Gio
Ugh. I stare at my pitiful excuse for a lunch I'm holding in my hand, trying to convince myself to take another bite. I'm always hungry, but the humongous freakin knot in my stomach has tied itself into won't allow more than a few bites of anything these last two days. Frustrated with myself, I fire my half-eaten sandwich towards the trashcan but miss, and it plops down into the dirt. Balls.
I've been cursing in my head nonstop these last two days, my mind racing with so many jumbled thoughts and what-if scenarios it feels like how TV static looks. My life was going so good again, and now it might slide back off the rails and all because I'm just such a fucking goddamn stupid-ass dick-for-brains.
I used to get wasted when I felt like this, but if I'm going to be a dad and take care of Ren, I need to keep my shit together. I probably should think about taking those pills again, too, but so far, I don't feel like I need them. That might change, though. I still don't know what the status is—Ren's afraid to test. She said she just wanted to wait one more day.
It could still be fine. Nothing is for sure yet. Not for sure. It's not for sure yet.
Fuck!
Calm your ass down, Gio. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. I'll figure it out.
I've been walking in circles around the football field, not feeling much like talking to anyone. But now it's almost time for Study Hall, so I head off to find Ren and walk her to class. I find her sitting under a tree alone, a book open on her knees—her lunch bag untouched beside her.
"Hey," my voice comes out low and gravelly.
She looks up at me, her face slack, and gives me a lifeless "Hey." Then, she goes about gathering her things and standing up.
Shit.
"Still no?" An invisible snake curls around my chest and tightens, leaving little room for my heart, which is going off like a drum roll.
She lowers her head. "Nope."
Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck...
I feel myself go a little lightheaded as blood drains to supply my vital organs, and my fight-or-flight instinct kicks into gear.
Dude, pull your sorry-ass-self together. She's probably more shit-scared than you are.
I open my mouth to speak, but no words get past the huge snarl of vocal cords stuck in my throat, so I just wrap my arm protectively around her, and we walk slowly toward Study Hall in silence.
I don't understand why, but I'm afraid to get there. I feel like we are walking blindly toward our fate. I need to know what she's thinking—what we're going to do. I pull her to a stop.
She looks up, and her stormy ocean eyes just kill me—one hundred nails diving in and out of my heart with each reproachful beat. My face distorts as I drop my eyes to my shoes. I feel like the scum of the fucking earth.
My voice comes out thick, "I didn't really sleep much last night."
"Me neither," she mumbles, with a voice so devoid of emotion I feel run over by it.
Sucking in a breath, I muster my strength from deep inside me because I know what I have to do.
I swallow hard and shakily take her hands, realizing how sweaty mine are. "Look, Ren, I just want you to know...." Looking deeply into her sallow eyes, my voice comes out hoarsely with emotion, "I mean... I'll stand by you. I mean, if it comes to that."
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The Fate of Our Hearts
General Fiction♡I was shocked to see whose still bewitching eyes had just accidentally met with mine. Giovanni! A boy, a crush, and one fantastic kiss. I thought I'd never see him again. ♡Dual POV ♡ It's the mid-90s on the West Coast: grunge music, mix tapes, pag...
