Dead Inside

1

Hello so before reading this i would like to say that i got a lot of help & ideas from my lovely friend dnftookovermymindxx  their (idk people's gender don't kill me Nikki) a really good writer and you should definitely go and check out her stories.

Tw:
Death

I looked down at the plain white floor. Seeing my tears falling down on it. I had loved him so much. He never got to know. Tears where falling down my face. The grief was unbearable. Some people went up to the front to say some words. I cried even more seeing my best friend sapnap coming.
"dream!" I turned around. Was someone calling my name?

"dream!"

"What the fuck i mumble, still half asleep. He tried his best to open his eyes. Not really working to be honest.

I slightly turned my head around to the door seeing Sapnap standing in the doorway. Making a face at my dirty room. I groaned.

"George" i mumble. Memories from my dream come flooding over me. A tear falls down my face.

I slowly start getting out of bed. Tho my back isn't really allowing it. Somehow, i mange to get out of bed, put on a fresh hoodie and a pair of jeans.

A groan escapes my lips as i step out of my really dirty room. I wipe away the tears that has fallen down my face.
I start walking down the stairs, they make sounds as if they would break any minute. Spitting me out underneath them. Luckily they don't.

When i finally makes his way to the kitchen, all my friends are already sitting either there. Or somewhere else in their house.
Sapnap, my best friend, gives me a bright smile as he sits down next to me. He looks at me with a worried Expression.

"Dream" he says and places a cup of probably coffee next to me. I look up at him, waiting. 

"You good?"he says,  I sigh.

"Depends on how you look at it"
He looks at me, puzzled.

"No?" i say and hide my face in the sleeves of my hoodie. A few more tears escaping my eyes. Karl comes out of the living room and sits next to me. He leans his head on my shoulder slightly calming me down. (As friends If that has to be said:))

My eyes wander around the newly renovated kitchen. A wave of guilt comes over me. It took 'us' over a month to make the kitchen look this pretty. Before. it was dirty, ugly and really old looking. Now. It looked modern and just in general. Better.
Still i couldn't shake of the guilt. The thing was. I basically hadn't helped at all with the renovation. I could never get out of bed. And i didn't feel like helping my friends. That obviously made me feel guilty.

"Dream..." Karl says while Sapnap is making cereal. Probably for me. I slightly look in his direction. He gives me a small smile.
I feel guilty. Because the smile doesn't really help.

"Are you sure you don't wanna at least try therapy?" Sapnap places the bowl of cereal Infront of me. I sigh.

Should i?

"Dream, he died 3 years ago" i sigh. Yes. Yes he did. But if i go to therapy. I will probably just forget about him. And i don't want that. People tend to call it 'moving on'. I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Ok hi it's me, anyways so This plays in November & december 2022. So from now on in a few months. So 3 years ago was 2019 about to be 2020 (if my calculations are right ofc but my IQ is at 20 so maybe that's totally fucking wrong pls dont kill me)

I sighed and looked down at the food. Both my friends looking at me intensely. I sigh for the forth time in a matter of less then an hour. Shit.

"I'll think about it" i said looking at my slightly shaking hands.

Sapnaps jaw basically dropped. Karl made a loud 'yay' and his arms flew up in the air. They where acting like i had won some type of award.

Words-584