steddie one shots 🦋✨

Venting 😋

So uhh, this is a little random but i have no motivation to write. I've been feeling like shit lately mentally. Idk how to explain it but like, I feel like I'm slowly dying inside and out. I stopped eating again and started throwing up everything i eat, again. I have a lot of bite marks from my nephew and even tho i love him i want to kill him. I feel like shit and because of that i also look like shit. I've been overthinking lately and i understood that I'm just a 15 year old child and i don't deserve all this shit. All the teens that have been through shit don't deserve it. I was crying because of that 2 fucking nights and thank god my cousin was with me but they left 2 days ago. I miss my parents and even if i don't like my dad that much i still miss him. I started seriously thinking that i have abandoned issues because i don't like being alone, without a person i love with me. Also there was storm yesterday and i just blasted Metallica in my headphones and wanted to cry so damn bad, and there is storm again and i don't even know if i can handle it anymore. My uncle is body shaming and yelling at me again. I thought that now that I'm doing literally nothing other than washing the dishes and cleaning the house he will finally stop it. I thought that my uncle and aunty will say nothing now but still they talk shit about me. My aunt is yelling at me because I'm not going out and don't really talk to them, she started calling me and my cousin lesbians because we were at my room all day. My older cousin started yelling at me and saying that I'm a bad influence and that andrianna (my fav cousin I was always with) is still too young and I'm giving her dirty and horny thoughts. I wanted so bad to yell at him and tell him "are you my fucking dad and talk to me like that? Who gave you the right to talk to me like you are someone who matters to me? I see you once a year and that if I'm lucky enough". And then there is my fucking niece who is transphobic and always misgenders me and once she called me a bitch and i was like "i am lol" and she said with that annoyed look "BuT yOu ArE a BoY". I wanted to fucking kill her and I'm trying not to. Atp i just want my mom, i can't handle them anymore and i need a person to be with me, who understands me. Not even my bf is helping that much. Ofc she helps me and i feel safer with her, like I'm running away from all this shit for a bit but still it's not enough. I wanna cry rn and I'm trying not to because I'm not alone in the room and if i even slightly start sobbing they will start to "comfort me" and i don't want THEIR comfort. I do love my wife and I'm truly thankful to him but I'm too deep in this shit and i can't run away this time like i always do. I'll just continue to act like everything is fucking ok and that I'm perfectly fine. Sorry for this post, i will probably post the next story next week.