Surreal Songs

i'm hiding in the rain, smiling as ever

I reexamined all the angles of his face, and really I would draw them over and over. I would draw him, only him, for as long as Atlas was compelled to lift the earth on his shoulders. But for no other reason than my own guilt of wanting more, I could not meet his eyes. His eyes, endowed with that god-like power of seeing my soul and his mouth that seldom spoke of what he saw.

"Why aren't you getting your little notebook out?"

My eyes dropped to the checkered expanse of tablecloth between us, my heart supplying to every corner of my body an ample injection of shame. My silence only gave an advantage to his inquisitiveness.

He leaned in, much too close into my side of the table. The move only gave me taste, a fleeting, teasing sense of what he smelt like. Warmth, sugary warmth, like cookies and cakes he pulled out of ovens all day. So innocent, but never naive; so comfortable, yet guarded too. He made me regret ever asking, he made me wish I could turn back time. I wanted him so much, but he would never let me have him. So I wished I had never met him.

"Hey, you said you wanted to draw me."

"Nevermind."

He raised an eyebrow. How could someone be so sweet, and so cruel in one breath?

Oh, maybe I should just get my pencil and sketchbook out and draw him like he sits right now. In his white shirt, black slacks and a bright pink apron around his waist. That should suffice. And that's the most pathetic lie I would make myself believe.

"What do you want from me?"

You know what I want. "Forget it."

I got up, clasping my satchel a bit too desperately. I had crossed over to the next table, when he stopped me with a hand on my arm, and I reminded myself to breathe. I turned, and he was himself, unrelenting as ever. He was himself, and I was allowed no hope for a change of heart from him. But it was what I loved him for.

"We're serving cupcakes tonight. Come over, and I'll save some for you."

*****

Bittersweet - Mingyu & Wonwoo (ft. Lee Hi).