𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 (on hold)

| 𝟏𝟗 |

I revelled in the power it gave me for a few moments. The trust Matthias had in me, and the weight of the gun in my hand. I thought that with a little time, I could become addicted.

I loved the way it felt. The cold metal that sat in my palm perfectly. The amount of control that such a small thing gave me. I wasn't sure that I could ever take a life, but just this feeling was enough for me.

It was almost euphoric, the dizzying sensation of pure power. Matthias looking up at me, the gun to his head, felt so strange. He was physically so much stronger than me, and yet just this gun could overpower him entirely.

I wasn't short, but I was certainly not strong, and having one singular thing in my hand that I could use, that I also knew would overpower any opponent, was an incredible feeling.

Matthias nodded as if he knew what I was feeling,
"Already getting addicted?"

I shrugged,
"I know what you're talking about now, anyways."

He smiled, and I realised that the gun was still against his temple. I quickly moved it away, and Matthias stretched his neck, now that there wasn't any pressure against his head.

I let the gun hang in my hand by my side for a while, revelling in the peace it brought me. The weight seemed to ground me, and I was thankful for Matthias' little experiment.

"I'd get one, if they weren't illegal."

He laughed,
"Maybe you can borrow one of mine for a mission."

I shrugged,
"I'm not sure if I could actually shoot one."

"I used to say that, but the minute it gets stressful, I could shoot with no hesitation."

I held the gun up and inspected it, almost with a loving gaze. I couldn't imagine using it for harm. It made me feel so good, that I couldn't even think how it would be possible to cause pain with.

After staring at the solid metal in my hand for a while, I noticed that Matthias was watching me. I couldn't tell what was in his eyes, but I knew that it was something significantly more than neutrality.

I shook my head to bring me back to the present, and then I looked to the gun and turned the safety back on. I went to hand it back, but Matthias stopped me,
"You have to hold the barrel when you hand it back."

I flipped the gun over in my hands, feeling less happy when I thought about losing its presence. I handed it back to him the correct way, and he put it straight back in the drawer.

We stared at each other for a while, and I felt my cheeks heat when he gently smiled at me,
"Confidence suits you."

"Thank you."

"I never want you to be scared of me."

I shrugged,
"I don't think that's going to be possible."

Matthias furrowed his eyebrows,
"We need a safe word."

My cheeks heated again, and I held back a laugh. It must have been very visible on my face, as Matthias' jaw dropped,
"Fuck, Juniper. Not like that. Oh my god. Get your head out of the gutter."

I held up my hands in surrender, grinning,
"You were the one who said it."

He shook his head,
"You know I didn't mean it like that. I meant a word that you can use if I start scaring you."

"Oh."

He smiled kindly,
"I don't ever want to scare you, but sometimes I do things that aren't purposefully scary. I'm so used to Xavier not caring that I didn't even think it might scare you."