Matilda || H.S.

1.

Hands on the wheel, summer morning's breeze making its way through the car's window. The one that Robin had left us. He left us. With that stupid cassette still on the car radio, after all those years. My mom and Robin must have bought it during their honeymoon road trip to Italy, all those years ago. And of course, it was a cassette of an italian singer whose voice my mom fell in love with. It's been years since the last time I was in this car. The last time, we were all together: mum, Robin, Gemma and me. And the cassette, of course. But this time, it was just me and that stupid cassette reminding me how lonely I was. Ok, it wasn't stupid, the singer was actually really good: her stage name was Mina, one of the greatest voices of Italy. But still, lonely. But it had to be this way. After being stuck in the US for longer than I would have wanted, I was finally able to go back home. And there she was, Robin's car. We had all this trip planned, a couple of years ago. I would have finished the tour and then we would all jump in that car, driving through Italy recreating the roadrip of all those years ago. By the time my first solo tour was about to start, things had already collapsed. It was too late and that trip that we kept talking about through a phone, it remained just a dream. It was a couple of months ago, when I was finally able to go back to Holmes Chapels that I found myself in that closed garage. I was looking for some old stuff that mom asked me to bring out so that we could decide if it was still usable. And there I saw it. That damn car. I stood there, paralyzed, for an imprecise amount of time. My mum was the one who brought me back to reality, putting a hand on my shoulder <<Harry, honey. Is everything ok?>>. And there I just knew, I had to do it. It had to be done. From that moment I started planning this trip, trying to stick to Robin's plan under the preoccupied look of my mother. She didn't say anything, not even when I told her I was going to do it alone. Because she knew I needed to do it. Gemma, on the other end, had more concerns about it <<Please, be careful.>> that's all she said, after weeks of silence following my announcement, before finally stepping in the car and letting the engine start. It's been two weeks since that day. I was almost at the end of the trip, just one place left. The one of the photo that Robin had left on the dashboard. It was 7.30 in the morning when I parked the car in the almost empty parking lot. This little village in the North of Italy was still awakening. It seemed like time had stopped in this place, everywhere you look it was like being teletransported into a different era. It was beautiful. A bittersweet smile appeared on my face while remembering Robin's words about it. They actually get lost, so that's how they found it while exploring Italy. And they liked it so much that they ended up staying here longer than they had planned. "It would be nice to get lost and find ourselves there again, one last time". That's what Robin said to me, during one of our last conversations about that planned trip that we thought about. So, that's what I was going to do. Get lost and find myself here, in this city that seems frozen in time. Stepping out of the car, I didn't bother to grab my suitcase and go straight to the hotel I was supposed to stay at. I just took my baseball cap and sunglasses with my backpack, placing it on my shoulders while my hand automatically grabbed that photo that haunted me for the whole roadtrip. I didn't exactly know where that place in the photo was. The only clue was the sign on the background, "Cafe Pascoli". I started walking without purpose apart from finding that book cafe that my mom and Robin wouldn't shut up about. Apparently, it was one of the oldest treasures of this place. Without knowing it, less that 20 minutes later, I found myself in front of that exact same sign, with the same tables in front of it where my mom and Robin sat. It was like nothing had changed. But yet, everything has. I looked down at the picture I had in my hand, wishing that I wasn't back there alone, that we could have had more time to be there together. I got closer to the entrance, grabbing my camera from my backpack, and started taking pictures of the Cafe. But it wasn't enough, He had to be in it too. So I started looking around me, trying to find someone who could take a picture of me, with the photo, in front of the building. In the exact same moment when the tolling of the bells marked 8 o'clock, a girl with dark brown wavy hair was rushing with her old bike to the same Cafe. She tied the very much old and used vehicle to a fence nearby before grabbing her keys and opening the front door of the Cafe. In doing so, she looked at me quizzically, before saying something in what I recognised was italian. Even though my family's obsession with Italy was evident, none of us was able to speak italian. Apart from Robin. He started studying it in the last stage of his illness. But being the complicated language it is, he gave up in the end, "too old, too tired. You're gonna learn it for me" he said. <<Sorry, I don't speak italian>> I responded, with a tinge of embarrassment while a look of realization crossed her face. With both her hazel eyes and a sweet grin, she smiled at me repeating what she just said for the dummy who didn't respect his step dad's wishes and didn't learn italian <<I'm sorry but the place is closed>>. A breath that I didn't know I was  holding escaped me, before saying <<It's not a problem, I can come back. When will you be open?>> and I think at that point the disappointement on the girl's face was matching mine while she stambeld through her words, saying <<I don't..we're actually..I don't really know when the new owner will open. Or if he will decide to do so. >> Oh. Without even noticing, my gaze dropped on the photo I was holding in my hand. I was so close, yet so far. <<Have you been here before?>>  she snapped me out of my own mind, making me raise my gaze towards her who, I noticed, was looking at the same picture in my hand. Instinctivly, I put it down, trying to hide it from her eyes. I shook my head, before saying without even thinking <<My stepdad loved this place, kind of obsessed with its  "Dessert of the house">>.   I kind of lost myself observing the place that haunted me for the whole journey . It was the girl who brought me back, jokingly saying <<Take a picture, it'll last last longer>>. So I took the opportunity and asked her right away <<About that. Would mind taking a picture of me?>>. Without saying anything else, she dropped the handle of the door, closing it and grabbed my camera, stepping a few feet away in order to capture the background. <<You could take off your cap and sunglasses, if you want>> she suggested, probably due to the fact the sun hadn't made its appearance on that side of the road and I would end up as a black spot in the middle of the picture. Debating with myself whether or not it was a good idea exposing myself, I eventually took my "disguise" off, praying that no young girl would pass in front of me right in that moment. I managed to pass unnoticed for the last couple of weeks, I clearly didn't want to be spotted. Especially not here. Placing the photo of my mum and Robin right in front of my chest, I look up to the girl with my camera in her hands. I caught her observing me. God, did she recognise me? Fuck. I shook any bad feelings off after she asked, returning to focus on the picture that it was supposed to be taken <<Ready?>>. I simply nodded, akwardly posing for the picture. I lood down at the photo now in front of my chest and then at the girl who was about to frame the moment when it hit me: I did it. A sob escaped me, followed by a content smile. I did it. I saw her moving the camera, taking a few shots before leaving her spot and getting closer handing me the camera back. <<I took a few, hope they're good>>. I took a look at the pictures taken and a sincere smile appeared on my face: it almost seemed like everything was where it was supposed to be. Lost and found. We were here. He was here, again. <<Thank you, they're perfect>> I thanked her while I saw her biting her lower lip, almost unsure to speak. Then she took a breath, before saying <<I'm actually still getting all the things ready to be moved. If you want to see the place yourself  as it was back then. Plus, I still have il Dolce della casa, if you want to try it yourself>>. A smile of gratitude crossed my face while nodding as I seemed not being able to find words. She smiled back, signaling me to follow her inside. A sense of familiarity overtook me, brought by all the detailed descriptions of the place, gently offered by mum and Robin. The walls where covered in books, the tables where a dark shade of wood, engraved with different writers' or novels' names. Several plants were adorning the place, but what caught off guard, even though my mum's words anticipated what was now in front of me, was the internal backyard. A few tables were set under a couple of pergolas decorated with jasmine plants. As in the front, there were books and magazines all over the tables. <<While you choose where to sit, I'll bring you what you're here for>> she asked, noting my heart eyes.  I found my spot under a tangling brace of jasmine flowers with in front a couple of books. One of them was in italian so I didn't even bother to try to understand what it was about. The other one I was very familiar with. Well, at least with the movies that came out of it. Matilda, by Roald Dahl. What was a children's book doing here? I grabbed it, moved by curiosity and opened it. Right in the front page where there was just the name of the author and the title of the book, in a very elegant writing somebody scratched "To my Matilda: keep traveling and dream about the world, with and without books". <<Oh, I didn't remember I left it there. I'll have to remember to pack it>> the girl, again, took me back from my thoughts, placing the plate with the cake and the coffee on the table. I simply smiled at her, while my mind was rolling towards the idea that she might be the addressee of the lines in the front page of the book. I took the time to enjoy the cake, savoring the cup of coffee right after. I remember my mum telling me that she tried to ask for the recipe, but the old woman who was taking care of the place at the time told her she couldn't have it because it was a secret recipe. After finisching it, I stood up to bring the plate and the cup back inside, not wanting to overstay. Once inside, I I couldn't help but notice the large amount of things that she would have been supposed to move out. And I couldn't help but notice that she was alone in doing so. Already willing to help her in order to thank her for letting me in, I sped up when one of the boxes fell on the ground while she was carrying it. I ran towards her, trying to limit the damage, preventing her to fall too. <<Woo, that was close.>> she commented, chuckling, before thanking me. Withouth her asking me, I started to help her collect the things thathad just fallen, causing her to urgently saying << There's no need, I can manage to do it>> to which I responded keeping helping her. <<I'm happy to help. Please, let me help you. It's the least I can do>>. She finally surrended, handing me some things to put back in the box. Not sure if  she did recognize me or not, I choose to introduce myself anyway, feeling weird not having done it before. <<I'm Harry, by the way>>. She stopped doing what she was doing in order to extend her right hand for me to shake and saying <<Nice to meet you, I'm Sara>>. I smiled back at her, before going back packing.<<So, when's the big move happening?>> I found myself asking after filling 7 boxes, while she was inspecting some magazines, deciding which ones to keep. <<This place will officially no longer be mine this Saturday. And I'm throwing a "goodbye party" on Friday..so, I guess I should be quicker if I want to be on time>>. Then she raised her gaze from the magazines to glance at me and ask <<You should come, if you'll still be here>>. I nodded, while closing another box <<Only if I can help you sort this place.>> I answered, before quickly add seing her face <<You can repay me with that Dolce della casa >> trying my best to non sound a stupid person who pretends to know what he's saying in a foreign language. That hearned a giggle from her <<Deal. But 'm gonna teach you a little bit of italian. What I just heard from you was terrible>>. I faked my shock, putting my right hand on my chest, pretending to be offended by her words. <<I'm only staying for a week, do your best>> I added, while she was still laughing at me. <<Challenge accepted>> she declared, before going back to the magazines. By the end of the morning, every single book (except one) was packed, the walls were empty, the place was starting to look as a white canvas. After a cup of tea and toasts that covered for our lunch, I helped Sara settle old newspaper pages all over the floor and plastic covers on the tables. We agreed to meet the next morning to repaint the place.

It was Three in the afternoon when I finally managed to check in the hotel I was staying. After showering, I sat down on the bed, turning on my phone. Several notifications came through, lots of them by Jeff, a couple from Gemma and mum. Without opening any of them, I dialled my mum's . <<Harry, son, is everything alright?>> she immediately picked up, worry in her voice. <<Mom, I made it. I took him back here>>. And I didn't need to add anything else. Because she knew what I was talking about. I heard a soab escaping her lips before telling me <<You made it, Harry. He would be so happy. I know he is.>>. Get lost and find myself. And here I was.