The Long Fall

seven

I loved him. I really did. But he kept hurting me whenever I tried to let him know. A simple glance of disapproval or even a laugh while he backed away. When he left, though I still depended on him a lot, I grew to understand that he'd most likely never see me the way I saw him.

The pain I was in physically did not help me keep my composure, and I knew I lost it the moment I raised my voice. The way he looked so lost the moment I showed true frustration to him wasn't something I'd forget easily.

"I love you."

It was spoken and I couldn't take it back. He looked at me in surprise, as if he never thought that I could ever see him in that light. Watching him as he took a step back, I couldn't help but get even more disappointed.

"This is why I could never tell you. I knew you'd run." I said, huffing as I tried to act tough instead of crying. He didn't deserve to see that anymore. "I now know you don't feel the same. I won't ask you for anything."

"Why, why haven't you told me?" He asked, making me look at him. A sad, lost puppy stood before me, eyes pleading for an explanation.

"Because I know how you see me. I'm just your little sister, that annoying kid from down the hall, the sticker on your side that you couldn't get rid of no matter how much you tried." I spat, glaring a bit at him.

"Huansheng, please -"

"No. You don't get to say anything to me anymore. I'm done trying to get you to see me as more than anything but a child you helped raise." I cut him off, knowing that if he said one more word I'd listen to him again. I needed to be stronger than that. "If I decide to come home, I'll move out and live my own life. You won't have to worry about me bothering you any longer."

"I, I'm sorry." Really? That's all you have to say? You're not going to tell me to stay by your side?

He left quickly afterward, not wanting it to be any more tense or awkward than it already was. I started crying, accepting the fact that I was nothing to him more than a sister. Kai came in later, helping me dry my eyes and comfort me in one of my darkest moments.

A couple of weeks passed by, and I was released from the hospital. Meeting Kai at a cafe, he picked me up and drove me to the dorm he was staying at with the rest of the boys. I was moved in and placed in the spare room they had, where Lay would stay when he was in town for promotions he could attend.

I also flew out to Osaka, to pay my respects to Fuji and her parents after I received the call that she had died. The wounds were excessively harsh, but it was her depression from it that got her in the end. It hurt a lot, but I knew she got peace, which was something I hadn't received yet.

Tao hadn't texted me since that day, nor had I sent any message to him. I had nothing to say now that my heart was laid bare and he ran away. Despite that fact, I continually texted Aunty and Uncle to tell them what was going on and how I was doing.

"Saengie." I looked up from my phone and saw Kai in my doorway, two bowls of ice cream in his hands. "Want some?"

"Of course," I answered, excitedly sitting up while he came in.

He closed the door for privacy, not liking when the other guys teased him for hanging out with me. I joined him on the floor and got my mini table out, waiting for my bowl with a smile.

"You look so much happier now." He stated, earning a smile from me. "How's your contract coming along?"

"It's still giving me trouble. I would like to get a different kind of contract, but they're being a bit uncompromising." I answered, scooping up the delicious chocolate cream and bringing it to my lips. "I'm not sure if I want to go home yet or not, so that's another trouble."

"Why can't you stay here with me? I think we're doing great together like this." I chuckled at his question. "Why are you laughing? I'm serious!"

"Ge, I can't live with eight boys. It's a bit of a struggle to get privacy." I explained, making him pout a little bit. "If I stay, I'll get my own place. You can come to visit whenever you want to get away from the guys. Okay?"

"You promised! Don't go back on your word later." He replied with a laugh.

After we finished eating, he stayed in my room a little longer, and the two of us just talked about our lives. I told him about how Aunty and Uncle raised me, and he told me about his older sisters. It was nice to learn a little bit more about one another, even if we're close already.

"Alright, I should let you sleep. It's been a long day of training for the both of us." He suddenly said, getting up and grabbing the bowls. "Saengie, I'm really happy that you've decided to stay a little longer. Even if you end up leaving, I'm happy that I got this time with you."

"I'm happy too. You're my closest friend." I replied, making him smile a bit.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked, putting the bowls back down and helping me up so that I could meet his eyes a little easier. "Can, can I kiss you?"

"Why? Are you going to date me?" I replied, making him blush a bit as I chuckled.

"I'd, I'd like to date you. I'm just worried that you don't have room for me in your heart." He explained, earning a sigh as I understood what he meant.

"I've decided to forget him. Does it take time? Yes." I replied, grabbing hold of his hand with a smile. "But if you're willing to deal with that, then I'll happily date you."

And then it happened. My first kiss was with none other than Kim Jongin.