"𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾"

Chapter 5: Drift Away

As the weeks went on, your relationship with Diana crumbled.

Ever since the night you told Diana about your feelings, things seemed to crumble away. For the first week or so, she sought you out and tried to talk some sense into you. She was so adamant about making you realize how you were being used by your family from the grave.

She would approach you in different ways but your answer was always the same. You would scoff before walking away.

You're not an idiot. You knew since you were 5. Your family never saw you as their child, you were their pawn. Someone who will continue their legacy. Your grandparents were hurt and felt betrayed by your mother's choice but they didn't hate her. They believed that your "father" baby trapped her so their anger and resentment were targeted towards you and that man.

And your mother. What should you say about your mother? You never knew if she truly loved you or kept a facade of loving you.

The line between love and guilt was a blur to you. That's how you would explain your feelings toward her.

Is it guilt or is it actual love? No idea.

Do you feel guilty about being born into this world far too soon despite having no say in the matter? Yes

Do you feel responsible for her misfortune and untimely death even if you had nothing to do with it? Definitely.

Do you understand that this feeling of guilt has been planted into your head by your grandparents because of their anger? Of course.

Do you understand that there was nothing you could have done to prevent their deaths? Affirmative.

Do you hate yourself for existing despite having no control over anything? Without a doubt.

Do you think that you deserved all those abuse and neglect? Absolutely.

Do you have a reason to move forward and live on even if the whole reason you did isn't here anymore?

...

You snapped out of your thoughts when you felt a tap on your shoulder.

Turning around, you were met with the gentle smile of Lotte. Looking at her apologetically, you sheepishly rubbed your nape. "Sorry, I was lost in thought. What was the question?"

"Oh, no worries." She waved your concerns off, "I said that since today is our last day, I wanted to know what you plan on doing for your summer break."

Humming in thought, you answer, "I will most likely be busy with the estate. It's been years since any light touched the inside. My family had to move away to Japan for some family business, so our estate here has been deserted for... at least a decade."

"Ohh, so you'll be pretty busy this summer?" She did a slight tilt of her head.

"Yup. And not only will I need to open up the place, but I also need to find workers to run the place." You let out a sigh, "I'll also need to talk to Natalie about the company."

"If you don't mind me asking, who's Natalie? And what company?" A confused expression formed on her face.

You smiled at her and nodded, "Natalie is my acting CEO for my grandparents' trading company." You chuckle at her bewildered expression, "Since I'm underaged and don't know how to run a company, Natalie helps me out in that area."

"Wow, so-"

"Holly crap! So you're like rich rich!" Amanda budded in, cutting the Finish witch off.

You just awkwardly laugh at her before changing the topic. "Anyway, where did you come from?"

"Oh right, I was actually looking for you." The American plopped herself next to you.

"Me? For what?" You watch as she stretches her legs out.

"Nothing much just got bored is all." She continued to flop down on the grass, now laying down. "So what were you guys talking about?"

"Just about our plans for this summer." Lotte answered for you, "I'm going to help out at my parents' shop while Y/n's gonna fix up her home. What about you Amanda?"

"No idea." She shrugs, "Go with the flow like usual."

As the three of you get into a comfortable steady flow of conversation, you feel someone's eye on you.

Turning your head just a bit, you catch Diana's eyes from the second floor. You stare at her for a bit till she sighs and walks away.

Since your little friendship crumbled away. She got more serious.

Every given time, she would study and train like there was no tomorrow. You could see her getting frustrated and tired. Don't know about anyone else but you could see she had hit a roadblock. Her place as the top student shouldn't be threatened for quite a bit seeing how she's way ahead of everyone.

Not that it is any of your concern.

But it did annoy you how easily you could read her.

From everyone else's perspective, Diana had gotten colder and more stoic. No one could read her like you.

Sighing, you get back in the flow of conversation.

Speaking of, your own rank slowly but surely started to sink. If the you from when your family was alive were here now, they would have freaked out. Crying, hurting, and going into episodes.

But that was you pre freedom.

Now you don't have to try to be on top. You don't have to give 101% on everything and anything.

You don't have to keep an image for unnecessary validations.

Ahh, magic truly is a wonder.

Magic makes everything so much more convenient. No more do you need concealers, just take your wand out, and boom, easy fix.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Though it would be even better if it can get rid of scars but hey, you can't have everything.

Your thoughts drifted back to Diana. What would she think?

You wonder what her reaction would be like if she were to ever discover how you were using the healing magic she taught you.

You smile.

'It doesn't matter now...'