She and I

13/06/22 - Part 1

I'm at a youth camp for the week. A camp that allows everyone from the entire country to experience a one-time life experience, and to get closer with the Lord. I've had a great time so far. The people in my company are amazing. The girls, we have late night talks, where we get closer with each other. The boys, they're super funny, and they include us in their every discussion. Our counselors are amazing people, who love us very much. The food is exceptionally delicious, the best quality food I've had in my life. But I do miss my dad's homemade cooking. The activities assist us in our personal lives, and help us gain a stronger testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and to strengthen our relationship with the father and Christ.

It's the third day of the Youth camp. We're in our company room, in a circle playing games. We laugh, talk, and we enjoy every moment. When I'm called from one of my counselors. She looks after me, and my group. I look at her confused on why she wants to speak to me alone. I'm afraid that I've done something wrong, because there are set rules for us youth to follow at the camp. If you break one of those rules, you'll be sent home. I did not want to be the first.

I walked out of our company room. "What did I do?" I say to myself shaking in my shoes.

"Toetu, come here," she calls me into an empty room.

I follow her behind. She turns around, facing me. I'm panicking now.

"TOETU THINK OF WHAT YOU DID WRONG, AND APOLOGIZE!" I scream at myself.

I expected some bad news, that I will be sent home, but she brought out a piece of paper folded in quarters. I look at it. I raise an eyebrow, completely puzzled.

"What's this?" I ask her. "Open it," she insists.

I open the badly folded paper. I look at it, tryna make sense of it. The handwriting is absolutely poor, but I don't mind. I turn it around, and I see the words in big bold letters.

"WILL YOU GO OUT TO THE BALL WITH ME"

With two tick boxes, one with the word no on top of it, and the other yes. A little note on the side saying ...

"If you don't want to, please get rid of this immediately"

I remember the ball that everyone was talking about, that will happen on Friday night.

I laugh at that. But I try to process the letter in my head. I look up at my counselor. "Come here, we'll talk," she says. I follow her to some empty seats. We sit, and she looks at me.

"Who's this from?" I ask. She tells me the name of the guy, and I look at her stunned. "A guy wants to ask me out to the ball?" I ask myself. "That is so cute," she says, with that childish voice.

"It is, isn't it?" I say to myself. "What are you going to say?" she asked me.

I think about it. One side of my brain tells me to tick yes, because I don't want him to feel stupid for asking a girl out to ball, the other is saying to say no because I'm gay. 😭😭 But this was a one in a million chance of getting asked out to the ball from a guy. Especially a girl like me💀🤣

"Hmm, I don't want to say no, 'cause that's pretty sad," I say to her. "It's up to you," she responds. 

 I tick the yes box unhesitatingly. 

"Why am I looking forward to the dance with this guy?" I ask myself. 
"Am I trying to get over her?" I ask myself. 

I shake my head, trying not to think about her. "This was the reason why I came to this camp, to change who I am," I say to myself feeling a bit saddened by my decision. But I know it's for the best. "To be the person, my parents want me to be. The person that, hopefully God wants me to be," I say to myself. 

"I ticked yes," I say to my counselor, handing her the paper. 

She grabs it, and we head back inside our company room. I try to look for him in the room, and I spot his bright maroon jumper. 

I remember now. 

He's a very quite, and shy guy. Very self-reserved. He always has his hoodie on, and his mask on. I chuckle at the thought. 

I quickly sit down, and we get back to our game. 

I hope Summer gave him the letter.

The first guy that's ever asked me out. Another accomplishment😍👌 I'm loving the new me.