Shades Of Agony [PSLU #3] [GL]

PROLOGUE

"That's too strange." Sabay turo ko sa tinitignan namin parehas. "Ang awkward naman niyan. Parang odd tignan eh." Pagrereklamo ko.

Paano parang hindi naman kasi pantay yung sukat, o baka naduduling lang ako kakatig sa blue prints. And I was occupied last night researching for more better materials. Ayaw ko na maulit yung nangyare last time na nagkaroon ng accident sa isang site because there was a problem sa order ng materials.

I can't miss anything, hindi pwede. I need to become the best for this not just better, but more than that. I need to prove myself to them na hindi ko sila kailangan, na hindi ko kailangan ng pangalan para umangat.

"Ang arte mo talaga Regina, okay naman ah." Kontra ni Lucas.

"Anong okay? Tignan mo kaya yung design mo sa bandang living room." Duro ko pa at sumimangot.

"Hindi ba yan na double check ni Architect Lawson?" Tanong niya pabalik.

I frowned. "Hindi, mas better kung tayo na bago natin to ipasa sakanya dahil malalagot talaga tayo."

This was one of my dreams, designing my own house. 'Was' I used to. I used to believe that dreams exist. But since, I'm still at stake I can't risk any subjectives; I can't let my decisions wrap around my own emotions and take my whole mind, then control everything.

I don't want to put myself into position again where I have to question my worth, where I have to question if I deserve to live, where I have to question why am I even alive. It was awful, if I was on the area where I have to watch a free movie and I was the main character, I would probably go to hell than to experience everything again in this life time.

I mean, it was the same anyway. Kahit saan pa ata ako ilagay, parehas lang naman ang mararanasan ko. But at least, in hell ay wala siya.

"Architect, tingin mo sino papalapit dun sa pwesto ng pagiging Head Engineer?" Tanong ng isa sa kasamahan namin. Kabit balikat naman akong humarap sakanya.

"Hindi ba nakwento ni Architect Lawson or ni tita?" Tanong ko at umiling naman sila.

And I couldn't help but to get scared. The industry that we both live has been too close to each other especially that our connection is almost the same. We have the same set of friends, the same views, and similar job structure. 

"Hindi po boss eh, ang alam ko lang kaclose niyo daw." Napalingon ako bigla sa sinabi niya. Pero inalis ko rin yun at napahigpit ang hawak ko sa lamesa.

There are thousands of engineer in the world, get it inside your brain Regina.

But my mind and my heart couldn't help but to get stroke by a millions of thorns. Maybe, maybe hindi siya. I'm not hoping, but I'm aware that someday our paths may cross again. 

Matapos ko pang pagalitan sarili ko ay tumingin ako sa labas mula sa bintana. Malawak naman ang office ko dito kaya hindi na ako nahihirapan. There are a lot of stuff that I have na ayaw ko na dalhin pabalik balik sa bahay tapos dadalhin lang ulit dito. I had always been trying to enhance myself for better, to control my emotions and manage my mental health and it has always been my top priority ever since.

"Regina, okay ka lang ba anak? Parang hindi ka mapakali." Palakad lakad akong hindi mapirmi sa iisang lugar ngayon dito sa office ko.

Can't you even blame? Sino niloko ko? Sarili ko pa talaga na hindi matahimik ang utak ko na kakaisip sa mga bagay bagay. I had been stable in the first place, but that thing hapoened and ruined my whole confidence.

"Mom, alam mo ba sino papalapit na Head Engineer? Nakwento ba sayo ng mga Lawson?" I hopefully asked, clenching my fingers together.

Iniisip ko na sana hindi siya, ayoko at hindi ako handa na makita nanaman ang mukha niya. Kasi sa tuwing naalala ko, bumabalik nanaman ako sa simula.