The bedroom was silent when Thomas finally racked up the courage to push open the door. The curtains were drawn across the windows and the room was plunged into darkness, though the lamp on his side of the bed was still turned on, despite Blair appearing to be sleeping.
Tommy had finished putting Charlie to bed an hour before he decided to turn in for the night himself. He'd sat in the living room with a glass of whiskey, staring blankly at the Christmas tree and all the gifts beneath it. The only presents still wrapped in their colourful paper and ribbon had his name written on the tags, a scattering of dust across them.
Once his glass was empty and the house was silent, Tommy took himself up the stairs and walked into his bedroom for the first time in four days and four nights. Blair was laid with her back to him, the quilt cover pulled up to her chin and her golden hair sprawled across the pillow behind her, shallow breaths making him feel like he had to hold his own.
Once he was undressed, Tommy got into bed, laying on his back for a while as he stared up at the ceiling in the darkness. He knew he'd messed up, in fact, he knew he'd messed up before he'd even stepped out of his home on the twenty-second of December, but he still decided to stick to his guns anyway.
Business had taken place down in London over the Christmas period, with Thomas and his brothers all spending time away from their families to carry out the work. Tommy didn't know what John and Arthur had told their wives, but he hoped they hadn't chosen to lie the same way he had.
After a while, Thomas bit the bullet between his teeth and turned over, gently resting an arm across Blair's torso as he cuddled her, saying nothing as he held her close to him.
He instantly felt relaxed, feeling the warmth of her skin on his own and smelling the scent of her perfume, touching her skin as he lightly brushed hair from her face to place a soft kiss on her temple. He wasn't sure if she was sleeping, but Tommy didn't expect her to react, he was just happy to have her back with him.
Blair felt the gentle lingering of Tommy's lips on her skin, squeezing her eyes shut at the sensation of his breath tickling her neck as he shuffled closer to her, holding her as tightly as he could.
Half of her felt frozen, her stomach dropping like it never had before at his actions, though she equally had never felt as much peace in her life as she did in that moment.
Tommy had hurt her, again. He'd broken her heart, and her trust, again. He'd lied to her face, again, and yet despite all the tears she'd shed over Christmas because of his actions, there was still nobody else in the world that could heal the wounds he'd given her like a simple kiss from him could.
Blair longed for Tommy to be around her, always. She felt whole when he was by her side, complete with even as little as a glance across a crowded room or a brush of hands in the hallway. He didn't always love her the way she loved him, but Blair was undeniably less than perfect when she was without him.
Neither of them dared to move from the embrace, ending up falling asleep together with a head full of things that needed to be said, though neither of them wanting to be the one to say them.
When morning broke, Thomas found himself alone in bed. The space beside him was empty and cold and Blair's dressing gown was hung up on the back of the door, despite the time on the clock showing only eight-thirty.
The house was eerily quiet, meaning Charlie was still sleeping. Tommy got dressed and headed downstairs after tying back the curtains and making the bed, staring at his reflection in the vanity mirror for a few moments.
There was a suitcase and a duffel bag by the door which was the first thing Tommy noticed as he walked down the stairs that day, immediately feeling nauseous as the sight. The door to the living room was open just a crack and Thomas walked in, seeing Blair perched on the arm of the sofa with a cup of tea in her hands, a large fur coat covering her body.
She looked at him for a second, staring into his eyes before looking back at the fireplace, gazing at framed photographs of the three of them that stood on the mantelpiece.
"Don't do this, Blair. Please." Tommy said quietly, talking a cautious few steps in her direction.
She drank her tea in silence, looking down at her shoes. Tommy could tell her mind had been made up for a while, which only made him continue to kick himself even harder for willingly sacrificing Christmas with his family.
"Blair..." Tommy walked in front of her, his arms folded at his chest as his presence forced her to look up at him again.
All Thomas wanted to do was kiss her. He'd thought of nothing else while he'd been away and now she was so tantalisingly close, yet slowly drawing further and further away by the second. Her eyes were empty and cold and her lips were neutral, though the diamond ring he'd bought for her in Paris was still glimmering on her finger, making his heart settle ever so slightly.
"All I've ever done is love you, Thomas. I would've done anything, and all you had to do was ask. I care for you, support you, day after day, night after night, I love you. It's not easy, but nothing worth having ever is."
"Then why are you leaving?" Tommy whispered, swallowing hard as he clenched his jaw.
Blair sighed loudly, finishing her tea and placing her mug down on the coffee table, pulling her coat around her body.
"Because sometimes, Tom, you don't love me the way I deserve to be loved. You don't give me what I need, even though I tell you time and time again exactly how I need to be loved. I don't know whether you can't do it, or for whatever reason, you won't do it. Either way, I don't want this feeling anymore."
Blair walked towards the door and Thomas quickly ran after her, cutting in front of her and closing the door to the living room, blocking her path with a look of desperation on his face.
"What feeling? What feeling are you talking about?"
Blair rolled her eyes, inhaling deeply. She looked tired, exhausted, even. It was clear then to Tommy that she'd had enough.
"I'm alone. I feel so alone all the time. You work and you work and you work, you tell me that it won't be forever and it's just until you get what you need, but the problem is, I don't think you'll ever be satisfied. I'm constantly never enough, whether I'm second to another woman, or now second to a business, I'm tired of never being your first choice, Tommy. I can't do it anymore, no matter how much I love you and how much I see nothing good in the world without you, I can't do it."
"No," Tommy shook his head, his voice breaking as he spoke and his eyes growing glassy with brewing tears, "Don't, Blair. I promise that was the last time, you have no idea how much I need you, I can't do this alone."
Blair felt a tear fall down her cheek as she tightened her chest at the sight of Tommy on the verge of breaking down. It was the worst thing she'd ever seen, an innate urge to grab him and tell him everything is going to be just fine, though that time, she had to let go.
She stepped around Thomas, pulling open the door and walking over to her bags.
"You'll learn how to be alone. I did."
YOU ARE READING
Another Paradise | T Shelby
Fanfiction"There wasn't a single second that passed that I wasn't thinking about you." [mature themes throughout]
