cut my hair, Walter
inspired by hair lockets by nicole dollanganger
he was sick. Walter couldn't deny that, but oh god did he want to. he wanted to so badly. laying in front of him on sterile white hospital sheets was the man he thought he'd mary, Ben Shapiro. they had met decades ago when relations like this were frowned upon, but despite all odds they persisted. just boys not knowing how the world around them would react, if they ever would be accepted. Walter sighed, exhaling through his mouth slightly and turning to gaze at his hand that clasped the other male's on the bed. Ben fluttered his eyelashes, seemingly noticing Walter's presence.
"Walter-" a fragil, delicate voice broke the silence, "Walter, you came" Ben whispered out while giving a slight squeeze to his lover's hand.
"of course i did." Walter replied then hesitated, "i always will" he added on with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. not wanting to look at the emaciated man in the hospital bed, he swept his eyes around the room they were placed in. tall white walls loomed over the couple and the beeps from the monitor seemed to be deafening in the silence. "this room is too depressing for you." Walter broke the heavy silence that covered them like a blanket, wanting to at least hear Ben's voice. Ben chuckled slightly which then turned into a string of ugly coughing. Walter winced as he heard this, this wasn't the Ben that he knew.
"It is," a pause that felt like hours "there's no color." Ben gave a weak smile to the man above him. Walter nodded slightly, a small smile gracing his face.
"once we get you home we can paint the walls whatever color you want." was it an attempt to make his lover feel better or an attempt to give himself hope? Walter didn't know. Ben sighed at this and squeezed Walter's hand tighter.
"Walter..." Ben's eyes drifted towards the small window looking out on the field outside of the old hospital
"yes, love?"
"we both know..." the falter in Ben's voice broke Walter's heart. Walter nodded, knowing exactly what the man was trying to say. his hand started to slip from the grasp of his sick partner. Ben seemed to notice this. "Walter, come here," Ben weakly lifted his arms and held them out. almost instantly Walter had left the chair and crawled into Ben's embrace. the hospital bed was too small and it was an awkward fit but they didn't care, it didn't matter.
"i can't do this without you..." Walter had begun to cry.
"yes you can baby, i know you can." this just made Walter cry even harder, Ben attempting to comfort him by rubbing small circles on his back. quiet sobs could be heard in the room as Ben began to silently cry too. "Walter, baby" the weak voice said. this seemed to at least stop some of the crying, Walter raised his head slightly to look at Ben as a signal to continue. "I want you to cut my hair."
"wh- what?" Walter questioned
"cut my hair, please" Ben turned to the bedside table and handed Walter a pair of surgical scissors. Walter didn't take them. "Walter, i want you to cut it, and when i'm gone i want you to put it into a locket. bits of me will be existing on with you, the pieces that grew in our youth and the pieces that were part of me when i loved you." Walter nodded tearfully at this and gently took the scissors from his lovers hands.
"pieces that i'll always hold on to." the two men began to sob and hug, not caring if it was uncomfortable or anyone saw. at the moment it was just them in the world. soon the sobbing stopped and the lovers fell asleep. Walter knew that when he woke up it would be just him, the other would never wake up with him. but right now it was just them, laying together in the same bed as they did when they were young boys in their healthy bodies.
the bodies that they loved each other in
