People of Capricious Disposition

Sliver of Despair

I want to scream but I can't, if I do I might just break. My chest feels like there's pressure on it though nothing is pushing other than my hand desperately grasping a clump of my shirt to ease the pain. But I can't because the pain is not physical. I can't control my sobs as I intake deep breaths of air to aid my lungs that seemed to be glitching in its use. My nose a mess. My eyes a mess. My whole being is a conundrum of hopelessness. I don't know what to do, what to answer to any questions. All I could think of was the words said to me, they replayed in my mind and I couldn't push the words away. They made my eyes fill over and over again. I tried to calm my breathing, in...and out.. I breathed calmly for a few seconds before the wave of words come over me again and I am drowned underneath them. The heels of my hands wiped the tears away again and again, it felt like my skin was irritated by the amount of friction so it hurt to wipe the drops so many times. So I let them fall, they fell from my nose to my pants soaking them. It felt like I couldn't do anything to stop this explosion of emotions. I wasn't trying to wipe them away anymore, but a voice cut into my thoughts.

"Wipe those tears off, do you know how you look right now??"

"Your face is not doable, fix it!"

"Why do you cry for every. little. thing."