Ripped jeans

The midnight stranger.

I woke up today with a heavy heart. I am a normal person with only one disease- I have those evenings-( my life starts only at night) where I just feel low about myself like every other teenager . so I wake up and the thoughts that run through my head are trying to make me realise that I am one step closer to dying - wow- such a great thought to start my "night "with.
I get out of my bed and head towards the kitchen because yeah I am a human and I need food . Though sometimes ,I wish I didn't . My hair is falling on my face and my sweatpants are actually becoming lose - another thing to remind me that I am dying. Who cares !(mom does)
I eat the leftovers that my mom had kept in the fridge and fart as hard as possible- my house my rules! bam! I fart good but the smell nooooooooooo where near good.
I keep the dishes in the sink -head towards my room and grab my guitar.
There is this tune that I have been dying to pin down,but every time the scales are different and I get lost midway . Today is not any different . So I pick up a hood, put on my slippers and quietly sneak through the front door. I locked the door and then I realise that it's actually cold.
I feel the wind against my cheeks and though this is weird, it gives me a sensation I have never felt before. The wind speaks to me of dreams and hopes and I can only stand there -amused -as to how this wind that sings of hope turns into a hurricane that destroys every part of a person.
I gather my senses and head towards the park where I have spent most of the nights tuning my guitar and humming new songs . I know people always sing a song and the song becomes a memory .But for me every song was a memory no one was entitled to .
So I sat there on the bench placing my guitar on my lap and started singing "LA Vie En Roses"
"Hold me close and hold me fast This magic spell you cast
This is LA vi en roses "
While I was singing I suddenly heard "her" clearing her throat.
I am scared - Its midnight.I am on the streets "alone ". I am singing and I hear someone clear her throat -feel "someone" sliding on the chair beside mine and I am scared .I am scared because....... .wait why am I scared? I am a guy -wow - that is such a great insight . I growl at my sub-consious. I thought that it was best to carry my guitar and head back home and vanish from the surface of earth not only during the day but also during the night .But then the person came nearer and I caught her smell. I knew it was a girl. I mean which guy -you know- smells like a garden?
I have never felt this close to a person except my mom and my cousins. I don't know what I am supposed to do . I have watched movies but there the guy always ends up sticking his tongue down the girls throat .What m' I thinking? What if she can read thoughts? Am I hyperventilating? I need to calm down . Breathe Jeremy breathe . yeah see you are breathing . Ignore her like you ignore your cousin Ann. yeah! keep going .
"you know you have a great voice right?"she says this as she slides next to my chair. Girls can't kill people right? Why m I sweating? Keep calm Jeremy. Don't reply.
She continues-" You may think I am nuts coming here at midnight and scaring you but you are not saner than me. Who are you? Elvis Presley? its midnight don't you have school tomorrow....?? Ummm what did you say your name was? My name is Olivia but everyone calls me olive. you know olive the food right? Am I talking to much..? Hey !you haven't even told me your name."
Who is she? No wait- What is she? Yeah -That's right.What is she? How much can a person speak within a minute? I don't know for sure but i think a lot lesser than she can.
Ignore her Jeremy .Keep calm. Breathe. Yeah breathe boy you are breathing good .- Why the fuck am I talking to myself? Why is she staring at me? Am I smelling bad? Is my fart bad? Omy god I don't like humans . No, I like humans just not this particular one.
"Hey, I know you are not dumb I just heard you sing . Well, if you don't want to tell me your name it's okay.Dude! why are you sweating ?I have a handkerchief . No need to be scared.I sneaked out just to watch the stars from here. "She handed me her handkerchief . It smelled like more flowers . Never in my life have I loved flowers so much . No wait not loved I hated it yeah totally I hate flowers.
I don't know what got into me - I leaned forward to grab her hanky when suddenly I felt the moon shine on her face.
I don't go out much well actually I don't go out at all . I haven't seen a lot of people in my life and I don't have any friends. But I surely knew how to recognize a pretty face when I saw one and right now - I was staring rather uncomfortably into one. I tried to avert my eyes but my eyes, instead wanted to catch every little detail - all the way from the little strands of hair blowing on her face to the way her lips were forcing an uncomfortable yet genuine smile . She cleared her throat again . What is it with girls and throats? Why can't a guy simply admire the beauty of a girls face in complete silence?
I grabbed the hanky rather rudely than I was trying to . She acted as if she failed to notice my unsocial behaviour and was again back to blurting -" I haven't seen you around . You seem somewhat familiar though. In which school do you study? Hey !where are you going?"
I hadn't -ever -in my entire life run so fast. I mean yeah I am strange but she just made me feel- I don't know how to put it"beautifully awkward" . I thought maybe it was only my thoughts that were running away from her but in reality - it was me - picking up speed after every step and running . Running towards my house. Running with my guitar-trying to save myself from god knows which creature and just sleep on my bed and rot till I die. Yeah that is better - dying is better than fooling around some girl whose name is "olive" I mean what is that name? But she was beautiful .Even in desperate times like these why can't I stop stating that she was beautiful? Focus Jeremy- run fast - run far. Yeah attaboy !you are nearly home. yeah now go inside and close the door and never step out again .
I banged the door rather hard but instead of going back to my room I went to the window and quietly peeked at her. It was still dark but the lamp across the street allowed me to see her. I don't know why I am acting like a stalker staring at her when minutes ago- I actually had the chance to talk to her.Let's talk about regrets,shall we?
She sat there under the lamp, staring at the sky - gently resting her head on the back of the chair she was sitting on . She sat there for another 10 minutes and got up. When she got up and turned around I could then see how she actually looked like - she had put on a pair of jeans that was folded at the bottom and had cuts all over it. why was she wearing ripped jeans? I mean is she poor and can't afford a new pair? No, wait last week I saw someone else wearing the same kind of jeans on some kinda fashion TV.What is it with women and clothes these days? The more the holes- the more it's better?I was lost in thoughts when I suddenly heard someone clear her throat again. I have started disiking throats.
I gently and cautiously turned around - only to find my mom staring at me with her hands crossed.
"Whom are you staring at?" she asked me but without waiting for a reply headed towards the window.I didn't want her to think that her son was you know" staring at girls in the middle of the night" .It's creepy .Yeah waaaaaaayyyyyy tooo creeepy.But before I could utter a word she again said-"You can watch TV instead of staring pointlessly into the empty park ,Jer." I was shocked . Where did "olive" go?
"Yeah Mom ,I just wanted to check out if the park was ,you know, empty before I go there .....but yeah okay I will watch TV. I don't really want to go out tonight. You can sleep mom".I tell her so that she doesn't ask any more questions . but she does . why do girls speak so much? " Jer is everything okay? you look a little pale."
"No Mom- Yeah everything is fine .Don't worry. It's okay I was just puuulaying my guitar and I needed some water and then I thought I could use some fresh air and then you came in ... I am okay Mom. I promise ."I lied. I wasnt okay. I wasn't okay because I didn't know if I could ever see her again . What if she will make fun of me in front of her friends? you know the "Creepy guy" who ran out on her without even saying a word . Do I want to see her again ? yeaah . Does she want it too? I don't know . Can two people who don't want the same things get it even when only one of them is trying to get it? why am I over thinking?
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realise that my mom had already gone to bed. So I headed upstairs to my room with my guitar and what the fuck? I still smell like flowers .why am I smelling like flowers? And then...... I realised - I still held her hanky in my hands. Yeah ,dude you are meeting her again.
The only thing that I did that day till dawn creeped in was think of the way I would start a conversation with her - if I ever see her again. And as the day began I slowly fell asleep .The midnight stranger surely gave my "day" a meaning