Recovery - (Jikook)

"I don't have to stop."

"Breakfast Jiminie!"

Jimin snuggles into the sheets further, not wanting to move even the slightest. His whole body ached, and his stomach was paying him back for letting even the flavor of food enter his mouth. His mind was most confused on how he ended up in his bed, figuring that one of his Hyungs had passed by and decided to put him back up. He didn't really care though, knowing the shivering was good for him as it burned calories.

"Jiminie come on, breakfast." He turns his head over from his blankets looking at Jungkook who's standing in the now doorless doorway, "did you guys take my door?" His voice is broken in the middle, desperately needing a drink of water. Jungkook comes over to him in the bed, sitting on the very edge. "How did you do it?" He's looking over at him, curiosity swimming in his eyes as he rakes over Jimin's body. Jimin ignores that his question is thrown out the window, and sits up in his bed. The layers of clothing didn't even prepare him for the cold of the room, body desperately wanting him to wrap up in the blanket. "What do you mean?" Jungkook sighs, looking back down at his own hands "how did you do it without us knowing?"

Jimin realizes that no matter what his secrets out, and exposing a little more couldn't do him much harm. No matter how badly his body screamed at him not to, he would, because there was no point in hiding anymore. "When the diets for each of the members came out I noticed mine was a little stricter. It's like they wanted to focus the most on me and the weight I could lose. Since this was during the BST area I decided they were right because it deserved slim features as it was a more sensual song. So I took it farther, and since you all were focused on your own things it wasn't hard. 'Jimin want something before practice?' No I have my protein bars in my room. 'Jimin ah dinners ready when you are.' I actually feel kind of sick tonight Hyung, but thank you. 'Jiminie your so thin.' that couldn't be possible I almost ate the whole fridge last night. There was always the perfect excuse, the perfect thing to stop me from having to eat. It was never questioned because why take time to analyze what I say if your struggling enough?"

"I noticed."

"You noticed what?"

"I noticed your blue fingernails and thinning hair. Your layers of tshirts under a jacket, and your loose pants."

Jimins eyes narrow onto the maknae, his curiosity gone. "Why didn't you stop it, lend me a hand?" Jungkook looks up at him, a sadness tainting him "because I knew you wouldn't stop." They both sit in silence as Jungkooks words sink in, Jimin's brain having a hard time processing that Jungkook knew. How could he have known and not said anything? Did he only find out until he was too far gone? Or did Jungkook understand why he did it? If he'd had someone in the beginning he wouldn't of been able to go through with it, he would have been too guilty to continue.

He gets up wordless, leaving Jungkook to sit on his bed as he goes out his doorway and to the kitchen. He doesn't want to talk to him right now, he doesn't even want to think about the fat he'd have now if Jungkook would have said something. He should be grateful that Jungkook didn't say anything. "Jimin! Breakfast is really light, and I thought since everyone would be eating it would help maybe?" Jimin gives a little nod, taking a seat closest to him. Of course it has to be next to the skinniest member of their group Yoongi, who he envied. His bone structure was perfect, so small and petite, Jimin wanted that.

Jin comes over to the table setting the food infront of Jimin and his own spot, the others already grabbing how much they want. The plate isn't too scary but the calories still add up fast, there's a piece of toast, yogurt, and a mix of bananas and strawberries. He can tell Jin avoided scary foods, but the toast is maybe just too much. Wheat was always high no matter what, and this was no exceptions. 315 calories in total for if he ate everything, he couldn't. No he wouldn't eat that whole plate, he won't eat any of it. "Alright so, did anything happen that was interesting yesterday?" Namjoon tries to start up a conversation, trying to make this situation normal when it wasn't. Jimin looks down at his plate taking his spoon, starting to mix the berries and yogurt together. "Jungkook and me starting working on his solo track," Yoongi blurts out popping one of the banana slices into his mouth.

"That's awesome, have you decided the theme of it?" Jungkook gives a little head shake, entering the room right as the discussion started. He won't look at Jimin, can't bare to see the skeleton arms and thinned out cheek bones that he didn't prevent. "Ah Tae didn't you have a package coming in today?" Taehyung nods, mouth full of cereal laughing a bit. He swallows before answer the question, "it's the Gucci Diana medium tote bag. I want to show it off and be fancy." Jin laughs, the rest of them getting lost in conversations. It really did seem like everything was normal.

It was even normal for Jimin, offering smiles around the table as he mixes and cuts up food. It makes it look like he's eaten something, but with the way Yoongi's  watching him there's no way it's gonna pass. "Jimin ah try one of the strawberries," Hoseok says giving him a soft smile. He can't be mad at him, but he wants to be as the other conversations die down and the tension comes back. He didn't need the reminder that he was as his friends said 'deathly skinny', but Jimin knew that was a lie. The attention doesn't leave him as he picks up the strawberry with a fork, 6 calories. "Did you know strawberries have 6 calories?" He says looking up from his plate and Taehyung gives him an odd look back, "if you take off the seeds does it change?"

Jin is about to scold him but Jimin gives a laugh, "no Taehyungie the seeds do not change it." He gives a shrug, "I thought it would." Jimin can't help but continue to smile at that, less weight on his shoulders because of the light hearted joke. He gets the strawberry off his fork and sits his hands back in his lap. He really couldn't do this, couldn't do this whole food thing. "I have arugula leaves? They are literally nothing for one, and I'd be happy if you even had something." Jimin gives a feeble nod, Jin getting up from his seat, going over to the fridge to grab the box.

"I made sure and everything, it's 0 for 1. And only 3 for a half a cup." Jin goes back over to him and hands him the box. Jimin's brain relaxes as he really does see it was 0. There was nothing he had to be afraid of. He peels the lid open, taking a deep breath as he pulls one out. It stares back at him in temptation, basically egging him on to lose his progress. He has to keep repeating it in his head that this is 0 calories, it's nothing.

Before he can get too far down the rabbit hole he puts the leaf in his mouth, it's bland but he's so use to the flavor of nothing that it doesn't change his facial expression in the slightest. For the first time in about 3 years he chews the leaf, and swallows. He shocks even himself when it's not in his mouth anymore, becoming miniscule chunks of nothing. It's gone, it's in his stomach.

The group as a whole lets out a sigh of relief, Jimin ate something.

----------------------

Hello everyone!

I am really liking this story so far, and I hope I'm conveying what this looks like and how much of a struggle it is. Nothing feels better than for someone to understand.

Comments are always appreciated!

If you're going through something like this don't be afraid to reach out for help. You are important and you deserve to live your life without fear of weight gain.

I love you all, bye! 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜