Why Don't You Stay - KimChay

04

Three days.

It's been three days since that night when I found Porsché at the club and left after our argument. Now I can't stop thinking about how I had been too harsh on him. I shouldn't say those words to him. I shouldn't treat him like that. Even if I was mad with him being so open to using drugs I shouldn't get so upset when he started to defend his right to do what he wanted. Even if it is a bit irresponsible considering his age.

I should apologize for lying to him and reveal that I was the little brother of his brother's boss. Not reveal the entire truth about the business but at least something to ease his mind for when he would know the whole truth. I should take that opportunity to tell him that I was with him to investigate his brother in the beginning but later on I had fallen for him. That I would do anything to get him back.

Why didn't I explain that to him at that moment?

I took my phone to dial him. My hand was shaking with nervousness revealing my desperate need for him to answer my call. He is the only person in the world who could make me so dysfunctional. If only my father could see how his most temper-balanced son is being troubled because if a boy he would be more than pissed and disappointed. I know he has plans for me even if he shows everyone that Anakinn is becoming the new leader of the Theerapanyakul mafia. He always separates me since little to train alone and show me how to do the business stuff alone. That makes me used to being more separated from my brothers but ever since Porsché came into my life I began to question the real objectives my father has on his mind. All those plans that he doesn't tell me about but kinda feels what it is about.

I waited for Porsché to answer but he never did. Maybe he is busy. Or maybe he has a situation to deal with right now.

"Where are you?" I text him. And after a few seconds, I could see how the "online" besides his contact info went to nothing. No online, no offline, nothing. He didn't even read the text. I shouldn't get surprised since I was an asshole with him after all we have been through, but it did shock me a little that he would not even read the message and just block me directly.

I took one of my guitars to distract myself but it was hopeless. From the guitar, a polaroid pic falls on the floor. It was one of Porsché's. Sometimes I found polaroids like this one inside the boxes of my guitars or in my bag. I left the guitar aside and searched for the box where I keep all the polaroids he hid or we took together. All of them with sweet and heartwarming messages from him. Always written by him. All those moments we share together. All of them making my eyes spill a salty fluid from them as I remember every single precious moment I share with him. Porsché is the more expressive of both of us. Even at his young age and innocence, he could not hide his true feelings no matter the situation. On the contrary, I was always taught since little to show no emotions and always keep myself in control. I always have had to maintain myself on the best behavior since I was a kid. That gave me the ability to analyze every situation in every aspect, but also made me keep myself away from my brothers.

But Porsché is so simple, innocent, pure, and emotional. He is the complete opposite version of me. I know he doesn't belong to this world, but his brother is already fully involved in all this so I thought that I could get another opportunity with Porsché. Now, I lost that chance when I found Porsché at the bar and fought with him instead of trying to make up for all the lies.

I have to find a new way of getting him. I must have him with me again, but with the real me without all the lies.

The next day I was determined to fix everything with Porsché, but when I went to the Main Manor and asked for him Chan told me he didn't want to see anyone. I thought about making my way through Porsche but Khun then told me Dad gave Kinn a free day to visit Porsche's parents grave with him. And Khun definitely wouldn't let me get closer to Porsché, he knows that I was investigating something about their family and Dad, and since I'm not closer to them he doesn't trust me too much. Dad wasn't home either so I didn't have much other choice than get back to my apartment.