The garden was lighted up by a nice sunny day and filled with comfortable silence. Sure the kids were kids and always talked about something but the grown-ups were just sitting on the old Derek's blanket and simply smiled at little Shepherds. Luna was asleep as it was her nap time and held tightly onto her favorite toy. Alex knew Mer had thousands of questions for him but for now, they just enjoyed being together after long two years.
Mer was undeniably happy to see her person but part of her was worried. Worried that he will leave, hurting her again and her kids even more. She couldn't even imagine how much impact it would have on Jo. She was also feeling like she was failing her friend by allowing Alex to stay, let alone be so close to her daughter. The fight inside of her was too much to handle so she risked ruining this idyllic afternoon and asked: „So... Why are you here? Look I am really happy to see you, but you can't expect me and everyone else just go back to how it was."
Alex took a sharp breath. He knew this was coming, he prepared a whole speech but now his brain was blank.
„I don't know. Honestly, I don't. I keep wishing I could jump back in time and do things differently."
„Well, you can't. What you did? How you left? You must of known how much it would hurt us, how much it would wound her..." Meredith jumped straight to the point.
„I realized that as soon as I boarded that plane. My kids are the most amazing thing in my life but I should never leave how I left. It was the biggest mistake of my life. But I was too big of a coward to admit it, to come back begging on my knees and somehow convince her to take me back. I tried to make it work with Izzie, I tried to move on but..." He didn't need to answer, Mer knew what he meant.
„You can't move on from your true love. I tried after Derek but that's just not possible." Alex just nodded at her response. He looked down again at the sleeping child, something kept getting his attention.
„So what is your plan now?" Mer interrupted his thoughts.
„Well, I made a deal with Iz. I'll stay here for the week to see if there is a slight chance that Jo" his voice trembled a little. He stopped saying her name out loud and it surprised him how much love was still in his voice when he said those two letters. He took a breath and continued rather pretending it didn't happen: „I'll just try to see if she could ever, I don't know. Tolerate me? Or maybe if I am lucky enough, be friends again? I can't ask for more, but I will try for this."
Meredith smiled at her friend. She was glad that Alex was still the same person. She was about to say something along the lines when she heard steps followed by the one voice she hoped they wouldn't hear right now.
„I know I said Luna can be here all afternoon but I kinda panic and like look at her she's just a tiny baby she really shouldn't stay away from her mama for that long..." Jo stopped dead in her tracks after opening the garden door.
„What's happening?" Jo asked the adults, frozen in space completely ignoring her nieces and nephew happily squealing about Alex's magical return. She felt so many emotions it almost hurt her. Anger, fury however you wanna call it. Sadness. Fear. But somehow, some little hidden part of her heart was feeling love.
Alex stared at her unable to move his gaze away. He could still read her face like an open book and that shocked him. Because he was ready to see how angry she is. He was ready to see the coldness in her eyes and he was prepared to say sorry and just pack his bags and leave for good, never returning. Because he would know. Because he would be sure there's zero chance. She hates him. But when he looked at those golden eyes he could still see the glimpse of love she used to have for him. Like when he told her he loved her or when she showed him their loft for the first time. He could still see it, hidden and with the mix of every other emotion. But the love was there.
