Perfect isn't Real/(Newtmas)

~1~

Let's just say this, perfect isn't real. Never has been, never will be. I learned this the hard way. It was either watch people suffer, fight literal monsters to survive, fight for mine and hundreds, thousands even, life's, or watch people you love die for you. That one hurt the most because the one person in this world that was never meant to die, died right in front of me.

I miss them everyday that their gone. The memory of losing them will I could've saved them haunts me. I loved them. More specifically I loved him. Yes, I'm gay. I'm not afraid to admit that. Not to myself anyways. I'm afraid of how the Gladers are going to act after learning that they've been living with a gay guy. I'm not sure if they're homophobic or not. I'm hoping not.

Since the day he died, I've thought that nothing can change the fact that he's gone. After fighting against WICKED and we found a safe haven, I was going to tell Newt that I loved him. I was going to come out to everyone that made it out of the fight alive. That all changed when his last words escaped his mouth.

The three words Newt said changed everything for me, for us. 'Please, Tommy, please'. The words echo through my empty head.

This story is about how I lost the first and only love of mine. This is about how we met, lived, and survived. Some shorter than others. This is about how I was after he'd left and how I struggled living with grief surrounding my every move.

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AN:
If you've reached the end of this chapter, I apologize extremely for this horrible excuse of a book beginning.

~ Carson