Trying To Heal

Chapter Twenty-Five

April

Mum ordered a vibrator and told me how to use it. "Don't do it too much. You can lose stimulation. Three times a week, remember."

"How do I know if I, you know ..."

"Muscles in your pelvis contract and tighten at once. This area —" She gestures an air-created circle, connoting to my private area " —, you will have a tension developing there, almost like you will burst. The tension can begin at your feet, where you will feel tingles, rising up my legs and settling in the centre — well, that depends on which part of the clit you're stimulating. It can be overwhelming, but if you want to reach that big O, keep going with that pleasure and the tension will instantly reside. After that, you will be sensitive, especially if you touch the clitoris, your whole body will twitch. You will feel tired and happy — epinephrine and serotonin boost. Neurochemistry, basically."

I was about to take the gift, but Mum stopped me. "You should learn how to do it without any help first, too. Especially if a man can't get you off. I never had these kinds of talks with Aachchie, duwa. Even if I tried to, I was often judged. They never taught me about sex — I had to educate myself, and that's not right. I want you to be comfortable with yourself." She places the packaged vibrator in my palm. "You have more questions, ask me. Also, make sure you're wet, unless you want blisters, soreness and burns."

Those days that my parents let me skip school, and since I have the house to myself, I started to do it.

At first, it felt weird. The second I pressed the rose-bud vibrator to my clit, I gasped and my whole frame quivered. I immediately withdrew the object, a bit scared and stunned at how ... powerful and connected it is. Mum is right — the more my clit was vibrated and stimulated, tingles developed in my tip-toes, crawling to my legs, the back of my knees, my thighs, intensifying in my pelvis. I discovered that the sounds I would release were breathy, silent, and my eyes would roll up into the back of my head as the pressure, the tension, heightened and heightened to pull me into a realm of stars. I felt like I needed something inside me as the tension built.

And then, I released — I felt the sensation escaping, sighing in relief and content. The pressure resided, and I was panting, slightly dazed and suddenly exhausted. My whole body was hot, and I began to giggle and laugh and smile. Cumming is like sneezing.

I wanted another one. I got it. I wanted another one. I got it. I wanted more, but Mum's warning lurked. Stubbornly, I went against it, and eventually, as the days passed, I understood. Eventually, it was hard to achieve that wonder.

I sheepishly reported it to Mum.

"I told you. My doctor's masters degree is not enough for you to listen?"

"I got a bit wanting," I replied meekly.

She sighs. "It happens when it's your first time."

"I think I used too much, because my clit bled a little."

"Duwa!"

"I learned my lesson!"

She groans, shaking her head. "Let your body rest, otherwise I will confiscate it."

"My whole body hurts, too."

"Obviously." She gathers rice that she mixed with curry and chicken with her fingers, into a small ball to feed Rose happily playing with Barbie dolls. "It's practically exercise. When you tense, it burns fat from your muscles."

"What burns fat?" Dad enters the kitchen.

"Nothing," says Mum.

They had the weekend for themselves, booked a hotel room, and my siblings and I stayed over with Makayla. We all know what they did.