This Feeling: Forgiveness

Chapter Three

Samuel was the first to wake, and he woke to the sound of something frying on the pan. The smell of pancakes and bacon reached his nose and his stomach growled in response. He went to rise from the bed, but Trevor pulled him closer, restraining him and keepng him away from the food. 

Samuel chuckled. "Trevor, I need to get up," he said, his voice hoarse with sleep.

Trevor squeezed for a few seconds before he eased his grip on his boyfriend and opened his eyes. "Good morning, sweetheart," he said, his voice also hoarse with sleep. He gave an audible sniff to the air. "What’s that I smell?" he asked.

Samuel smiled while he kissed Trevor’s forehead. "Probably pancakes and bacon, but I could be wrong," he said.

Trevor rose from the bed and rubbed his eyes while Samuel left the room, still in his night clothes, to go check on breakfast. 

While Samuel made his way down the hall, he heard his mother laughing. His nerves poked and prodded at him while he overheard his mother speak. "Yeah, Samuel doesn’t think too highly of you at the moment, but after a long talk with him, he’s agreed to meet you on Saturday."

Samuel froze where he stood on the other side of the wall. She’s talking to him, he thought. He leaned against the wall and held his head in his hands while he tried to keep calm. You’ve already agreed to give him a chance. What are you freaking out about? He heard his bedroom door open, and looked to find Trevor giving him a worried look. He shook his head and Trevor went to Sam's side to put a gentle hand on his arm. "What is it, Sam?" Trevor asked.

Sam tucked his face into Trevor’s chest. "She’s talking to him," he said, his voice muffled by Trevor's shirt. Trevor began to pet Samuel’s head. "Samuel," was all he got out.

"I know!" he hissed, "I gave him a chance, but I can’t help but get scared and nervous about talking to him."

"What exactly scares you about it?" Trevor asked. 

"I don’t know! And I don’t know how to handle it!"

"Easy, Sam. What do you think would scare you when you meet him?" Trevor said, trying to get Samuel to calm down. Trevor’s father peeked around the corner, saw that Trevor was busy, and returned to the kitchen when Samuel looked to the floor, then back at Trevor. "Us," he said simply. Trevor pulled him close and kissed his forehead. "Don’t worry, sweetheart. It’ll be okay. I’m sure he’ll accept you for who you love."

"What if he doesn’t?" 

"Samuel. He wants to see you again after all these years, you think he’s going to deny who you are now?" Trevor asked. Samuel shook his head. "I don’t know, Trevor. I just can’t help but feel that he could…"

Trevor sighed. "I know, baby. I know," he said, pulling Samuel closer once more.

Samuel’s mother spoke again, "I do too. Samuel has been a little…resentful, to say the least, towards what happened all those years ago. But I’m sure he’ll warm up to you." There was a pause before she spoke again. "No. That stuff is for Samuel to tell you. If I were to tell you what he’s been up to, he’d have a fit. He's been like that since middle school." 

Samuel sighed and went into the kitchen. "Morning, mom," he said, heading for the stove to smell the pancakes. "Breakfast smells good."

Samuel’s mom hugged him and continued to talk to Samuel’s dad. "Yes, that was Samuel," she said. She laughed while Samuel flipped the pancake on the pan. Stop laughing! his thoughts cried. He hurt you, so why are you laughing? What is he saying to make you laugh? He felt someone wrap their arms around his waist and froze.

"Take it easy, Sam. You haven’t seen him yet. Calm down," Trevor said.

Samuel sighed. "I’m just getting anxious right now, Trevor. This is what every child worries about when seeing a parent that they haven’t seen in years."

Trevor squeezed a little. "Makes sense," he replied.

Samuel nodded, but kept quiet while he placed the finished pancake on the plate on the counter off to the side.

"Alright. I’ll see you on Saturday. All right, buh-bye," Samuel’s mother said from behind them. Samuel sighed again. Thank god, the conversation is over, he thought. "Samuel, I know you’re anxious about seeing him again, but he just wanted to know how I was doing after all these years," his mother said. Damnit! She sensed my annoyance! he thought again.

"I know. My anxiety is just acting up because I’m worried about what he thinks of Trevor and I being together," Sam confessed.

"I kind of figured. There’s only one way to find out to see if he approves. Tell him when you meet him."

"What if he doesn’t?"

"Well, then it’s going to be one awkward dinner."

Samuel chuckled, and his mom smiled for a moment before biting her lip. "I-uh... I gave your father your number." she said.

Samuel whirled on her, careful not to throw the pancakes at her by accident. "You gave him my phone number?!" he hissed.

Samuel’s mother backed away while Trevor held him back, just in case a fight was going to start. "Sam, he just wanted to stay in touch with you, so I gave him your number, so he could," Sam’s mother explained. 

"I don’t want him to contact me before Saturday! You know how I was feeling about this! I'm not ready to talk to him yet!" Samuel cried.

Rebelling against the wishes of its master, Samuel’s phone rang loudly in his room. Samuel went into his room and reached for his phone, just to find an unknown number. Samuel's mother had followed him and leaned over his shoulder so she could see it. "That’s your father," she said, answering Samuel's thoughts. 

Samuel looked to Trevor, his eyes desperate for advice. "Answer it," Trevor told him. "He’s come all this way to see you, so let him hear your voice at least before you do."

Samuel looked at the phone and gulped, swallowing his pride and trying to settle his nerves before he tapped the answer button and put the phone up to his ear. "Hello?"