Matilda || H.S.

15.

<<I don't know what to do. I don't even know what I'm doing right now. I mean, why am I calling you? You're probably the last person I should call. But I am. And I need you to tell me what to do. You always claim to know me. So please. Enlight me, Harry>>

So, that happened. Before I could think properly of what I was about to do, I was word vomiting in a call with Harry, after months of silence and absence.

The things is, Michele asked me to marry him, and I said yes. And I was happy. I am happy. But then, with reharsal happening and the realization that I was alone, hit me. What triggered me was the question of the priest, "who's gonna walk you down the aisle?"

Since I've been back, not only in Italy but in Andrea's life, our father tried to connect with me several times, but I always ditched him.  I wasn't ready to face him. Not after everything.
So, I was calling Harry. I don't even know why. It was a impulsive decision. And I started panicking, the silence at the other end of the phone not helping one bit.

<< Sara, breathe for me, please. In and out, long breaths>> he finally broke the silence, helping me regain some sort of control.

<<Now, I 'll ignore your comments for now if you tell what's happening>> he said, once I calmed down.

And so I did. I told him everything like nothing happened between the two of us. It was relieving, refreshing, it felt right.
But when I finished and he said the most Harry thing, "I can walk you down the aisle if I have to", it all hit me again. As if the words we shouted at eachother were still new and fresh and, most of all, not forgotten.

<<This Doesn't change anything, Harry.>> I said, after a brief moment of silence, knowing it felt the same. I didn't know if I could forgive him, but I also knew he said what he said in a difficult period of his life- no, don't come up with exuses for him. The thing is, it was the only person that knew it all.

<<I know. But still, I'll be there if you need me.>> he said, his voice firm as if it holded the purest truth.

<<But I need to apologize first. Just..not through a phone>> he added, determined.

<<yeah, I guess we need to do that before I'll let you help me not fall in my outrageously high hills>> I said, trying to lighten the mood, even thought those word held the truth. I wanted him there for it. He was one of my closest friends, despite what happened.

I heards him clear his throat before saying <<You bet I will>>.

Two days later, Harry was outside the Cafe. His hair was longer, he had little bit of beard, but most of all, he looked really tired. I mean, he looked good as always, but really exhausted. I guess the breakup really affected him. I caught him looking at the outisde of the cafe, still the same even though everything changed.

<<Take a picture, it'll last longer>> I caught his attention, getting closer to him while locking my old bike. And for a moment, it seemed like we were back at three years ago, in that same spot.

<<It seems yeasterday that you said this to me for the first time>> he said, tentatevely getting closer to me.

I could read the unsureness in his body language, as if he wanted to greet me with a hug but didn't know if i'd let him. So I choose for the both of us, circling my arms around his shoulders. He didn't waste time in hugging me back.

<<well, I hate to break it to you, but it's been some time since then.>>

<<Yeah. And a lot changed.>> he said, a tinge of sadness in his voice.
He then proceeded to look back to the facade, before saying <<I don't even know where to start with the apologies. But just so you know, I am sorry>>.
The sincerity in his tone almost brought me to tears. It was like the breath I held for all these months, the tears I refused to share after what we said, were all being unbottled.
<<The things I said..I didn't mean any of it.>> he added, still not looking at me.
<<please, believe me when I say it.>> and this time his green eyes were on mine, pleading and glassy. And tired.

I was too. I hadn't planned to forgive him right away, but seeing him like that was enought for me to know that he was really apologizing.

<<I do>> I said, before diverting my gaze towards the facade.
<<I'm sorry too. For what happened. It wasn't my place to tell you how to live your relationship>> I added, looking at the ground. Throught his relationship,  I always tried to stay out of it, not judging. But I couldn't help it when it became obvious that he wasn't happy and he was taking it out on me.

<<But you were right. I guess I just wasn't ready to hear it.>>
With that, we shared a tight smile, knowing we were both on the same page again.

<<Look at us, talking and agreeing with eachother >> I said, jockingly.

<<yeah, I guess a lot has changed then>> he responded, chuckling with me.

<<I'm not ready to forgive you yet, but I promise I'll get there>> I said, after a few moment.

<<I don't want you to forgive me yet. Hell, if it was up to me, I wouldn’t forgive me, never. I still can't. If there's anything I can do, please tell me and I'll do it>>

Trying  to enlight the mood, I suggested <<Tonight. Let's  get wasted. You owe me that since I'm getting married in a few days, Styles.>>

And we did. We drank the night away, laughting and reminiscing the time spent together, especially there, at the Cafe.
<<God, you were so bad trying to speak italian>> I remembered, laughting at the memory of the very first days that he spent there.
<<Heey, I was trying to impress you, cut me some slack >> he said, pretending to be offended.
<<Well, you certainly didn't >> I kept teasing him.
<<I even wrote you a song, but you just wouldn’t take the hint>> he said, almost in a whisper, as if I wasn't supposed to hear it.

Then, what he said next was loud and clear.
<<Don’t marry him, Sara>>