Bed of Roses

Fuck You in Flower

Surprisingly enough, Dahlia and Elderflower did not arrest me. Apparently knocking a guy with a gun out in front of people actually pays off, seeing as they all confirmed that it was an act of self defense.
       Thanks random people who now know I have the ability to kill a man! I still find it odd that there so many people out and about at this hour, but I couldn't care less. They did just get me out of prison after all. Even so, I need to hurry home, get my three hours of sleep, and then go to work at the flower shop that I just so happen to own.
Technically, since I own the shop, I can just show up and open the shop at whatever time I want to, but I have money to earn. Surprisingly, a lot of people seem to be on the verge of divorce at six to eight in the morning, or during the lunch hour, or six to eight in the evening.
It's kind of like coffee, you know? Coffee is most effective between nine-thirty to eleven-thirty in the morning, and one-thirty to five in the evenings. Except this time there's three different times where the shop is most effective and it spreads across almost all of the day... and the coffee is replaced with flowers.
That's besides the point though. Point is I need to hurry home and sleep. I might stop at the local dollar store and buy a Monster so I that way I can function properly in the day.

"Oh Tommy," Tubbo cooes. He sounds like a mom calling to her kids, in an attempt to get them out of bed and ready for school. Which isn't too far off from what he was doing at the moment. Instead of a plate of bacon or a backpack in his hand though, he has a nerf gun with bullets made of ice.
In his defense, Tommy said to wake him up and "do whatever it takes" to do so. Ranboo was also asleep, because Tubbo is a chaotic little shit who is also a master of stealth for the pure purpose of pulling pranks on his friends.
He cocks his nerf gun, and maniacally laughs. He then fires away, grin growing wider with every time he hears Tommy yelp of pain. He's totally a perfectly normal person.

After that rude awakening- quite literally- from Tubbo (sadistic fuck) I got ready faster than I ever have in my life. So far, today has sucked. Normally I have at least five customers by this point in time. Hopefully I'll have at least one customer here in the next half hour.

Two odd men walk into the store, and begin talking to each other in a hushed whisper. They soon walk up to the counter, one with at least twenty dollars in his hand. This man slams his money on the counter angrily, which woke Tommy from his rather peaceful nap.

"How may I help you two gentlemen today," I recite the ever iconic retail worker line. This strange man just slammed a crispity crunchy twenty on my counter. Most people do that when they want an extravagant bouquet to give to their partner, but this dude?
He slammed the money down and went "How do I say 'fuck you' in flower," which is not what I expected. I glanced at the mans friend, some guy with long pink hair. He just nodded his head at me, which I assumed meant that he and the strange man were serious about their order.
"Right, do you want that shipped to a specific person or place, or would you like that to be a dine in order," I really hope that they don't think I'm insulting them. They're already angry, and I don't want to make them any angrier than they already are.
One of them snickered at the answer, and the other actually answered my question. "Yeah can we get a card that says 'bitch' in cursive writing on that, and ship it to twelve twenty-three Magnus lane, L'manburg," if there's anything I've learned while working here, if a person asks for something to be shipped to L'manburg then they're probably rich.
"Alrighty, is that an individual house or an office building," I ask the guy while I fill in the address on the form I use to help me do delivery orders. "Fourth floor, room twenty," the one with pink hair finally speaks up. "Alright that's... twenty-five dollars," I barely glance at the register as I finish filling out the form for them.
"Before you two leave, I need a name for the order," I put their cash into the register, and by god I was right, they are rich. They swapped that twenty for a fifty. I am a good person who totally does t do illegal things, so I gave them their other twenty-five dollars back.
"Wilbur is fine, Tech do you want your name their too," I assume his friend said no, considering I was never told anything about adding a second name to that. "Got it. Have a nice day," I call out to them as they leave. It's a courtesy really, could honestly care less about them in all honesty.

"He's such a nice boy, looks to young to be working though," Wilbur commented. "Wil he looked like a sixteen year old, and people here don't have as much as we do. Of course he's gonna look younger than he is," Techno reminds him. "I know, I'm still worried for him though," the latter responds.
At some point during their conversation someone grabbed them. Wilbur was busy talking so he didn't notice. Techno did, and he grabbed this persons wrist, lowered his center of gravity and flicked his wrist as hard as he could, which flung the guy over so he landed on his back, facing towards Techno.
Wilbur whistled, "wow you really did a number on him there, Tech," he nudged the others arm. "It's basic self defense, it was most often used by women in the 1939's if I remember correctly," he shrugs.
"Bestie, what the fuck," Wilbur say's staring his brother dead in the eyes. "New hyperfixation, don't ask," was the only explanation he received. Not sure what he expected, this is Technoblade after all.

"Geraniums go there and...," then I hear the bell ding. Really? Right when I'm working on an order? Oh well, a customer is a customer I suppose. "Hello how may I help- oh. Go away you rat bastard," I know that may seem rude, but my so-called customer was the sadistic fuck that is Tubbo. I have rights to y'know.
"Bitchboy. Anyway what flowers are good for bees? I've been thinking about buying a planter or something outsider our apartment," the audacity of this man. "Uh hold on just a minute Tubs, I'm working on another persons order right now. I'll get back to you in a second," more like a couple minutes because then the phone goes off.
"Hello, Tom Simons of Flower Tower Cornerstop Flower Store. How may I help you," why are the most basic lines on earth so long. Retail workers have it easy when it comes to this stuff. "Oh, a pride flag theme for your order? Of course, which flag? Ah a fellow trans person. Alright can I get an address? Would you like your preferred name or deadname on the order? Alrighty then, thank you for the order, Atlas," trans kid solidarity right here folks.

"To answer your question Tubbo, lavender, foxglove, and phlox are good for bees, I assume you know where they are," Tommy quirks his eyebrow and gives Tubbo a look. Tubbo nods enthusiastically and goes off to find the flowers as instructed. Tommy went to work on the other two orders he had.

Oh, but what about Ranboo? You've heard of him, but everyone's favourite has yet to see any screen time. That's cause I'm the main character here, fuckers. Only person who deserves screen time is me, Big Man Tommyinnit. He's probably suffering at his job all by himself. It's his fault, he chose to work in a daycare. He's on his own there.
In all honesty though, I'm sure he's fine. He's good at what he does, and he's really careful when it comes to handling those kids. He's be an okay-ish parent if he ever had any. They'd all be adopted tho, cause Ranboo's gay. He still can't pull any bitches though.

Kill me. Life is nothing but suffering and pain and existence is not worth the emotional and mental exhaustion that it requires to do so. If I hear one more old person call me a "flamer" while I'm at work I'm gonna commit various crimes in front of these kids.
Maybe they're mad that I look better than them? Yeah that's it. "Alright kids, who wants a snack? It's homemade cookies from a friend of mine," and just like that all thirty kids are going insane over cookies.
There's a kid in the back, Anita, and she's beckoning me over. I nod at her to let her know I'll be there in a second. "Dig in kiddos! Yes, Anita, what can I help you with," I try not to let the exasperation in my voice show.
"My older brother says you're cute," and with that she bites into her cookie like it's nothing. I've seen her older brother, and he's pretty cute too. As one would imagine I am very much blushing under my mask. Too bad her brother goes to a college two districts over. Wonder what Tommy and Tubbo would do if they saw what kind of a blushing mess I was now.
Neverland they'd just make fun of me and call me a gay disaster. Would they be wrong? No. Am I gonna give them the privilege and satisfaction of being right? Also no, that's the only right I have in this world and it's mine forever.
I would text Tommy to ask how he's doing at the moment, but I can guarantee he's busy at this time of day. Tubbo picks and chooses when he's busy, the perks of not being gay and having the ability to do math I guess.