Citrus: Mei's Story vol. 3 - Rivalled Heart

III. Retaliation

As I tried to hurry back to the exact spot that Yuzu had wanted me to stay at, I was greeted with an intercom announcement tone.
"Attention please, shoppers."
      Okay... I'll admit it... I give in... I wish I had a cell phone for specifically making sure Yuzu and I can find each other.
"Would Mizusawa Matsuri..."
At hearing Matsuri's name I slowed my pace and paid attention to the message.
"And Aihara Mei..."
      Yuzu... you must be almost losing it with worry to have them announce for us.
"Please come to the information desk."
I immediately made my way to the nearest mall map and began searching for that precise location in comparison to myself. Around me people were reacting to the notification.
"Are some kids lost in the mall?"
"Oh dear."
      Where is it? Where is it? Come on!
"A family member is here waiting for you."
As I frantically hunted the large dense map, I felt myself growing warmer and warmer as my stress mixed with my worry and my raw desire to run into her arms. I clutched at my scarf and tugged it away from my neck and took a deep breath.
      Come on! Come on!! Wait... there!
As soon as I located it and the surrounding shops, I turned and pulled my scarf free. There was no way I wasn't going to get there as fast as I could. As I turned, I caught a stray comment from a passerby.
"Wow, that girl's beautiful..."
      This girl is taken.
I ran as fast as I could and was grateful that Yuzu had talked me out of my usual preference for longer skirts. I made pretty good time considering my being several floors down and on the wrong side. Yuzu was leaning towards the receptionist and tapping the desk nervously as she looked around. Our eyes met and nothing else mattered.
"Mei!"
      Yuzu.
Tears filled her eyes and all her tension released into a sweet and beautiful mess of relief and a little bit of justified anger directed towards me. I slowed my pace from to stand next to her and she flung herself over my in wonderfully painful hug.
"I told you to wait for me! I was soooo worried!"
She clutched at me as she couldn't keep her tears from falling anymore, I held her and let her cry. She started to nuzzle in once her tears died down and I caressed her neck tenderly before clearing my throat when I noticed people starting to stare. It was enough to get Yuzu to remember that we were in public. Slowly she unhooked herself from around me and wiped at her eyes.
"All that's left is Matsuri."
       If she's smart, she should be arriving any second now.
Yuzu shrugged and started scratching the back of her head in a nervous and awkward tic.
"She won't return my texts or answer her phone! Where the heck is she?!"
       Come on kid! Don't torment Yuzu like this! You have a problem with me not her.
Yuzu gave me a half miserable look that made me just want hold her again.
"Sorry, Mei, for dragging you into this."
      You are not at all at fault! It's the brat who's been causing issues today.
"It's okay, really..."
As I paused to consider how best to put things, we were interrupted by a rather boisterous and energetic ringtone springing from Yuzu's hip. I didn't need to see the screen to know who it was. The ringtone was all too fitting and the way Yuzu brightened was answer enough.
"Ah."
She quickly answered the call and held it up to her ear. I watched her repeatedly open her mouth to start talking before she deflated and just looked around in annoyance. A moment later she put her phone away and sighed heavily before smiling my way.
"Let's head home, Mei."
"Okay..."
      Matsuri... what did you do now?
I followed Yuzu through the mall and out the entrance. It was significantly colder outside and I rewrapped my scarf snuggly around my neck. Snow was covering everything as flakes slowly descended. The usual sounds of life and nature were all muted if not completely silenced. It was absolutely gorgeous, and very fitting to be alone with Yuzu in this wonderland.
We walked out to the lonely covered bus stop and Yuzu let out another sigh but it was more relaxed as she took in our setting.
"She says she already went home."
      Of course she said that, but I'm learning that she is used to lying as a matter of habit by now.
"She should have just told me that! Sheeesh."
      I think her leaving on her own was the opposite of what she planned to do. Either she's still down in that garage in shock that a girl had kissed her so casually, or somewhere trying to figure out her next move.
I sat down on the cold but clean bench to rest my legs and wait for what would likely be the last bus in this weather. Yuzu sat down beside me, but I felt that there was too much distance between us. A person could sit between them. She let out a final sigh.
"She's still such a kid."
        In so many ways, yes... but in a few important ones, I fear she's had to grow up much too soon.
"You really care about her, don't you?"
There was no surprise or confusion in my voice. I no longer felt jealous or nervous about if I was losing Yuzu, but it was rather surprising that such a child had a long and good relationship with someone as bright and cheery. Her warm smile changed slightly into something nostalgic.
"How should I put it?
I settled in, eager to listen to her talk no matter the topic.
"When I met Matsuri, we had just moved into the neighbourhood..."
I tried to imagine a tiny Yuzu and felt my chest grow warm. It was an adorable picture in my head.
"I was on my own a lot."
        Awww... Mother must have been busy even then.
"When I saw that Matsuri was in the same boat..."
        That makes a lot of sense with how she is... how her and I are...
"It made me feel like we were like sisters."
       No wonder she holds that position in such high regard... and you. I had Himeko, but she wasn't as warm and confident as you are.
"So I called out to her, and that's how we met."
I smiled at how simple it all sounded and how much it just showed that Yuzu didn't grow up to be this extremely good person... she always was that underneath the attempts at being popular and eye catching cutesy and boy crazy. The core of what made her Yuzu was what I was desperately in love with. But then I felt her warmth flicker a little and then dim slightly.
"But maybe I was the only one who felt that way... I could be pretty bossy and probably got on her nerves a lot."
I absolutely did not imagine the time she pinned me to a bed and told me what to do, or any of the times she talked without thinking and stumbled into a difficult topic.
       I can't imagine anyone hating those parts of you... and if we're being honest...
I couldn't stay silent and watch own stupid little squabble of her destroy Yuzu's spirit with unnecessary guilt.
"The reason she got mad and left..."
      Not that it's really hard to guess... she did make it obvious.
"Was because I came along."
Yuzu wasted no time or even took a moment to consider. She just flatly rejected my statement. All while waving her hands in a calming gesture.
"No, no! Mei, it's not your fault!"
After she shot down the obvious reason she went quiet and I felt her warmth and light further dim with each moment.
      Now she's blaming herself not just with Matsuri being a brat and leaving without talking to her, but also because she thinks I'm unjustly blaming myself for it. Even though it's obvious that Matsuri hates me for existing. No... Matsuri's childishness and my foolishness for taking her seriously were to blame... and Matsuri's not here so that leaves me to stop her spiral.
"I'm sorry."
"Huh?"
       LAnd now your focus is solely in the moment and listening to me.
"Seeing your face like that..."
      I breaks my heart.
"I can't help but feel responsible."
       After all, I am the one in love with you, and that scares her... because you share those feelings and it's changing both of us.
"Wha?!"
Yuzu, in a clear misinterpretation and firmly slotted in taking all the blame despite everything pointing to my presence and Matsuri's childishness, seemed mortified that I would say something. Even though if she thought about it for a second, I was sure she'd actually blush at my wording.
"No, I'm sorry!"
      Yuzu...
"I wasn't...!"
She immediately fell silent but I noticed the warmth was slowly returning back to her. Yet I knew she was still somewhat stuck. So like she did when I was lost in my darkness, I refused to let her be alone. I suddenly felt her eyes staring into me while desire. Relief wrapped around me like a blanket. Somehow she had slipped back into her usual awkwardly adorable self.
"What?"
"N-nothing...!"
      She's the absolute cutest when she's flustered.
We reverted to playing our usual game of eye tag. And as our eyes missed each other's gaze we seemed to both slowly inch closer until finally...
"Uh, Mei..."
I turned my face to show she had my full attention.
"It's cold..."
     Yes it is, my dear Yuzu. Are you also wishing to be held closely... for warmth?
Her voice was nervous yet with a core of daring that made me excited for where her halting voice led us.
"So... could we... hold hands?"
      You are far too adorable and innocent to be with me or the sister of Matsuri.
She tentatively placed her trembling hand in between us.
"For sisters, it's no big deal, right?"
     You keep saying sisters... but that's not what we act like or what either of us are really content with. But...
I realised I was just staring at her hand. I wanted to say something that didn't sound like a rejection of her feelings, but was more of a clarification of what was between us. At the same time words had repeatedly failed me when it came to this one topic.
Maybe I'll just ignore that word for now and focus on the feelings we're sharing.
I gently placed my hand over hers. The immediate contact made me feel like we had just been transported to the perfect hot springs to combat this cold. I wanted more. I wanted everything. I closed my hand around hers and squeezed like I saw old married couples do when their love was too much for words but not the time or place to give into passion. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Yuzu turn red from blushing and the effect acted like a thermometer. Her head dropped in embarrassed happiness and I found myself tempted to strip off layers due to the summer-like warmth emanating from her. Suddenly I knew exactly what to say.
"Your hand is as warm as ever."
She immediately perked up and stared at me in confusion.
"Huh?"
      What was it I said when we first got the bed and the temptation was way too great?
"When we first started sleeping in the same bed, it was still hot, and a bit uncomfortable..."
It was the middle of autumn or the very end of summer...
"But now that it's winter, it feels nice."
      Congratulations! We didn't screw this up... we made sure to make it clear we were talking about the weather making it uncomfortable and not it being you.
The look of shock and rapid thinking as she blushed even though she was looking at the ground told me that something wasn't quite making sense to her yet.
"Oh, uh—"
     Stop her from drawing the wrong conclusions out of a desire to not overstep.
"I reach out..."
She went silent and I noticed her position shift to face me and listen in curiosity.
"For another person's warmth..."
     For your warmth, Yuzu... it'll always be your warmth I need. As for why...
"Because I'm so messed up."
     I spent years encountering men who abused my body in their lust. It warped my idea of love and affection and if I didn't meet you and Mother... I'd still be trapped in that world.
I suddenly recalled that memory of my encounter with a mirror after being raped by a man and the smile so full of loathing and bitterness and disgust that I gave myself. It took only a second for my mind to turn it into Matsuri's face... and the same smile from whenever she thought she had uncovered something to use against me in our encounters.
      Is that... is she that much like me? Is she the way she is because she's trapped in the same darkness I survived?!
Suddenly I felt a reciprocating hand squeeze bring me back into the present and I realised that she had adjusted her hand to put our palms together. And it felt like our hearts were matching pace with each other.
"I don't know how anyone else feels..."
      I don't care what they feel, Yuzu...
"But if you're messed up..."
     More than you know...
"Then I'm seriously warped."
     I think you misunderstood, but reached the point in a different way...?
She suddenly started fidgeting and her blush was very obvious.
"I mean I'm always thinking how I...want you to... touch me...!"
I immediately remembered our encounter in the bathtub and my comment about how she looked. This conversation suddenly had a depth that was clearly more than either expected.
      Yuzu... you're saying we're the same. That we feel the exact same, not just similar. And I'm deeply in love with you... so that means...
The temptation to beg her to kiss me swelled. But as I was about to summon the courage to speak it, Yuzu's ability to not freak out in embarrassment at being romantic finally triggered its mood killer. She suddenly blinked and looked up with a sound of pure childish curiosity. Then she sprang to her feet.
"Huh? Snow?"
      It's been snowing the whole time, but I guess you were just as distracted as I was... and it's gotten denser.
Her voice filled with innocent wonder.
"Wow, it's so pretty!"
     I love you...
Then something clicked in my mind. I immediately got to my feet and walked over to the schedule we had neglected to check.
"Yuzu..."
     Thank you fate for us being distracted enough to talk about these things!!
"I think the buses are on the holiday schedule"
      We'd have been here till morning if we hadn't noticed.
"I guess there's no point in waiting for one then."
She didn't sound disappointed that we had been sitting her for nothing. I had to try not to blush at the thought that she was enjoying herself in this beautiful night with me. I dared a little more time together without distraction.
"We could walk."
      We'd need to both take baths too... and as quickly as possible once we get home. So we'd have to share.
I didn't mention that prospect, but something in how she seemed to beam and then blush shortly before starting to out with the biggest smile on her face. I allowed myself a soft mirror and moved to catch up in time to hear her call out to me.
"It'd be nice if we had a white Christmas this year."
My mind flooded with romantic images from films and shows and advertisements that I noticed throughout my years... and then each were replaced with recreations with the two of us in those romantic positions.
"Yes. It would be nice."
      I want it to happen so bad!!
Suddenly she stepped in front of me and turned to face me with that determined expression that always made me excited and a little nervous.
"Every year mom and I have a family Christmas party!"
       That sounds amazing.
"This year..."
She took my hand and held it up to her chest with both hands as she smiled and gazed deep into my eyes. I couldn't help but feel as though she could easily see the scope and every detail of my love for her.
"You'll be there, too!"
       Yes, ma'am!
My ears felt like they were about to melt as I realised my mind had switched into a pure submissive mode... and how good it felt. Yuzu suddenly turned and began to pull me forward.
"So keep your calendar clear, okay?"
She suddenly shivered as a gust of wind brushed past and turned to me.
"Let's run to the train station!"
We started running while our hands remained firmly clasped. I decided to be a little cheeky and vague as I did my best to keep pace with the more athletic Yuzu.
"Okay..."
I didn't specify which statement I was agreeing to. I just focused on our hands and decided not to let go until we got inside our apartment.