An uncertain Future | BokuAkaKuroKen • Omegaverse

Guilt

Chapter 6: Guilt

  "Kenma is..."
Kuroo stared at Bokuto and the test incredulously and Akaashi could see his gaze fixating on the two red lines, indicating that it was positive. A stunned silence filled the room as they tried to wrap their heads around this. It was hard to put into words how the Omega felt, he was torn between excitement, surprise, worry, and shock, and... guilt settling in the back of his mind.
He shouldn't be excited about this, not when he knew exactly how Kenma felt about this. The smaller never wanted this. He didn't want to be the one carrying, was afraid of it. It was okay. None of them would ever blame him, their guilt clearly evident through the bond was proof of that.
His was none compared to the Alphas', who undoubtedly blamed themselves for the turn of events.
  "We messed up." Bokuto almost whispered the words. The silent tone of his voice was so unlike him that Kaashi wouldn't have believed it to be his if he hadn't seen it for himself. He lowered his head and bit down on his lip. His shoulders were shaking and he almost dropped the test with how much his hands were trembling.

  "No, it... It can't be! Kenma can't be... He never wanted to..." He couldn't say it. Instead, he stammered incoherent words and phrases trying to puzzle them together in a way that made sense. "Tetsu." Akaashi reached a hand out and held him by the wrist as he did before to calm him. "It will be alright. Let's all sit down first."

They did, hesitantly they made their way towards the living room and took a seat on the couch.

"So what next...?"
He didn't know. None of them did. This was... unexpected.

Days of searching their minds for an answer didn't prepare them for this. They hadn't even come to consider the possibility. Why would they?
It was clear from the very start that Kenma didn't want this, never. They had been so careful, hadn't they?

"At least that explains everything, doesn't it?" Kuroo looked at them.

Akaashi nodded. "Yeah..."

"How? I mean why would he... Why didn't he tell us that he is pregnant?" Bokuto tapped nervously with his feet, chewing on his bottom lip while staring off into the distance.

"He panicked. It's only logical. Kenma was always afraid of this. He didn't want this." Kuroo's expression darkened further and he clenched his hands into fists. "I'm sorry... We messed up. I... I don't know how. We were so careful."

"It happens birth control fails, nothing is a hundred percent effective." Akaashi rubbed soothing circles over his palm. "Don't forget that we were trying for a baby. Maybe we messed up."

...

"But then... Why did he leave? We could have helped him, couldn't we?" Bokuto looked up his eyes raw with emotions as the tears spilled over.  Kuroo gently pulled him closer to his side. "Kenma is not good at verbalizing things that are frightening him."

A heavy silence filled the room as they all got lost in their own thoughts.

...

"Do you think... he blames us?" The ace tightened his grip on the fabric of his shirt and gulped. Kuroo wanted to answer but he couldn't. Upon being presented with the opportunity the words got stuck. "He didn't want to stay with us. What if he hates us? ... for doing that to him? It's our fault, isn't it?"

"No." The black-haired Omega looked at them determinedly. "No it's not and he doesn't hate you." A small smile spread on his face, while silent tears fell from his eyes. He couldn't help it as he felt their pain flowing into him through the bond. "He promised, remember. He promised that it's not because of us and that he would tell us if it was. He doesn't blame you or me."

More and more tears fell forming a steady stream as the emotions became overwhelming. "He just couldn't say it you know. He is scared and alone and he didn't know what to do.
We all were so excited to finally try and conceive a child that he probably feels guilty that he doesn't want it even though it was never supposed to be him. Even though none of us would ever blame him."