Another Paradise | T Shelby

THIRTY NINE - HOME

Thomas Shelby had never believed in the idea of love, and certainly not the idea of love at first sight.

He couldn't comprehend how it was possible for a simple glance lasting perhaps only a second could change the course of a man's life forever, it seemed impossible.

Tommy liked being in control. He liked knowing he could decide his own fate and take from the world whatever he pleased, knowing that he held the power to walk down whichever path he chose.

Uncertainty kept him awake at night. He despised the unknown and the future, spending hours and days mapping out his life down to the second to ensure that the unknown simply did not exist in his world. Thomas thought of every possibility and considered every eventuality, ruling out even the notion of a what if, and he liked it that way.

He built a world with his own two hands, one that it seemed like everybody wanted to live in. He ruled kingdoms with cold glances and an even colder heart, iron fists and sharp blades, seeing things for exactly what they were in shades of pure black and white.

Denial, however, was ultimately what had Thomas Shelby gripped tightly around the throat.

See, the reality was that he had experienced love at first sight, and the small inkling of warmth in a cold suit of armour was what kept his thoughts at bay, and the strength of denial healthy.

Seeing Blair O'Hara at seventeen years old had changed his life in more ways than he had ever imagined. He remembered the way he felt his chest tighten and his stomach drop when he looked over and saw that she had already been looking at him. He recalled the blush on her cheeks when she ripped her gaze away, immediately feeling as though the sun had disappeared behind a black cloud when she was no longer looking in his direction.

Thomas had written off the idea of love at a young age, but his imagination changed the day he met Blair. Seeing her for the first time made him realise that perhaps loving and being loved were two things he wanted for himself, though only if it was her, nobody else.

Blair, however, had dreamed of falling in love for as long as she could remember. Her mother told her stories of handsome princes and shining knights, men that would care and protect to no end, love like it was oxygen and anything less was suffocation.

She craved a life like she women in the books she read had. Blair was a dreamer and a hopeless romantic, she loved wholeheartedly and soulfully, pouring all the love she had into the hands of her lover, reserving nothing for another soul.

She thought she was safe to give her heart to Thomas. In fact, it had never really been a choice at all. When her eyes fell onto him across the field that day with her sister, Blair knew in her gut that she would forever be bound to him, whether she wanted to be or not.

He was quiet, reserved yet confident. His eyes were cold and intimidating yet made Blair feel warmer than she'd ever felt before, he made her feel the way she felt wrapped in her mother's arms as a child or how it felt to sip hot cocoa by a fireplace. He was home to her, safe, a feeling that was inescapable once experienced.

"I love you."

Blair's eyes were soaked in tears and her skin was stained with cries, though she had never seen anything more clearly than when she looked up at Thomas.

She found herself gripping onto his hand like she was clinging onto something that didn't really exist, if only strength could turn a fantasy into a reality.

"I know you do, that's the worst part."

Blair had crumbled and Thomas had watched. His hand ached from the piercing of her nails against his skin but the overwhelming sensation of her finally touching him again made him numb to any pain.