The Demon in the Doll

Chapter 11

Hello. It's Ted Bundy again. I guess my story isn't quite finished. But I have to be honest with you. I've never met Buddy Griner in my life. In fact, I was dead years before he was even born. So what I'm doing here is beyond me. Anyway, I guess the show must go on.

The last time I left you assholes, I had just been electrocuted. In fact, the whole ordeal had been awful. My eyes had even melted in my head, and everything had gone pitch black.

However, to my complete surprise, I came back to life. I opened my peepers—which were now in tip-top shape—and realized I was surrounded by red sand and haze. I was kneeling in the rust-colored dirt in my birthday suit. Yes. My Johnson was swinging freely between my hairy legs, and I cupped my balls with both my hands.

Needless to say, I was a bit apprehensive. I stood up and looked around. There was a wooden bench not ten feet away from me. There was also a large sign next to the bench. It flashed a neon message which said, "Hi Ted. Have a seat and make yourself comfortable. Someone will come to pick you up shortly."

So I did what I was told. I sat and waited. I soon noticed that I was very hungry. It wasn't normal hunger. It ate at me like a cancer. The pangs were terrible. My stomach constantly growled as it did flip-flops. I grabbed my belly and groaned. This wasn't a I-have-to-shit kind of groan. No, it was more of a if-I-don't-get-food-I'll-die kind of groan.

Then it suddenly dawned on me. This was the fucking afterlife, and I was in hell.

"Holy crap! The priest was right. I'm totally fucked."

I noticed that there was a pack of Marlboros and a bottle of Jim Beam bourbon resting on the bench. I lit a cigarette and took a few swigs of the hooch. The booze helped disguise my imminent starvation.

It seemed like a good hour passed before anyone came. I spent the time drinking and smoking. I figured that I should enjoy life while I could. After all, if this was hell, then bad news was definitely on the way.

I was half drunk when my greeters finally arrived. You should have seen their horses. They were big, beautiful, and black. Plus their eyes glowed with fire. I guess I should have been terrified, but I was entranced by the beasts. I had to fight the urge to reach out and pet them.

The men riding the creatures were a different story, however. I wasn't too impressed if the truth be known. They seemed mismatched. Three of them were dressed as Roman soldiers. They were young and strong and had beautiful teeth. But there was an old motherfucker there as well who reminded me of Obi Wan Kenobi from Star Wars. He was dressed in a ratty robe that was in desperate need of a washing. The picture simply didn't make sense.

I stood up and the horses stopped in front of me.

I said, "Hello."

Silence. They simply stared at me.

I said, "Sorry, but I helped myself to your whiskey and tobacco. I hope that's OK."

One of the Roman soldiers smiled. "Naughty Ted, do you know where you are?"

I shrugged. "Hell?"

He said, "That's correct. And do you know your true sin?"

"I killed a lot of women."

He said, "That's it?"

"I raped them, too."

"And?"

"I also tortured them."

Suddenly, the old guy with the beard started screaming at me. "That's not why you're here, you dumb cunt. Moses committed murder. He strangled an Egyptian with his bare hands. But he's in the Kingdom. David and Paul were also guilty of murder, but they're in the Kingdom, too. So what makes you different, motherfucker?"