𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐍 ✧ 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 ✧

| He's gone |

Angst

Warnings: mentions of death

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"He's gone."

"But let me begin. Death is  a strange concept. There were times where I feared death itself and others where I couldn't anticipate it anymore. But that's for myself. I never felt as though I had enough worth to leave an impact on this world. And I was okay with that. I didn't mind that my life wouldn't in anyway shape or form leave an imprint behind. I was used to feeling worthless, or like nobody cared for me. Then again, I still didn't mind. Because it meant that nobody cared enough to taunt me or bully me. I was always just there. Invisible, as I liked to say."

"That was until Eddie came along. At first, I hated his humourous and charismatic personality. For a while, it made me irritated, and sick at how somebody could be that happy. What confused me and annoyed me though, was how he spent his days trying to make me smile. To make me laugh, make me cry. He was constantly trying to evoke healthy emotions from me, and it puzzled me because I didn't feel like I had enough worth for him to be putting his time and energy into me. It made me feel like I was a drag on his life, like a smell that would never leave."

"But he changed that. I realized that I must mean something in this fucked up world for him to willingly choose to make me happy. It made me feel special, and loved like I never had before. I grew dependent on his encouragement, to make me feel loved and he always delivered, never once failing to give me hope that I so badly needed. It was enough to make me love him. Even with his dumb jokes, strange humour. I loved everything about him. "

"His contagious smile, his ugly laugh. When he walked into a room, you'd be sure to know and you would not be able to hide the smile that his presence would bring. That's exactly what he did for me. And I thank him. For the amount of happiness he brought into my life that I refused to have for a while. He pulled me from the pit of depression, and he showed me what true happiness was. He showed me that life was worth living, whether you left an impact or not, and how to not to give a shit about people who want nothing but to put you down."

"One day, just a few months ago, we had an argument. It was over something stupid, something I was being petty about. Out of anger, I told him that I hated him. I hated him, and I never wished to see his face again. And for a while, I stuck by that. I stuck by my fucking words, that I would give my life to take back. I would give anything for Eddie to know I didn't hate him. Because I don't. And I never have. I was blinded my selfish anger, and I blurted words that I would slit my throat to undo. But I can't. I can't, because... Be- because, Eddie is- he's... He's dead. And there is nothing in this world that could amount to how much I fucking miss him. "

You glanced up from your written words, vision blurring with tears as you looked out at the few people who stood in silent misery around the grave. Eddie's D&D club, his uncle, Steve, Nancy, Robin. His uncle was stood at the front, head dipped in respect while he fiddled with the bottom of his creased blazer. When your eyes skimmed over his D&D club, you almost burst out in tears. Dustin was trying to hide his tears, but his bottom lip was quivering as he didn't blink, not wanting more tears to fall. Mike was staring dead ahead, eyes wide and eyebrows drooped as if he was still digesting the death of Eddie. Taking a shaky breath, you looked back down at your page of messily written down speech.

"I was there. I was there when he- he died. I couldn't stop him from pulling one of his stupid, stupid ideas. Eddie wanted to be hero. A hero for a town that wanted his head on a spike. I personally don't understand, because if he hadn't made that choice, we wouldn't be here. But being the idiot that he is, he ran off to be a hero. And it cost him his life. As we held him, begging him not to leave," you put the back of your hand to your mouth to muffle a sob, looking up to stop the tears that were threatening to fall, "he looked up at us, with his adorable, chocolate button eyes, " you let out a sad laugh, "and he smiled. In his last moments, the fucker smiled and then he told me he loved me."