Can I Be Your Mrs?

17: After The Storm

She couldn't count the hours she had spent crying in her room, she had cried to the point that her bloodshot eyes ached whenever she let a tear slipped down from them. It hurt her heart until she felt all those heart squeezes were no more. Jalilah had never thought it will turn out to this. Yes, she knew that this wasn't just a normal lie she was used to telling. This was huge, and if she had made the mistake of telling this to Uncle Yusuf, she knew Mama will only get the news of her admitted in the hospital because she knew he would make sure he had broken all the bones in her body. She had also never thought that it was a huge lie, so perfectly blown to the point that Mama wouldn't want to see or listen to her. Whatever happened, Mama had never done this to her, she knew she was wrong, and to top it all, she was even lying about being married to him.

For all the hours she had spent crying in her room, Jalilah didn't make the mistake of pondering over his words. She knew she had gotten the chance to see the kind of man he could turn into when they had their first fight, but those words he had uttered, she wasn't emotionally strong to think about them. She knew a time will come when they will be naturally getting back to her heart, but now? All she was focused on was how to make Mama forgive her. It won't be easy, but she knew she would forgive her someday.

She heard the soft sound of someone walking to her room, it was past midnight, she had an inkling feeling that it was Mama. She hadn't locked her room yet, it was surprising to hear that as much as she had missed this room, she was no more excited about sleeping in it again. The doorknob turned, which made her seized her breath, waiting for the worse. Whoever the intruder was, walked further into the room while stealthily closing the door behind. She felt as her side dipped and soft loving hands touched her back.

"Addah Jalilah," Fareeda called, ever so loving that Jalilah didn't know when she broke into even more tears. She had messed up, real bad.

She turned with tears running down her cheeks and nodded her head at Fareeda. "What are you doing here, Fareeda? You haven't slept yet?" She tried to ask, while all her strength had ended on trying to lift herself. She successfully did, resting her head on the bedhead, that was when she noticed the tray of food Fareeda was holding.

"Yes, I was waiting for Mama to sleep so I can bring something for you to eat. You've been crying in your room for hours now, you shouldn't cry, okay? Everything will fall back into place." There were times that if Fareeda spoke, Jalilah found it so hard to believe she was merely a teenager, just about to write her secondary school final examination.

"I don't think I can eat anything, Fareeda. You have no idea how I'm feeling. My heart is messed up, I'm hurt beyond words could say or repair, but I'm more hurt for hurting Mama, I want her to forgive me first." She wished she could take back her words, erase whatever she had said from Mama's brain even if that meant she would let go of ballet for the rest of her life.

"Go into the bathroom and wash your face first, please you should stop crying, Addah Jalilah." Even though it came from someone as young as Fareeda was, Jalilah had no choice but to do what she had asked of her. She pulled herself up from the bed and felt dizzy, taking herself to the toilet was one of the greatest mysteries she was yet to uncover.

After she came back, she met the bed already cleared up and Fareeda had already disposed of her used tissues. She smiled and motioned for her to sit on the bed, which she did. And she sat down beside her, "Should I feed you or you can do that yourself?" Fareeda asked.

Jalilah shook her head with a soft and loving smile. She collected the plate from her hand and placed it on her lap, asking herself whether or not if she could eat this food, but she had to try so she could show her appreciation to her baby cousin. "No, I'm your Addah, I shouldn't let you feed me." A smile was the fakest thing she could muster up at the moment, but she still tried.