Thoughts of a brazilian boy

1. Why?

I should be sleeping.

That's the first thought that came to my mind.

I really should be sleeping.

But I think I have something to share, as someone would ever relate to the things I say — as someone would listen.

Well, I'm not more than a lonely child. I've been lonely and I've been a child for 14 years. And I've been lonelier and a teenager for not more than 7 months.

How I am supposed to handle all that?

I mean, there are so many things wrong with me and I don't even know how to start. Maybe I don't have to.

As a lonely child that I am, sometimes, even when you have some friends here and there, you can count on no one. No one to listen or to console you. And that's the moment you feel the most lonely in your life. And it is always lonelier; as it could reach your soul and tear it apart while you're screaming hoping somebody would hear but there isn't somebody to hear.

There simply isn't anyone who even tries to hear.

That's the moment.

The moment you know you've become lonelier than ever. And there is no coming back. It only gets worse and lonelier every time.

But words can help sometimes. They're helping me now. Although no one is reading what I'm writing.

If you ever feel like that, I got your back. So I guess we aren't that lonely.

Oh boy, it is asking too much from life. Life could never give me something like that, could it?

I accept my destiny to be the lonely person whom people talk about with sadness, the person people says "Only if he got to feel love and loved".

I think that's why I relate to Loki so much. Born to be failures to other people's dream, born to be defeated so other people could win me and be the hero for their stories.

Yes, that sounds like me.

I think I will sleep now. Yes, I will sleep now.

Good night. Or not. Mine isn't. Just hope you don't throw yourself from the bridge. Or throw. I'm just a Brazilian boy who's miles away, it isn't me the person who would find your dead body.