Before I could Realize / Sanctuary

Chapter 2 | I Didn't

I was French half Russian, I didn't get the time to learn French, but my mother had always said to me 'j't'aime'. What did it mean? I was never sure but she always said it with a smile. Mother always knew best, at least, that's what I thought. Something didn't feel right, though. I didn't feel anything. I felt like I was missing something. I was locked out of the world like a prisoner of war. I thought my mother was protecting me. But now that I think about it, the wrong thing...was my mother herself.

Her eyes hypnotized me, her sweet voice caressed me. She was like a dream, no, like a sugar-coated nightmare. She gave me a vase filled with dirt and seed in my other hand. "Keep this, do not let it die. It dies, you die." Again, her crazy words confused me. I didn't care, honestly. The sourness of the lemons that she was dripping my eyes was more than enough. I thought I knew, but I didn't. As much as I try to convince myself, I don't really know mother.

Brother loved beating me up, he loved seeing me in pain. I don't understand brother. I haven't done anything to him so why does he hurt me so badly? He thought he was so clever by trying to break me and mother to get what he wanted. But, he just wasn't capable enough for mother. He wasn't good in the head, either; just like me. We weren't the same, though. Mother had told me this. You'd think this is cliché, my brother beating me up and trying to get my mother to do anything for him. Little did he know, mother was good at manipulation naturally by experience. Mother was always scary, but that was why I didn't try to leave in the first place. I was afraid of her.

I went to school just like any other girl. You're probably wondering how old I am. Let me just say, I am old enough.

We have uniforms. I have 4 uniforms, 1 of them was my summer uniform, the 2nd one was the winter, the 3rd one was my physical education outfit, and the 4th one was my swimsuit. I took the winter outfit since it was snowing in August for the people who lived in Norway. I brushed away the snow falling onto my short blonde hair. I then stopped to hear a boy whisper in my ear, "Angel, you forgot your bracelet." I turned around. I tilted my head to the right in confusion.
"...Bracelet?".  It looked like he was a little upset but still kept smiled. He resembled so much like mother. I jumped a bit because I was taken aback by the similarities.

I then soon realized who he was. He was Oskar Hansen. He was the outgoing, funny, smart, athletic, cute boy everyone loved being around. I looked at his wrist and saw he had an oddly specific bracelet. I think I've seen it before, but I didn't remember. "...Did you already forget the promise you made to me yesterday?". I looked at his dark blue sapphire eyes; I could see a slight of desperation in them. "Pardon?". He pursed his lips together. He then looked away and walked off. After that, he didn't come talking to me again for the day.

Was he upset? Had I forgotten something this important to him? He didn't make sense. He pushed me away like my father, and spoke like my mother. Who was this boy? Why did he act this way? He didn't act like this to the other students, he just talked to them like normal but didn't bring up sad things like he did to me. Did I do something?

The class I had was English. I sat near the back of the class so I couldn't hear well when the teacher was speaking. I rose and spoke, "Mrs, I cannot hear you that well. Could I move up to the front of the classroom?". She sneered at me, "Silly child, of course, I'm not going to let you disrupt me during this lesson. Sit back down and see me after class." I sat down and tried to hide my face from the other students. I wasn't sad nor embarrassed. I noticed that Oskar was staring at me. It looked like he was about to say something but decided to just shut up.

After class, there was spare time. I stayed at my desk reviewing my anatomy flashcards for the next class I had. I kept my mouth chewing on the straw of the strawberry milk box. I saw Oskar sitting down at his desk while his friends were standing him around his desk. I saw the bracelet he was wearing this morning on his desk. He wasn't wearing it. I'm not sure why but, that hurt a bit. I kept staring at his desk until it finally clicked why he was so upset that I had forgotten about the bracelet. I got up from my chair and went up to Oskar. He looked at me with smile. "Is there something wrong, Angel?" He asked. "I will wear the bracelet tomorrow. I just forgot it today." I replied. Nervously, I scratched the back of my head. All of his friends smirked and Oskar smiled and took my hand, "Don't worry, Angel! That's what I thought what happened this morning. I'm so happy you remembered it now!". Oskar took my hands held them. I blushed a bit. He looked happier now but I could still sort of feel the disappointment in him of me forgetting only the next day. He pulled me in closer to him and he hugged me. I hugged him back.

We slowly separated from each other's arms. I walked away. As soon as I did, I heard one of his say, "She's like a nice tall glass of water. Why didn't you tell us you had gotten yourself a girlfriend?". Oskar paused and chewed a bit on his inner cheek."Don't be impolite. I didn't tell you because I knew you were going to say something like this. Also, don't you think she'd feel uncomfortable?". He sighed and shook his head. He sounded so uncomfortable and disappointed. I took the strawberry milk box and threw it in the trash. I put all my stuff into my bag and went to my next class.