Hidden Love-Charlie

Wet Hot American Bummer...

Being on babysitting duty with Zari was less than fun, to say the least. It's not like I had anything against the futuristic hacker. It was Charlie I had the damn problem with. She just knew how to rub in the wrong way. Zari and I were doing as we were told, watching the magical creature, when Sara and Ava entered.

"Amaya." Ava said, astonished that she had decided to come back.

"It just looks like her, love." I explained to the time bureau director.

"Did you say it?"

"She's a shapeshifter." The shorter blonde spoke up. "We found her in London, 1977."

"Hmm. Hello." Charlie looked at her with a grim look on her face. "Not much of a talker, I see."

"Oh, she talks." Zari assured her.

Charlie's manner changed in an instant. She kicked the barrier, trying once again to escape. "Go to hell!"

"Just her way of saying 'hello.'"

"Let me out of here, you bastards!"

I rolled my eyes. "She's still adapting to her new home." Charlie kicked the food tray across the small cell and started screaming again. "Maybe it's the food."

"But Liv and John sent the other fugitives you encountered to hell, so..."

"Well, love, she's not exactly a bloodthirsty unicorn."

"Or an evil fairy godmother." Zari agreed.

"But you decided to keep the shapeshifter because...?" Zari, Sara, and I shared panicked looks, not knowing how to explain to the time bureau director that we kept her because of sentiment. "Oh. To exploit her for information about the inter-dimensional prison that she's been trapped in to help us track down other fugitives."

"That is..." Sara looked at us with wide eyes. "Exactly what we are doing. 100%. Isn't that right, Liv, Zari?"

"Yeah, totally."

"Definitely. We're gathering that intel as we speak."

"Hm, I love the initiative, team."

XXX
"Miss Tomaz, Miss Constantine, the prisoner is growing quite unruly." Gideon informed us as we shared a drink in the parlor.

"You know what, Giddy, tell the lady to knock herself out." I rolled my eyes, not wanting to deal with the fugitive at all.

"Ah, shit." Zari nudged my shoulder as we both looked at the monitor. "Looks like she took that literally." Charlie was laying on the floor of the cell unconscious.

"I didn't mean that literally." I groaned, setting my drink to the side as the two of us ran towards the lab.

XXX

"Damn it, not on our watch." I ran towards the cell as Zari took down the barrier. I went to try to wake her up, only to find out that she was completely conscious. She headbutted me and flipped me over, making her way out of the cell as I layed there in pain. She knocked Zari out quickly, taking over the cell's controls and locking me in.

"Okay, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot, love. It's just that you're wearing their friend's face and it's a bit unsettling. You know, given your...general demeanor." No way this conversation wasn't awkward. Look, love...I didn't like it either when I first got here. I still don't, if I'm being completely honest. But the people around me, they have found their place here. You can too and if I tried, I could as well."

"Take a look in the mirror, sweetheart, it's not my face that should be unsettling. You're the one putting things in cages." She dropped the tablet on Zari' unconscious body, opening the doors to the lab and running off quickly.

XXX

Mick, who was also on the ship, managed to catch Charlie again, getting me out of the cage. I walked to Zari, placing a hand on her chest and murmuring an incantation. "Excitare ad rem." Zari breathed a deep breath of air, waking up very dramatically. "You good, love?"

"Been better." I extended a hand and helped her sit up. With my assistance, Zari was able to stand up and go to the medbay for treatment.

XXX
It had been a few hours, and it had been discovered by the team that we were dealing with a shtriga. Both John and I had limited knowledge on shtrigas, so we had to go to the last person I wanted to go to- Charlie.

"All right, our team's dealing with something called a shtriga. Do you know anything that could help them fight it?"

"Oh, a shtriga. Very intelligent and very deadly." I could tell by the look in her eyes that she knew something she wasn't telling us.

"Come on, love, you and I both know you're not telling us everything."

"If you want my help, it's gonna cost ya."

"Great. Will that come in the form of another haiku, or can we expect something a little more detailed?" Mick and Charlie shared a look, Zari and I both immediately noticing. "What's that? What's that eye thing?"

"According to legend, shtrigas are nasty old women, but the one that I met in prison- the one that you're looking for- is beautiful. And he's a bloke."

"Hmm." Mick nodded and took down the barrier.

"Rory, what the hell are you doing?" I yelled at the man.

Charlie started to walk off, making Zari block her with her body. "Hey, you don't have another bathroom break for, oh, that's right, never, since you tried to break mine and Liv's faces."

"It is now or never." Charlie walked right by Zari and I, neither of us trying to fight her. "Fine, whatever." I rolled my eyes as Zari spoke.

I pressed on my comms to speak to the blondes on the other end. "Guys, the shtriga isn't an old woman. You're looking for a young, handsome, bloke."

XXX

"Couldn't help but notice our magical friend is not where she's supposed to be." Sara said as she and Ava walked into the parlor.

"Oh, she's not? Rory, do you know anything about that?" Zari asked him, knowing he already had the answer.

"You don't pay me enough to be a stinkin' prison guard." He grunted.

"I don't pay you anything." Sara pointed out.

"Well, I let the fake Amaya go." He admitted.

"Why would you do that?" Ava asked him.

"Oh, in order to..." I stopped speaking when she saw Charlie. "In order to have an extreme makeover." Charlie walked in all punked out. The new look was very hot to say the least.

"Thanks for the shtriga tip." Sara thanked her.

"Well, if you had your hands full with a shtriga, I figured you'd need my help with whatever you plebs face next."

"Sounds like a mutually beneficial partnership." Ava smiled at the two other women.

"One condition though," She walked closer to Sara. "I never set foot in that cage ever again. Got it?"

"Pardon to interrupt, but Miss Constantine, you're needed in the medbay. It's urgent."

"Roger that, Giddy."

XXX

I didn't realize until I got to the medbay that the urgent problem was John.

"Bullocks! What happened, Johnny boy?"

"I-" He couldn't get out another word without coughing.

"He gave his life force to one of the campers."

"You bloody idiot!" I hit his head. "Now I have to go find another warlock to get your life force back!"

"Sorry love, but I couldn't let this boy be Astra."

"Don't worry, you bastard, I'll get you all better, eh?"

"Thanks love."

"Don't mention it, Johnny."