Recovery - (Jikook)

"Nothing is better than Something."

"A singular grape, that's all I ask."

Jimin's eyes focus on the grape in question, held between Jin's thumb and index finger. His Hyung had to realize that specific grape was 3.4 calories, and that number was beyond anything he could possibly put into his body. How did he not understand that? Why was it so complicated to understand the weight of a single grape? "There's 3.4 calories in that grape," he says watching as the glow reflects off one side and a strain of juice flows from the top. Suddenly he wants to gag in disgust at it. "3.4 isn't much, it's almost nothing." He tries to reason but Jimin shakes his head and narrows his eyes, "but it's not nothing."

Jin of course can't disagree with that but at this point he was so tired anything Jimin could have possibly said might make sense. "We've been here for 3 hours Jimin ah, it started with chicken and grapes, then grapes, now it's a singular grape. What will make you happy?" Jimin sits back in his chair further resting his hands on the cushioned seat, "if I was left alone I'd be happy." Jin shakes his head and Jimin rolls his eyes looking around the table, Hoseoks eyes slowly closing as his hand holds him up. Namjoon's leaned against the counter, barely holding onto reality as sleep starts to take over him as well. The only one who's pointed and truly awake is Jungkook, staring down at him, barely moving except for when Jimin says something.

"Jimin ah do you realize what happened to you?" Jimin looks down into his lap, too tired to honestly come up with an answer besides something blunt and real, "I passed out." Yoongi nods now involved as he had only come into the kitchen for a water, he didn't know they'd all still be up doing this. "You passed out and your secret was exposed, your anorexic. Food tastes like poison on your tongue, and you can't imagine yourself as anything other than heavy. You have two options, you could either choose to recover and get better or you can be taken out of the group and forced into a mental hospital where they will shove food down your throat. You get to choose, but there is no other option. You cannot continue, and you need to realize that. You have to eat."

Jimin's skin crawls as he looks up at Yoongi, his eyes are honest and cold. He's being frank and bold, telling Jimin what will happen if he doesn't eat. He has to eat, there is no other choice. Jin gives a feeble shove of the grape towards Jimin, and his heart pangs with fear and hurt. He looks back at the small, purple fruit and swallows roughly grabbing onto it. 3 men who were once tired perk up, and watch closely as he stares down at it. He looked terrified, shaken to the core with undeniable fear.

Jimin closes his eyes, taking several deep breaths before lifting the grape closer to his mouth. A shudder runs through him before he puts it in his mouth. Holding his hand over it, as his eyes fill with tears. He can't chew, refuses to as the grape sits heavy on his tongue. He's losing all of his progress, everything he's worked so hard for is being thrown away so he can please the other members. "You're so close Jiminie, you're doing so well." He lets out a cry as the tears fall down his cheeks, putting the grape between his teeth and letting it pop into his mouth. Flavor colors his tongue, and he cries the whole way through as he chews the grape into tiny pieces. His hands grasping the cushion so hard he thinks his knuckles might break. He can't swallow it, his gag reflex coming in to make him choke.

"I-I can't, I can't!" He removes his hand from infront of his mouth and spits out the grape into a napkin. His whole body hurts and his head is pounding. He couldn't believe he even allowed himself to eat it, to even chew it into smaller pieces. "Jimin.......," He shakes his head continuing to cry "no, n-no. Please don't m-make me do th-this, please."

They all come to a consensus that he's been through enough tonight, and that they'd come back tomorrow morning for breakfast. "No more tonight, I promise Jimin. Come on, let's get you to bed. It's okay I promise," Jin gets up rounding the table to kneel down next to him. It's utter instinct to hold him close and rub his back, trying to make him feel even a little better. "C-can't eat, won't." "Jimin I know it's hard but you need this to be able to perform again, and I know that's what you want." Jimin nods against his shoulder, he wanted to be on stage again. He wanted to be able to dance again, it was the only thing that made him feel free. Jin wipes at his own eyes before separating from him, standing back up "c'mon Jimin ah let's get you to bed."

He stands up on thin legs, barely supporting himself as his body sways from even standing up. He had gotten use to the sparks that fill his vision and the blackness that stays on the outer edge for a matter of seconds. "Careful," Jungkook says reaching for his Hyung to steady him. Jimin just swats him away, "I'm fine." His tears have started to dry as he brings his hand up to swipe away the remaining ones. Everyone's eyes are trained on him, seeing how deceiving his clothes were. The sweatpants fit so loosely you couldn't even see that his thighs were the size of a teacup, and he had on so many shirts under his hoodie you couldn't tell that his ribs poked out even when he wasn't stretching. 

Jimin makes his way back to his bedroom, Jin following closely after him. You could hear the others voices, talking in hushed tones. It makes his skin itch, they really did think he was crazy didn't they? "We had to clean some things out of your bedroom," Jimin looks at him wide eyed before hurrying to his bedroom faster. He opens the door quick, heart filling with panic as he sees his scales gone, the desk once filled with books of weight loss are gone, the images of stick thin models on his wall are gone, it's all gone. Every little thing he held close was gone, he feels faint when he goes over to his drawer and even his laxatives are gone. A look of betrayal covers his face, getting on thin knees to look under his bed. "Even the chocolates," he says and Jin nods "even the chocolates."

"Get out, please get out. Leave me alone!" Jimin goes over to the door shutting it in his Hyungs face as cries shake his body. The images aren't even in his trash can, it's empty and those months of writing dedicated to every meal he didn't eat is no where to be seen. His cries get louder as everything crumbles around him, everything he's worked for means nothing.

With what little energy he has he lays down on the carpeted floor, freezing in the house despite the temperature being 78°. His eyes start to flutter close, gasping for air to stabilize him.

It was all gone.

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Hello everyone!

It's been a long time since I've wrote something I'm serious about and this story is something I want to continue and finish.

So I'm going to be doing that.

Comments are beyond appreciated!

If you are going through something like this please tell someone, your life is precious and you deserve the world and more. Do not spend your life focusing on something like this, live your life to the fullest.

I love you all, bye! 💜💜💜💜💜💜