It was never an issue until I hit 13, I, now 14, as of yesterday (8/9) have gotten worse, for some reason.
I feel as if I have to be perfect, the one man you see one day that you can't stop thinking about how smooth his face was and how silky and bouncy his hair looked. I wanted to be that person, I wanted to impress the people around me, so I could finally boost my confidence, I knew it would be hard, I knew it would take many years to accomplish, but that didn't stop me from practically speedrunning the whole process.
This is about my hair, which today I learned was not the way I thought it was. After seeing a picture of me (taken by someone else), I noticed that my hair was on the right (my hair is longer on one side and the other side is a sort of buzz but not really) when I always saw it on the left. When I got my haircut I didn't think about the way people would see it the way I did myself. Upon learning and confirming that information, I basically went ape without as much anger, more sadness.
I thought so bad of myself, I felt that feeling of hatred after flipping your canvas after forgetting to do it the entire time you were drawing digitally, that enormous pang of disappointment and distress. My distraught caused me to break down and cry, it was all I could do. I felt so imperfect and it hit more than it would if I had an acne breakout on my face (which makes me go nuts as well). I felt as if I didn't look good enough to step foot outside my house, my room even.
I know I'm overreacting and all but I thought I was perfect for so long, I got this haircut thinking I would look good enough for people in public.
I was only hit with nearly endless misfortune. I just wanted to look like i wasn't homeless or something.
I just wanna be perfect.
I just wanna be good enough.
But I'm nearing giving up.
