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Did he have to hate it so much? Had it being all that painful to pretend he was in love with me? I caught back a little cry as a sudden thought struck me. He's been so friendly with Joanne tonight. Had he become interested in her without my noticing? She wasn't the type of girl most boys would be attracted to, but you couldn't judge Marcus by other boys certainly not boys like Alan. Maybe Marcus or something beautiful inside Joanne that nobody else saw.

"I guess I better go in," I said.

"Yeah." He shuffled his feet like he had the time he kiss me after the movie. Then his face came down to mine, more slowly this time sort of deliberately, as if he felt that this particular night should end with a kiss. His lips brushed mine as lightly as a feather. Then he turned and ran down the path and through the gate.

When I turned out the lights I dragged myself up the stairs. All at once I was aching tired. Mom stuck her head out her bedroom door.

"How was the dance, dear?"

"Just fine, Mom. I'll tell you all about it in the morning, okay?"

Quickly I closed my door behind me. Then I stood there in all my finery . . . that gradually turned to rags and ashes in my imagination. I knew at last I hadn't been a fraud that evening. Acting as if I were in love with Marcus have not been pretence at all. I've been falling in love with him for a long time, all the I discovered it too late. It was Joanne who'd looked at him with loving eyes, who'd been interested in his every word, who'd laughed at his jokes . . . who'd should a serious moment with him, their faces only inches apart . . . while I'd used him only to attract Alan.

No wonder he could hardly wait to end the pretence that we were sweethearts. When I'd indicated I thought we should keep it up at least into the new term he'd found and said, as if the words were being dragged out of him, "Yeah, I suppose that would be the thing to do."

Even though I had only myself to blame, that hurt a lot and I know it would never stop hurting.

We'd barely finished Sunday breakfast when Kim called, wanting me to come over.

"I've asking Becky, too," she said. "She's sure be holding out on us. Did you see her with James Lerner, her big, bad boss, last night?"

"Still waters run deep," I quoted some forgotten source.

"That's so deep that we're not going to find out just what's at the bottom of them," Kim declared. Then she went on, "we won't be able to talk about this in front of her, so tell me now how did it go with Alan? The way he started out I thought he was going to monopolise your entire evening, but then I didn't see you together anymore."

"I didn't give him a chance to monopolise my evening," I said. "I found out I'm not really interested in him."

A gloating laugh came over the line. "I knew you'd wake up in time. It's Marcus, isn't it?"

"No, it isn't. We're back where we were before just friends. We'll have to go on pretending for awhile, though, are everyone at school will feel let down."

I heard a sigh of disappointment. She hadn't made much of a secret that she'd been pulling for Marcus all the time. "Hurry over," she said and hung up.

Becky was already at Kim's when I got there. We all sat on the bed and Kim grilled Becky like someone on L.A. Law cross examining a witness.

"When did the big romance with James start?"

"There's no big romance," Becky insisted. Her glasses were pushed to the top of her head and for the first time I noticed that her brown eyes were really soft and pretty.

"We both wanted to go to the dance, so we decided to go together."

"Is that really all there is to it?" Kim leaned forward, eyes narrowed. This was the moment for a surprise witness to burst into the courtroom. But I decided to spare Becky.

"She told you why she and James went to the dance together," I said, "so why don't you knock off the cross-examination? Anyway, it's her own business if she and James just happened to go together or if they're engaged or even secretly married."

"That's not fair!" Kim protested. "I sure haven't kept any secrets from you. I told you both the very day I knew I really like Tom and here Becky surprises us with James. Well, now that we know about him, I want to hear details."

I found myself wondering if I could possibly be more grown up than Kim. My gosh, she'd been flirting with boys when I'd been playing baseball with them in the vacant lot. She'd been practicing with makeup when I'd been practising stealing second base. Yet somehow how I knew the time for the the three of us to tell each other everything was over and she didn't seem to realize that's fact at all.

"Have you guys done your Christmas shopping?" I changed the subject.

Kim, who's allowance was whatever she happened to spend, pointed to a sack of beautifully wrapped gifts on the Cedar chest against the wall. "Of course I still have a lot more to do," she said.

"I haven't had much time to shop," Becky answered, "but Mom and I are going to the mall after lunch. Then I wind it up in the next couple of days. With no school and no column to write, I'll have nothing but time."

"How's your shopping coming?" Kim asked me.

I mumbled something about getting to work on it right away. I didn't want to say I was flat broke even if I was. My outfit for the dance had run way over budget, what with all the extras and I'd had to make up the difference out of my savings. I was too busy trying to think of some way I could earn a few dollars in the next couple of days to pay much attention to what came and Becky were saying I'm so Becky finally said she had to go.

"I guess I better go, too," I said.

When I got home Mom said Marcus had called and I was to call him back. That had never been a big deal before, but now I could feel the pulses in my wrists as I dialed his number.

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