The Red Witch. It had been the place to go since it opened in 1978 but it was tired. As far as anyone could recall, the only renovation involved the once yearly removal of the makeshift 'B' that pledging freshman would place over the 'W' of the outdoor sign on the building's roof. The sticky floors and ever-present smell of stale beer only added to the ambiance, but one thing was for sure- it had the ladies. The seriously hot ladies and well, let's face it, then and now, nothing else really mattered.
A pyramid of spent beer bottles dominated most of the table's square footage as Ethan returned with yet another round. Everyone was pleasantly buzzed and quickly stripped him of his generous booty.
"Locusts!" Ethan yelled. He popped the top on the remaining bottle, took a swig while turning to John.
"Darwin. Really? Darwin? You thought that would be a good idea?"
John finished his first sip and looked at Ethan. "Look, I can't seem to get rid of this guy. I know he's friends with my Uncle and all. But every semester since I started here, I end up with him in at least one class. And every class-"
"He never shuts up about Darwin!" a voice from another table shouted.
"Thank You!" John shouted back, raising his beer in a bottle salute.
"So, not a fan of Darwinism, eh? But dude, that was EPIC!" said Jay as he pulled up a seat.
"I don't know what I believe but it sure isn't Darwinism," responded John. "I'm supposed to believe that this kind of perfection started out as pond scum?" He lifted his shirt and pointed to his well-defined six-pack.
"Put it away Ferrum!" shouted Max from across the room. There was Max. John's hefty, unkempt, less than cerebral type buddy busy chatting up the local talent while smoking a ridiculously large neon purple vape pipe. John tried in vain to avoid Max's gaze.
"Ferrum!" Max bellowed. Caught, John reluctantly turned.
"Max! or should I say...Zamphir, master of the Pan flute?" The clever reference was lost on Max whose confused-looking face was now engulfed in a cloud of swirling, white vapor.
"Your...whatever that thing is," John said, pointing to his over-sized purple contraption.
"You're not the only one with a six-pack, Ferrum. Some of us just choose to carry it on the side." With that, Max pulled up his worn, ill-fitting Nirvana T-shirt revealing his blindingly white, corn-fed torso. At the same time, a group of super fine women walked by.
"Sorry ladies, he's taken," noted Jay
"No, no, no, I'm not! '' said Max. The girls giggled and scampered away towards the ladies' room. He turned to Jay and with all the seriousness he could muster said, "Hey, big bones run in the family."
Without missing a beat Jay shot back with a full dose of reality. "From the looks of things Max?" shaking his head, "nobody runs in your family."
Unfazed Max seated himself at the table and proceeded to convene a meeting. "Ok. I figured out how we're gonna make spring break money." Max turned to John. "By the way Ferrum, did I mention how much fun it was to spank your sorry ass in Battlefield last night?"
"Pffft, I've developed some mad piloting skills and you know it- If it wasn't for me, you'd still be sucking your thumb wandering around the Caspian Border looking for a way out," John said.
Unfazed, Max continued. "Alright, so here's"-
"Wait, wait, wait!" interrupted Ethan.
"What's your problem, Dufus?" an annoyed Max asked.
YOU ARE READING
John Frum The Reluctant Messiah
AdventureThere were always people watching. Even as a child he could feel it. Everyone knew he was special. Everyone except him that is. Now, through a series of fateful events, John finds himself alone, hanging upside down from the crumpled mess that was hi...
