Destined for Destruction

chapter four - delilah

"This sucks and I'm bored." I declared, slamming my book shut. "I wanna swim."

"I wanna pass our exam tomorrow," James rebuttaled. He had a point. Our second exam out of five was tomorrow morning, first thing. I did shit on the first exam and had to redeem myself. Especially because a low GPA could get you kicked out of the class.

"How can you get kicked out of five-week long class anyways?"

James shrugged. "Fail too many tests," he guessed. "Which will be us if we don't get back to studying."

But I don't wannaaaa, I thought. But I wanted him to like me, so I didn't let on how bored I was.

"Come on," he said. "Tell me how the heart works and once we finish these last two quizzes, we can go swimming."

That was the other thing that I was so terrified of. Why on Earth did I invite him over to swim? I mean, yeah. I love my pool and I love to share it with others — especially on hot July afternoons like this. But I don't love the feeling of my wet bathing suit sticking to every curve on my body. My boobs felt ginormous and my stomach felt even bigger. I'm glad I went with the one-piece but even still, would a bikini have been much worse when you're as big as me?

Even though my eyes were on my textbook, I couldn't read a damn word. I was so caught up in my self-consciousness, I couldn't focus. "Dee?"

"Yeah?" I choked out, trying to act natural. I loved the sound of my nickname in his voice.

"Tell me how blood flows through the heart." He said, his tone patient.

I maintained eye contact as I explained that the blood flows through the right atrium before entering the right ventricle through the bicuspid valve. "But we don't need to know the valves, I think."

He nodded, smiling back at me. Ironic to be talking about the heart as mine began racing. He's just so handsome. I can't stand it.

We finished reviewing our notes from class and going over the quizzes we did throughout the week. I was grateful that the class would only be five weeks, but it was crazy intense. Lectures went on for hours and we covered so much material in such a short amount of time. Not to mention it was your classic "death by PowerPoint," as James called it. I loved it, but it was a lot.

James closed his textbook and I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank God," I threw my head back.

James laughed. "Alright, do you know any games that we can play with just two people?"

"Hmm," I looked around the pool, as if inspiration would strike. "We could race laps or just float around in the inner tubes." Then I realized that if I sit in the inner tubes, he'll get a great view of my stomach.

That's the other thing. I feel like I can't tell anyone else about my stupid little crush on this guy. My other classmates are either very clique-y, or worse yet, very apathetic. I never really fit in with the popular kids when I was in school and all these kids think their shit doesn't stink. The ones who don't, they're just in class to get their cert and leave. Don't get me wrong, Alice, Natalie, Katie, and Brandy are nice enough. Maybe I could befriend Katie, but the class was already half over! Brandy always knew how to make me laugh. But they're all so much older than me. Hell, Brandy was turning 30 the next month. Things like crushes and nerves aren't anything that are on their radars, except maybe Kate, but she was already in a committed relationship. I feel so silly compared to them.

James' voice stole me out of my thoughts. "A race?" He laughed. "What are we, twelve?"

I nodded, smiling wide. "What are you, chicken?"