A bile was stuck on my throat.
I was walking the outskirts of town while feeling remorseful. It was the never ending cycle of shedding of tears I couldn't endure. I couldn't help but linger the longing I felt after that incident came by.
June's coming right up with the opening of classes but I couldn't feel happier while it was all gone.
It was already past ten thirty but I can still here the loud blasting of music in a bar near the shore. Yung mga tao ay nagiging wild na at mas lalo pang sumasayaw. Pumunta ako malapit roon para tumingin. Syempre, I wouldn't be inside. My oversized shirt and shorts would feel out of place.
Patuloy lang ako sa paglalakad ng makakita ako ng lalaking nasa buhangin at parang wala lang sa kaniya ang alon na lumalapit sa pwesto niya. He's only wearing a leather jacket without anything inside which made his six pack abs visible on my view. He's also wearing a ripped jean ergo it made him look like a villain. He got this chinky eyes but tanned skin which made a disparity on his features. Looks can really be deceiving since he's reading a book with a headphones plugged on his ears!
I can feel my heart plummet with the intensity of his eyes boring on me. It was listless but my whole system floundered with his seething eyes.
And I vowed to myself that it was a fortuitous scene and not by intention cause I saw him the other day when I was enrolling
at school.
"Lory babe!"
I rolled my eyes. Obviously the bane of my existence.
"What are you doing, Rivo? Can you tone done your voice for a second?" annoyance consumed me. We're in a crowded place for damn's sake!
“We just saw each other today after summer tapos pagkakaitan mo pa ako. May I also remind you that I'm courting you?"
"Sino?" I kept smiling while waiting for his answer.
"Ako," he pouted and held my hand.
"Sinong nagtanong," smile still plastered while I heard him squawking.
"Pasalamat ka at mahal ki—"
I covered his enormous and loud mouth with my fingers. Tiningnan ko pa kung may nakakita ba and my traitor eyes stared at him like I saw a phantom! It's so ludicrous to see his odious eyes as I was swallowed with mortification. He stared at me up and down before he licked his lower lip and continue his reading.
The way I didn't faze him with his reading is trully ridiculous! Tiningnan ko pa kung anong binasa niya kasi lagi ko talaga siyang nakikitang nagbabasa. The Secret History by Donna Tartt. Okay that's kinda bizarre.
I trundle with my way to the exit to compensate my hunger. Sumunod na naman si Rivo sa akin kaya mas lalo pa talaga akong nainis. I deliberately opened the door of the resto as the guards greeted me and I grinned.
I sat on the farthest side of the resto and ordered a grilled chicken and raspberry dacquiose for lunch. Syempre I didn't pay for my own serving. He's always insisting naman tapos magagalit kapag ako ang nagbayad.
Rivo was the only guy who tolerated my sour mood as always. I stalled him for the myriad time but he would always coax me with his brisk and determined energy. He's eager with his words for me when I'm incredulous and skeptical of his courting.
"I would only see you barely for years kaya lulubos lubosin ko na, Lory. Bakit naman kasi ang layo ng Psych building sa Nursing?"
"Tanong mo sa engineer at architect ng school at bakit nila ginawa iyon," I merely rolled my eyes with the thought of it. His forehead crease and lips pouting and it's almost satisfying as finishing a pile of projects.
My raring expression came into life as I saw him opening the door with his veiny hands. I frolicly ate my lunch as I stared at him but it stopped when I saw him with someone. In hindsight, I would still be eager with my heart like a lair whenever he's around but it would also just turn into vain. He's got a lover so why would I still be hopeful with this unrequited love?
He was pulling a chair for the girl and I thought chivalry is dead but it's not. I saw his lips quirking about whatever the girl was talking so I inwardly roll my eyes to stop myself from feeling like a lovesick puppy. It's disgusting. I should chase my dream rather than a guy.
I focused my sight on Rivo who's enthusiastic demeanor didn't fade. I smiled with him, laughed with him and felt sorry for the things he goes on to by himself.
"I swear, Lory, I really envy your life. Yung walang problema tapos you're always smiling."
That stopped me on tracks. I've been so private with my personal life that I stopped indulging on social media since It wouldn't give me peace of mind. People don't actually know what I've been going through cause I'm afraid to vent up with people cause maybe they would judge me or gloat me with my misfortune or success.
I stared on the mirror. Praising the person in front of me. It would really help me to calm my nerves and practice self love with this. I would sometimed flirt on the mirror like I'm some kind of lunatic.
I've got sleepy eyes and pointed nose with cupid like lips as well as my ginger hair and milky skin with freckles under my eyes. I'm not that fit and not too fat. I would say that I'm halfway. People would always look at me like I'm a total freak with my hair and freckles but it's natural from my mom and dad's genes.
I wore my psychology uniform and ID. I fixed the strands of my hair and tucked it at the back of my ear, gathered my things inside my bag and closed the door. I went downstairs like I can't breathe. I clutch my heart to stop it but it's unbearable. Kumapit ako sa railings na parang maiiyak na. Huminga ako ng malalim ng paulit ulit to calm my breathing. And it didn't stop after that.
"Panic attack?!" I felt like I'm electrocuted. My hands were shaking rapidly. Should I consult my self to a therapist?
As I went by inside the school, I can see numerous of students coming inside with their circle of friends as I felt like an outcast. I squished my unsquishy bag and proceed to a building. The lift opened and my train of thoughts stopped me when I saw him again. Nagdadalawang isip pa ako kung papasok ba ako. It would be awkward since we would be the only person if I went inside. I checked my watch and stopped the awkwardness so I wouldn't be late on my class.
He's wearing a uniform with his hands on his pocket while raising a brow at me as if judging me. I stepped inside and averted my eyes somewhere so he wouldn't suspect the red stains on my cheek. I swallowed a lump on my throat every minutes to stall my inane thoughts.
Ramdam ko ang mainit na kamay sa likod ko at muntik ko nang pagalitan ang sarili dahil gusto kong tingnan. Gladly, my demeanor didn't change. Stoic.
The elevator tinged when we're already on the fourth floor. I stepped outside without looking back at him when he also went out. So we're in the same course huh?
Naglalakad ako sa hallway ng may nakabunggo sa akin na lalaki. The impact was too much that I almost fell on the floor but thank god someone caught my waist and helped me stood up. My books were still on the floor.
"Hinay hinay naman oh! Kitang may babae rito!" he uttered fervently, completely mollified.
I stood there frozen with my train of thoughts. The guy apologize to him but he turned the guy down.
"Bakit sa akin ka humihingi ng tawad? It should have been her."
Sa huli, tumingin naman ang lalaki sa akin at humingi ng tawad. He's sincerely looking at me and I nodded briefly. We didn't know that he's in a hurry for his class naman.
"That was rude," I pointed out.
"And what? Let him walk past you without even saying sorry?"
"And what? You should've talked to him nicely without your rude way of speaking. Mukha kang nakikipag away niyan and you don't sound concerned. You look like you hated the guy at first sight." I spit honestly since it's an horrendous act he's been doing.
He looked at me, his eyed devoid with emotions. He rolled his eyes. "Ikaw pa nga ang tinulungan." He picked up my books and gave it to me.
"Well sorry for you but I didn't need your help. Ikaw ang kusang lumapit sa akin kaya wag mo akong pagbuntungan ng galit mo!"
