Technodad (A Techno fanfic)

One: I Just Wanted to Be Nice

Technoblade smiled beneath his mask as Phil was trying to one his crows to stop saying the number '7', which he assumed it learned from Ghostbur that tried to teach them numbers that one time. They were building another house for Phil to live in because his was too cramped until Phil's ax broke.

"Dammit!" He heard from Phil. "Now I gotta go find another somewhere, AND I ran out of wood"

"I'll go get some more wood while you find another ax," Techno said.

"Thanks mate" Techno hummed in response.

He walked till he got to the nether portal, so as to not ruin the cover and serenity the trees around his house gave.

Techno has probably already gotten around a stack of spruce when he hears faint crying. Without thinking, he pearled towards the direction of the cries and turned around to see a crying baby piglin. In the middle of winter in a Snowy Taiga.

"Uhhhh-" Techno slowly starts backing away after seeing the small, helpless creature. Not in the mood at all to deal with it.

"Wait, don't go!"

Techno stopped in his tracks and looked at the kid. He heard piglin, that wasn't a language he had heard (cohesively) in a very, very long time. For some reason, he could perfectly understand it.

"I lost my momma, please help me find her." Continued the piglin.

"Uhhhhh... Sure. Where did you last see h- Wait, you can understand me right?" Replied Techno. Because to him, he was speaking fluent English.

The kid nodded, "Yeah, we were in the Nether, and she took me through the portal over there" They pointed to Techno's portal, still speaking piglin. "And she told me to wait here. Then she ran through the nether portal and haven't seen her since."

His heart sank. Some mother left her child in the blistering cold with no protection, not to mention the kid has probably never been anywhere other than the nether in their life. Which is notorious for being stupidly hot.

"Yeah kid, Uh, I think your mom aba-" Techno stopped before finishing. Was he seriously going to break this kid's heart? I mean usually he would do it happily, but this is his kind. He relates to the kid on an unspoken level.

"I think your mom just.... left you here for a bit. She'll probably be back. But if you stay out here in the cold I don't think you'll survive. You can stay with me and my friend Phil until she comes back. In the meantime, here, I'll pick you up." The piglin's eyes lit up and they happily nodded and let Techno pick him up, glad to have a heat source.

"I'll just dump it off onto Phil, he has like 10 kids he can handle another." Techno thought to himself "Then when it's all cozy and comfortable... I'll tell it. The heartbreak in its eyes will be hilarious, plus at this point it's too late to go back- And I'm only picking the kid up because I don't wanna wait for its tiny legs to catch up. Yeah, that's the reason chat. Stop staying 'Technoweak' I swear to God." He bantered back and forth with the voices in his head silently until he heard Phil call to him.

"Hey mate! You were gone for a bit, how much wood did you get?"

"Only a stack," He threw it to Phil. "I got distracted with this thing." Techno pulled back his red cloak to reveal the small, sleeping piglin.

"Holy shit- where'd you find them?" Phil opened his arms and Techno quickly gave the kid to Phil.

"Like 50 blocks away from our nether portal. It was wailing so I checked it out and there it was, just sitting in the snow."

"How the fuck did a piglin get through our nether portal? I know every once in a while, we'll get an adult come through, but aren't baby piglins pretty well monitored?"

Techno shifted and looked at the beacon in the distance uncomfortably. He retold how they were abandoned by their mother and how he told the child that she'd be back eventually.

Phil stayed silent for a bit. "Well- We'll worry about that last part later... For now, let's get the fella into clean clothes and warm. I think Wilbur's old pajamas will fit them nicely"

They both walk into techno's house and Phil goes downstairs to his Ender chest to get the little piglin in "new" clothes. Techno first puts up his coat and decides to make hot cocoa for the kid.

"I'm just warming it up so it doesn't die before I can crush its dreams. Plus, I had to make dinner anyway and we need water for that," Techno told himself as he put a pot of fresh snow onto the stove, to both clean the water and get it warm.

Phil finished bathing and dressing the kid and they both went up the ladder to see Techno sitting at the table, drinking coffee and reading. He turned around.

"Hey kid, c'mere. Here's some hot cocoa- you better drink it. I had to use the last of the milk in that and now I gotta drink my coffee black until I can get more." The kid nodded and jumped up onto the other chair and started sipping away. Techno looked at the kid, totally immersed in the taste of the cocoa, and his eyes softened a bit. Then he came to his senses and quickly got up to get a cup of tea ready for Phil who was getting another chair.

"Looks like he likes the hot cocoa, I take it?" Laughed Phil as he sat down.

"Yeah, I mean I don't think it's ever had chocolate before, let alone milk so it's probably a whole new experience for it."

"Mhm. What do piglins even eat in the Nether?"

"I think I ate the fungi and endermen when I used to live there. Endermen were a delicacy though- Don't tell Ranboo." After some more small talk Techno realized if he kept up the conversation, he would get dragged into helping the thing. "Alright, I'm going to bed. The kid's all yours, have fun handling another one-" Techno set down his empty mug and started walking off, until Phil grabbed his arm.

"No."

"No?"

"You're not 'going to bed' Techno. You just drank a whole cup of straight black coffee and it's only 5 P.M.."

"So? It's been a stressful day, Phil. And you've seen Wilbur, he once drank like 4 cans of Redbull and fell asleep within the hour."

"Yeah, and your name is Technoblade. Not Wilbur. Plus you told me that you can understand and communicate with the little guy. I can't, no one I know can speak piglin. So you can't just dump this kid off on me not just because it's a shitty thing to do, but because I cannot take care of him fully if I can't even understand what he needs."

"I did not take it here to raise it. I saved it because I didn't want it to die and I thought you were gonna watch over it and eventually just find it other foster parents. If I knew that I had to raise the thing I would have dumped him in the Nether or better yet, just walk away." Phil looked at him, irritated. But Techno wasn't done. "Phil, I don't have the primordial mindset to care or raise like you. I kill, I hurt, I destroy. So no, I will not raise it because one; I don't want to, and two; I wouldn't be a good role model in any capacity."

Phil sighed an 'I'm too old for this' sigh. "Fine, but I can't let this kid just be abandoned, so how about we compromise. You take care of him with me until he can speak and understand English, and then you can have nothing to do with him. I will then become solely responsible for him. How about that?"

Techno thought for a solid moment. He looked at the piglin still sipping his drink, but now he was looking at both of them. He didn't understand what they were saying at all. But it sounded aggressive and he had a feeling that it was about him.

"Fine. But I'm still going to bed, I'll tell the kid to follow you around"

"Alright mate, thank yo-" Phil remembered something, "What should we name him? I was thinking Alex because-"

Techno froze. This whole day was getting way too close to his feelings, and he was ready to shut it down.

"Yeah. Alex sounds good. Night Phil." Techno relayed the message to Alex and swiftly climbed the stairs to his room and locked the trapdoor.

"Fucking hell, today was exhausting. Of all names he could've chosen he picked fucking Alex."