never usually get since no one really bothers with me now

I look down and see that it's Shelby calling which I answer straight away
"Hey how're you?" I ask as I bring my phone up to my ear
"Hey, what day are you celebrating the twins birthday?" Shelby asks
"We're doing it on their birthday since this year it falls on a Saturday" I reply
"So it'll be next Saturday?" Shelby says
"Yeah it will be, why?" I question

"I get that we aren't the closest anymore but I'm not going to miss the twins' birthday, life gets busy but I'm not going anywhere" Shelby explains causing us both to giggle
"Oh and Sasha and Shannon have been talking about it too for the last few months, they're so excited to come by too" Shelby continues
"At least I've got you girls" I sigh

"You'll always have us" Shelby says causing me to smile "Is Michelle and that lot coming?" Shelby continues
"Uh I've got no idea, I don't talk to anyone other then you girls! I've reached out but no one has bothered to reply and I don't know if James is still in contact with them.. we hardly talk anymore" I explain
"It's okay, even if it's just us there we'll still have a blast, Tommy and Poppy will be surrounded by people that care about them the most and that's all that matters" Shelby says

I couldn't disagree with that statement at all, Shelby was right and to be honest she was right about most things but I certainly wouldn't tell her that
I've got majority of the stuff for their birthday in the spare room along with all of their presents which have already been wrapped, safe to say I was very prepared

However once again I've done it all on my own.. why do I feel like a single mum when I'm in a relationship with their dad? Surely that's not how I'm supposed to be feeling.. right?