LOVE TO LAST

33. EVANGELENE

Song for this chapter (Find my way back home, Priscilla Ahn)

To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement. I felt torn from the insides, I felt lost, I felt so small, I wished I could hate her but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't. I have a question, people. What do you do when the one who broke your heart is the only person that could fix it?

Dubai has been great. Desi has been having so much fun I envied her. She has been asking about home a lot too. She asked why we couldn't bring Genevieve along, I didn't respond to her question because I didn't have an answer.

I bought an apartment at the Creek Harbour. It is a beautiful place with friendly people and we both love it here. So peaceful as well. I always took a walk down by the beach in the mornings to try to clear my head, but it doesn't work. I always thought the beach was my refuge but I guess since she came into my life, she had become my refuge. It was hard trying to forget someone who gave me so much to remember.

It's been three weeks now and yet it felt like two years. I missed her, and it was not a lie, I try to forget, and yet all I do remember is the times we spent in each other's arms. And sometimes all I could bring myself to remember was the look on her face. That look has given me more nightmares than horror movies ever did.

She was the reason I always woke up smiling and now she was the reason I went to sleep crying. I've heard a lot about broken hearts and all that, but I never thought I would be a part of that community. I wonder how long I was going to stay sane. I try to occupy myself with activities throughout the day and yet at no point in all that did she ever leave my mind.

I awake every morning, drenched in sweat to the dreams of those earth-shattering orgasms she used to give me. I feel so stupid. I mean, I'm supposed to be hating her and not falling even harder and deeper in love with her. Every waking moment I spent without her made me love and miss her more. But, I just can't forget what she did with that lady and pretend that everything was okay, no matter how much I loved her and still do, I just think this was the right decision. So, why the hell I'm I not feeling mad?

I decided to call Mel and find out how work was going. I borrowed a small burner phone from some old lady three days ago and I still had not found the courage to use it. I went back to the apartment after another unsuccessful walk on the beach and Desi was still asleep. It was almost 9 am She had a long night yesterday and slept around dawn.

I went into my room and dialed Mel's number. She answered immediately.

"Hello? Lenna, is that you? Please say it's you", I heard her say on the other end.

"It's me", I replied and had to move the phone from my ear because of the screeching that met my answer.

"Oh my god. Thank god you are alive. I've been trying to reach you for days. Paige always calls to find out if I've heard from you. Oh, I have to call her immediately. Are you okay? How's Desi? And where the hell are you"?

"Okay, calm down. I want you to do me a huge favor. Please don't tell Paige or Genevieve that I called. I don't want to hear from any of them, promise me, Mel. Promise me you won't say a word", I pleaded.
"I promise. Paige told me what happened. I'm sorry that it happened Lenna. How are you coping"?

"Hm...truth, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I haven't felt this lost in my entire life Mel, and it hurts. I miss her so much it hurts", I said amidst sobs.

"It's going to be fine, baby. Why don't you come back and talk things through with her, well you'd have to wait till she wakes up before the talk but....".