Trying To Heal

Chapter Nine

SONG: Beach Weather - Sex, drugs, etc

❀

Derek Matthews

I walk Jakub Stychel to the heavy, double-mahogany doors. A Rolls Royce is parked, and four men of the Azrael escort the priest home. A chilly zephyr whisks the bushes and engaging pine trees. I shiver, folding my arms for warmth, baby hairs prickling, a lukewarmness materialising.

"She died in labour, isn't it?"

I look at him. "Yes. She did."

Jakub surveys the men of Mother's work. "Could she be alive?"

"What makes you assume that?"

"A powerful woman has the greatest endurance."

"True." I admit, "We used to believe that she was alive. We wanted to, at least. That's just wishful thinking."

"Wishful thinking can come true."

"Of course, but my Grandma, Aunt and Uncle saw her body in the coffin. It's impossible that she's alive." I swallow an iron taste. "Even if she is, I think I would hate her more than my Father."

Jakub observes me. "Is something on your mind, Derek?"

"Father Stychel, what is your definition of good?"

"A good man is a man we won't expect to be good."

I reflect on his answer. "Can a good man do horrible things?"

Jakub observes the men outside, prepared to escort him home. "Such as?"

"I want to hurt several people."

If Stychel is gobsmacked at the confession, he does not show it.

"If I do it, it could tarnish me forever. I will—I will never go back to my old self."

"What is this, ah, hurt you intend to do? Is it vengeance?" I nod quietly. "Have you considered letting the law do it?"

"You know who created the law, and that is enough to know the law is shit."

"Unless someone overpowers these creators."

"Unless," I agree.

"Hurt, or kill, Derek?"

"You must know what my Mother has done."

"I'm talking about you, not Alexandra."

I sigh. "I do not know. A heavy part of me wants the former. I want to punish them."

"Did you know a kill could be a salvation?"

"Pardon?"

"Physical pain in this physical world is the greatest form of fire. God knows that—that is why God wants certain people to live longer. That pain digests the self and eliminates the congruence. I am not encouraging you to do this, Derek. Despite our knowledge of these anomalies, what would this do? Would it bring back the misery—or would it make it worse?"

"These people do not learn. They have had karma for so long, but that karma is not fulfilling."

"If there are no snares of darkness within you, you won't ever descend." He presses a hand to my chest. "What thrives in here, determines all. Sometimes, one life is insignificant to a dozen. Your Mother has harmed and killed several people for the salvation of others. The point is, to be careful of what you decide to consume. Your Mother was a good woman, despite her actions. She wanted the best for the world. Your Father, too. I know you do. You are a good man, Derek. Just be conscious of what happens here—" He taps three fingers on my chest. "Our bodies are canvases. Harming it is harmless, but harming what it protects is lethal."