darkness through the mirror

Something shiny is staring at you making this bright ball of light. As you move closer the light gets brighter. Walking closer towards this light starts to form a mirror. A mirror you have stared into before. Your mirror in your room. Today, looking into the mirror is different. Today the mirror is tattered, broken pieces around it on the floor. You look into the mirror. The reflection of you staring back. A reflection of you. You have seen it many times before. Staring at the mirror looking at it closely as to why this time it looks different. The same one you have looked in a hundred times before. Looking around your room nothing is misplaced. Looking around, seeing your room the same way you have had it for a while. Since the night before nothing had changed except the mirror over your desk. The mirror is big and round enough that you can see your face. And high enough on the wall that you don't have to bend down or stand on your tippy toes. A big beautiful mirror that has stained glass around the edges. All different colors and sizes.  Today though everything in the room seems off. You take a look back and the face is of you as a child. A face you have longed not wanting to see because of the damage that had been done to you but why? Why is looking at your child self so hard to look at? You didn't cause the damage. You didn't choose for those things to happen to you yet they did. Yet staring at your face as a child through this mirror is difficult. Staring through this mirror you can remember a time before the monsters came for you. A time that you were happy. A photograph you have seen time and time again etched into your brain. But this version of your childhood self. This version of you screaming for help, screaming from the pain that these monsters have inflicted on you. You start to see the memories through this mirror. The mirror you have starred in so many times before. The pain starts flooding. Memories flooding everything you tried to suppress for so long. You try to move, but you can't. You look down and your feet are stuck to the floor but why? You don't want to look. But you can't help but to look since you can't move. It's like a voice calling your name.  The memories that flow from trusted members of the family. Starring you can see the pain. Seeing yourself crying from the hurt. Seeing yourself going through these moments, not understanding what is going on or why? A deep seeded root from the pain floods your body. Coming over you like a tidal wave. You know something is wrong and you don't know what it is. Thinking that this must be normal. Thinking that this is what happens to everyone. Until you are old enough to understand that no it's not. Suddenly you feel sick. That time period like it is happening to you now. The overwhelming feeling is too much to bare. So you look away. All of a sudden the nausea goes away. Your eyes closed hoping that when you look back at it, your face is what you see. The face that is currently you. This time you see yourself in a different light. You see the things that you had tried to do to ward off the pain. To ward off the monster that visited you, when you were alone with him. The monster that touched you inappropriately. Getting every chance he could to take more of your  innocence from you. You take your belts and put them across your stomach tightly so you won't gain weight. Seeing the marks from the belts from the night before. A sense of relief comes over you, you see the marks but hoping this would be it. Hoping this time would work. The current you feels horrible. You look back and see yourself taking the diet pills so the weight would come off and  hoping the monster would go away. But to no avail did that work. Seeing the next image that looked more like a boy. This time you're thinking it was your son. Until you look closer and see your grandfather in the background. This time sorrow comes flooding over your body and tears start to roll down your face.  Understanding you had gone through a lot to get to where you are today. Slowly more images came flooding in from that time period. The mirror looks worse and worse and you stop looking. Looking back to this beautiful mirror you had bought in the store. Each time you hoped it would be there and each time it looked more black and more broken. Cracking more, more pieces falling to the floor. Finally taking the last look and the mirror is black. This time coming from the mirror is screaming. Screaming you had never heard before. A scream coming from a broken heart. A scream filled with pain. A scream that is filled with fear. A scream you have heard from the movies. Screaming you hear, that is yours but why is the mirror all of a sudden black?Why is it screaming?  Why is it a screeching kind of a scream? Closing your eyes tightly from the pain. Closing them from the fear. Closing them in hopes your mirror will go back to normal. Finally the mirror does. Finally a sense of relief.