The Light of Roria

Chapter Twenty

The room I chose was warm with a working fireplace and a large bed. The comforter was all-white with light-gray pillow cases covering all four perfectly fluffed pillows. Above the bed was a large fan, each blade in the shape of wooden leaves. There was a painting above a dark wooden dresser of a large wave moments away from crashing into the beach. I lay on the bed and stared at the fan, with one leg dangling off the edge of the bed.

My body felt unnaturally heavy and weak, the weight of everything pulling me down, but it wasn't a load I was willing to release. I knew what I had to do was absolutely the right choice. A difficult one, sure, and likely one that would lead to further peril, but when was facing life's challenges with endurance ever easy?

I had been lying there unable to sleep for quite some time before someone gently knocked on my closed door.

"Yeah?" I called out, without lifting my head from the pillow.

"Can I come in?" Staci requested from the other side.

"Go ahead," I replied.

"The nap didn't go over so well," she huffed, annoyed, before making her way to my bed and lying down beside me.

I didn't say anything, my vision still fixed on the fan above us. From my peripheral, I could see Staci resting her head against her hand and facing me. She stared at me for a moment before I finally looked toward her.

"You OK?" she asked.

"I guess," I replied honestly. The question was one most people asked their loved ones. I'd heard it a lot. It just seemed quite a bit more difficult to answer than it ever had before. Was I really OK? Not entirely, but I wasn't going to give up, and in my mind forfeiting was the moment one would have to say no, not when dealing with heartache.

"You don't have to be," she said, sitting up, her eyes trying hard to remind me she was there to listen.

"I feel like I've cried enough tears to you and Elijah to last me a lifetime." I felt myself begin to weld up the moment I'd spoken.

"I get that," she started. "I hate crying in front of people. I just don't want you holding back, either. I mean, you've always been so honest with me about how you feel. I don't want all of this to change that."

Finally sitting up, I pulled my legs to my chest. "Me? Not expressing my emotions? Does that even sound right?" I smirked, playfully. "I've cried like fifteen times today already."

She laughed. "True. It's just we haven't spoken much about all this. I mean, I realize we haven't had much time, but I'd hate for you to feel alone in all of this."

"Trust me, I don't. You and Elijah have been here for me in big, big ways."

Looking suddenly relieved that I'd felt that way, she waved off the subject. "Enough with the heavy stuff then. Let's talk through your current love triangle."

Startled, I could feel myself blushing. "My what?"

Staci rolled her eyes. "Oh, please, don't even! We both know that Jake and Elijah are crazy about you. The question is, which one are you crazy about?"

I was quiet, my mouth falling open while I twirled a strand of hair in my finger. "I—I don't know."

For so long, the only person I had been even remotely interested in was Jake Allen. He was super funny and amazingly genuine. Then Elijah had come abruptly into my life and stirred up my feelings, which had been so directly focused on one individual that I'd never given thought to ever liking another person. Words could not fully describe to the extent of how connected I'd felt to him. Elijah was kind, brave beyond measure, and one of the most determined souls I'd ever known.