boreo oneshots

ＩＶ － ｉｆ ｙｏｕ ｄｉｅ， ｉ ｗｉｌｌ ｋｉｌｌ ｙｏｕ

Character Ages: Adult
Genre: Angst
Tags: Angst, lots of it, Overdose, Suicide Attempt, Self Harm, Boris get some help please, Theo get well soon, Hospitalization, Why do I make them suffer like this, Hurt/Comfort, There's a little fluffy bit

Summary: Boris relapses and ends up in the hospital. Theo doesn't deal with it well.

Trigger Warning: This chapter contains suicide attempts by overdosing, self harm, and hospitalization. Viewer discretion is advised.

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40777068
Read on Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/my-worst-nitemare/691599003721351168?source=share

***********

The room was much too silent for Theo's liking. Boris lay on the hospital bed, IV drip attached and oxygen tubes up his nose. He was breathing steadily, chest rising and falling as it should be. One hand lay over his stomach, the other in Theo's grasp. He squeezed Boris' hand, crying in relief at the fact that he was alive.

Theo had gotten home just hours earlier to find Boris laid on the floor, a bottle of pills in hand. Theo tried to get him to puke before calling it and dragging him to the car. He hadn't remembered feeling this much panic since he was shot in the arm in New York. He dragged Boris to the hospital, anxiously sitting in the waiting room until he could see him (those were the most stressful 45 minutes of his life). Now here they were in room 505 with Boris alive.

"You idiot," he whispered, clutching Boris' hand even tighter, "you fucking idiot." Visiting hours were over and he was ushered (kicked) out of the hospital, forcing himself to return home. Once he got home he broke down, kicking himself over Boris' hospitalization. Should he have paid more attention? Asked how he was? Checked on him in the night?

The rest of the night was all a blur. He didn't remember what he had done to himself. He woke up hungover and bleeding, the after effects of being high wearing off. He cried on his way to the hospital, realizing he had broken several promises he made to Boris since New York. Wiping his eyes, he grabbed a book (one of Boris' favorites), and made his way up to Boris' room.

"Hey, dumbass," he sniffled, sitting down in the chair beside Boris' bed and taking one of his hands. Boris was still asleep. A nurse came in a short while later to tell Theo about how he was doing.

"We don't know when he will wake up," she said, "He appears to have a lot of previous drug damage, so I wouldn't expect any surprises. He took a lot of pills and his body is working to push them out."

"Will you keep him once he wakes?"

"That depends on when and how he is, but most likely yes. Once he's discharged, I recommend getting him some counseling."

Theo thanked the nurse, turning back to Boris as she left the room, "Wake up soon, Boris, please."

***********

It had been about a month since Boris attempted suicide and Theo was getting worse. The cycle of drugs and cutting continued for him. He knew he should be taking care of himself so that he could take care of Boris once he woke, but he had no motivation. Theo plowed through the drugs they used to take as kids, falling victim to the 10 year old acid tabs at the back of their bedroom drawer. He tried not to think about how disappointed Boris would feel if he found out about this, letting himself succumb to the drugs.

He drove to the hospital, another one of Boris' favorite books in his hand. He made his way up to Boris' room, and sat beside him, prepared for another day of holding his hand. But when he made it up to his room, he saw Boris sitting up, placing a bowl of soup on the table beside him. Seeming to have heard him, Boris turned to the doorway and waved at Theo.

"Am I in heaven or are you just an angel, Potter?" Theo flung himself at Boris, one arm wrapped around his waist and the other in his hair. Boris' hands moved to his face as the two shared a kiss. Theo then buried his face in Boris' shoulder, sobbing.

"Don't you ever do that again!" he shouted, "Never again! I almost lost you Boris, please never do that again. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but don't you dare do that again! If you die, I'll kill you, Boris, do you hear me?!"

"I hear you and I'm sorry," Boris replied, holding Theo close to him, "You did nothing wrong, ok? I didn't mean to take so many pills, I promise you. Only wanted long sleep, not death. You need not worry."

"I don't care, Boris, you are never taking anything again. I'm not leaving you alone for a while either," he lifted himself from Boris' shoulder, opting for his arms to wind around Boris' waist instead, "I visited you every day, of course I'm going to fucking worry."

"I know," he replied, "I heard you reading to me, felt you squeeze my hand. I couldn't respond because I was too weak, but I felt it all. Which is why I want to ask you this now," he squeezed Theo's face, "How have you been doing, really? Do not lie to me, I know you have not been taking good care of yourself."

"How could I with the thought that the love of my life might die?"

"I am surprised you did not end up here with me, with those bandages, but am also very glad. I would have kicked your ass."

Theo shied away slightly at the mention of the bandages on his wrists. He had attempted suicide himself a week or two prior, waking up bleeding on the bathroom floor. After discovering he had failed, he wrapped up his wrists and tried to process what he'd just done.

"You thought you did good job at hiding from me? I know you, Theo, and I know when you are not well."

"We can worry about me later, Boris, you're in the hospital for fuck's sake!"

"Please, Theo, I need to know. Why?"

"The love of my life was dying in a hospital bed and I was partially to blame for it. I wanted to die, thinking it would make up for putting you there."

"Theo..."

"I went back on drugs, took the acid tabs from when we were kids. Got high out of mind so I would think you were just sleeping in the room next door. I remembered New York and how I couldn't do the same for you."

Boris stroked Theo's cheek and pressed a kiss to his forehead, "How about we both try and stay clean, yes? So this doesn't happen again. I'm ok now, see?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'll be there for you more, we'll talk about these things."

"Do not be sorry, I did not want you to know."

"I love you so much, Boris, never do that again dammit."

"I love you too, Theo. You know the same goes for you."

The two curled up on Boris' hospital bed, holding onto one another for dear life.

Word Count: 1125