Soul Behind The Mask

11. Hoping Thoughts

⚠️ WARNING!!: Depictions of suicidal thoughts and depression are present. Reader's discretion is advised.

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A beautiful evening, Stefan was enjoying dinner with Maria, the masquerade girl. Despite his core wound of abandonment, so far nothing has happened for him to no trust her, and she seemed to have taken quite the interest in him - something he, even if he didn't like to admit to himself, greatly enjoyed to receive.

"I very much enjoyed tonight's evening, Mr. Arnold"

"Oh please, Miss, call me Stefan" he smiled shyly.

The woman grinned happily, wiping her mouth delicately with a white napkin. She adjusted part of her deep black curls. "Very well, Stefan."

Having finished his dinner, Stefan stood up and gallantly approached her. "Please, allow me to escort you to your carriage, miss"

A beautiful carriage covered in purple ornaments was waiting for Maria.

Before getting in, the woman stopped for a second, which made Stefan flow his mind with intrusive thoughts.

"Is something wrong, miss?"

"No" she smiled, sparkling, and softly leaning to him, kissed his right cheek. "Maria, please. I don't like formalities much".

"N-neither I do, M-Maria" Stefan felt his face skin burning.

Maria giggled and got into the carriage. She waved goodbye to a shocked Earl.

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While Stefan was still enjoying the memories of the visit from his fair lady, the banished prince was struggling to fall asleep. The pain on his lower back he developed a month ago wasn't helping either.

Maybe it was from the bad postures he took when sitting and laying down, or even from constant running. Or stress. He didn't really know.

Falling to depression and having no one to talk to except his friend and a few casual chats with the tavern owner (which were becoming lesser as times went by) he despised this isolation.

But at the same time, he felt he needed to inflict this punishment upon himself. He deserved it.

He wasn't worthy of love. Or friends. Or even her.. He killed his own mother.

How could he??

How could he be so careless? So aggressive? A murderer.

Yet, a big part of his soul wanted, yearned, CRAVED to have his Ashlyn hold him tightly in her arms.

He just needed some comfort. And he couldn't get that feeling out of his chest, since the first moment he saw her.

Sometimes he even thought of ending his life. But then how would his mother meet him in heaven?

His father was angry at him. Despised, hated him as he did to himself anyway. He had no one to support him.

Lewis didn't even deserve to be in heaven. To rest. And his sister... His lovely sister.

In the tavern room, he didn't even care to check if anyone was spying on him, years started flowing down his cheeks.

The banished prince lowered his head. Every day was hard, and his health was declining as well.

His will to live as well as mana, were decreasing as days went by.

The irony of the situation is that he wanted to actually ask Ashlyn for help, he knew somehow she might be able to heal him (I mean, how else could have she did THAT sort of miracle before??) but at the same time...

Thoughts were running through his head. He wasn't worthy of care, of love, of anything.

He just needed to die. Then he at least, would find some peace.

But then, she popped in his mind.

"Oh Ashlyn, my love.... How I miss you. How I yearn for your soft embrace... If only I could touch you... If only embrace you... If only... "

He sighed. She couldn't know his secret. Not that he was the banished prince, the prince whose face was almost forgotten, nor that he was was a Lion. A monster now.

He couldn't possibly be worthy of this angel.

But oh how much he loved her. He tried it to, but he couldn't stop thinking about her. She was his hope, his light in darkness.

But then again, how such a loser he was. The Prince, and he lost his throne, his family, his friends, his kingdom... And a chance to have a normal life.

It was really pointless. Useless.

He needed to see Ashlyn again.

He morfed back into a lion and ran to her humble house.

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Back in her house, Melody was counting the cash she got from selling paintings.

After careful consideration, and putting some below her mattress to save it for a house for herself, it was about time to switch to her real passion in business - helping others feel understood, process their emotions with energy, and heal.

People mostly knew her from her caring, loving and patient nature. It was about time she put her skills to good use. She stood up from her bed, determined. She would do ANYTHING to escape that house.

She approached her window, and saw a black mane peaking out from the grassfields.

"Erin?" She muttered.

She smiled, checking that it was indeed, her most favorite lion, softly growling at her.

"Papa, mama, I'm going for a walk" she shouted.

"Okay, but make sure you don't go far, you hear me?" Her father replied.

Ashlyn didn't care. She didn't even took the time to take her boots or any shoes at least, she ran towards her loyal friend, hugging him by his back.

"Oh Erin, you don't know much I missed you!" She closed her eyes, smiling.